“Thanks.” Sniffling, I grabbed my napkin and wiped away the tears that had escaped without my permission.
“Can I ask you something else?” she asked, and I nodded. “Have you talked to him since you moved up here?”
“I haven’t talked to him since I moved out of my apartment at State.”
“Not even a drunk text or a drunk anything?” she asked innocently, unable to hide her surprise.
A choked laugh escaped me at her question. “No. Not even a drunk anything.”
“Does that shock you? I mean, I’ve never had a boyfriend, so I really don’t know how any of this works other than what I see in movies or on TV, or read in books. But I feel like he shouldn’t be able to go all this time without talking to you.”
Brushing her question aside for a second, I said, “First of all, I can’t believe you’ve never had a boyfriend. We need to fix that.”
Brooke admitting she’d never had a boyfriend didn’t surprise me half as much as I pretended it had. She was a pretty girl, crazy smart, and had a lot to offer, but I knew it was her shyness that kept her single more than anything else.
“Second, does it shock me that he can go day in and day out without ever saying a single word to me or seeing how I am?” My heart seemed to stutter and stumble over itself. “Yes. Incredibly. Every day that passes, it hurts a little less, though. The shock is a little less jarring. I’ve come to expect that he won’t reach out, you know?”
“Have you reached out to him since you left? A drunk text or a drunk anything?” She smirked as our waitress came back to deliver our food.
I waited until our waitress disappeared to wherever it was that waitresses went when they weren’t doting on you. “No. I haven’t. He broke up with me, and I didn’t want to be that pathetic girl who couldn’t accept it. Even though half the time I feel exactly like that on the inside.”
Brooke frowned at me. “You’re not pathetic. You moved hundreds of miles away to come to a school you’d never even set eyes on before. You left behind everything and everyone that you loved to chase your dreams. That’s not pathetic, that’s brave.”
I’d never thought about my move in quite those terms before, but Brooke framing it that way made me think. I didn’t feel like I was being brave by deciding to move. It honestly felt like I had no other choice. That wasn’t bravery; that was doing what was necessary to get ahead.
“Thank you, Brooke. I appreciate it.”
We finished our dinner mostly in silence, except for a few moans from each of us as we ate the best barbecue in town. Once we’d finished and moved toward the door to leave, Brooke’s crush suddenly appeared, holding the door open for us.
“Good night, Brooke,” he said as he looked right into her eyes.
She fumbled a moment before saying, “Oh. Good night, Kenny. Thank you.”
Thrilled for her, I wanted to jump up and down, but I tamped down my enthusiasm until we were outside on the sidewalk.
“I guess he does know you exist,” I said before bumping her shoulder with mine, and grinned as a smile took over her face.
The night air had grown even colder, so we both walked quickly, as if we were in a race to get home. We couldn’t get there fast enough.
“Thanks again for coming to dinner. I needed that,” I said to Brooke once we walked into our chilly apartment and I flipped on the heat.
“It was nice,” she said, beaming. “We should do that more often.”
It was my turn to smile. “Yes, please.”
“Well, I have some work to finish, so I’m going to my room.”
“Okay. I’ll see you later,” I said as she closed her bedroom door.
I’d just walked into my own room when my cell phone started ringing, and I glanced down to check the caller ID.
When I saw Nick’s name, I wanted to throw up. What incredible timing. Had he sensed that I was just talking about him? That I’d just been saying how much it hurt that he could go all this time without reaching out to me?
My surprise faded as I remembered what Rachel had told me earlier about running into him last night. Half of me had expected this call, whether I’d admit it or not, especially after learning that Rachel had finally returned the poker chip to him.
The Ignore Call button flashed, tempting me to press it, but in the end I couldn’t bring myself to ignore him. I wasn’t sure if I’d ever be able to.
“Hello?” I tried to sound as composed as possible, but my heart was racing and I couldn’t feel my legs as I walked over to my bed and climbed on.
“Jess.”
Just the sound of him breathing my name over the phone line instantly sent flutters through me.
“Nick.”
“I gave the poker chip to you, Jess. It was for you. Why would you do that?”
My stomach clenched at how broken his voice sounded. “It didn’t seem right for me to keep it.”
“I wanted you to have it. I needed you to take a part of me with you when you left.”
He what? God, he was so confusing. This was so confusing. I didn’t know what to say in response to that, so I sat still, listening to him breathe into the line.
“Why are you so far away? Why did you leave? Fuck, Jess, why did you leave me?” His voice slurred, telling me he’d been drinking.
“Are you drunk?” I pretended to sound annoyed, but I wasn’t. I wasn’t annoyed or irritated at all.