Rachel and I walked home, our arms wrapped around our midsections. Brooke had stayed at the party to spend time with Kenny, who was surprisingly in the very fraternity whose party we were attending. I never would have pegged him as the frat-boy type.
“It’s freezing up here,” Rachel complained as she sped up her pace.
“Preaching to the choir.” I still wasn’t used to the weather change myself, and doubted I would ever get used to it. I pulled out my keys and raced to the front door, thankful I lived so close to campus.
“I’m kinda hungry,” Rachel said as soon as the door closed, and I laughed and pointed her in the direction of the kitchen.
“Make whatever you want.”
She searched the cupboards and the fridge before settling on a bag of microwave popcorn. I’d already started getting ready for bed by the time Rachel joined me in the bathroom, the two of us sharing one sink as we washed our faces. Even when we lived together, we didn’t have to share a bathroom unless we wanted to, so this was a little more togetherness than we were used to.
The microwave beeped, and Rachel rushed out to grab the popcorn. “Meet you in your room.”
Once I’d dried my face and put on moisturizer, I hopped on top of my bed and joined Rachel, who’d already claimed a spot and turned on the TV, then snagged a fistful of popcorn.
“You never really told me about your date,” she mumbled through a mouthful of popcorn.
“Yes, I did,” I argued, remembering the text messages I sent her immediately following.
“You just said there was no chemistry.”
I narrowed my eyes at her. “What more did you need to know? There literally couldn’t have been less chemistry than if I was on a date with an alien.”
She shrugged, giving me a sidelong look. “So it had nothing to do with Nick?”
I choked out a laugh. Nick and I were clearly over. We had been for weeks, if not months. Somewhere between him never showing up that day or calling me to apologize, I’d accepted that fact and was finally ready to move on.
“That’s what you’ve thought this whole time?”
“Can’t blame me for wondering,”’ she said with a shrug.
She was right. I couldn’t blame her.
“It had nothing to do with Nick, I swear,” I said, throwing up a hand. “Scout’s honor. Not that I was a scout, but still.”
“So you’re totally over him?”
Am I?
“For the most part, yes,” I answered honestly.
“What does that even mean, for the most part?”
I chewed on my bottom lip as I wondered how to put the thoughts buried deep inside me into words. “I know that Nick and I are over. For now,” I added.
“For now?” That line apparently piqued her curiosity. She stopped chewing and stared right through me.
“As long as I’m up here, there’s no hope for us. I’m fine with that. I’ve accepted it. But I’d be lying to you, and myself, if I didn’t admit that I thought there was still hope for us one day in the future.”
“So you think you guys will get back together when you move back?”
“I have no idea,” I said, not sure if she thought my train of thought was crazy, or if she was on board with it. “I’m just saying that I realize we can’t be together now. That the timing is wrong and we don’t work, I guess. But that doesn’t mean the timing will always be wrong, does it?”
“I guess not.” She agreed way too easily and fidgeted a moment, not meeting my eyes. “So, I’d been putting off telling you this because I wasn’t sure how you’d take it. But you seem so much better.”
I sat up straight, tucking my legs underneath me, and turned to face her. “What is it?” I sensed instantly that it had to do with Nick. Much to my surprise, my stomach didn’t dip or knot up like I expected it to.
She waved a hand in the air. “It could totally be nothing.”
I squeezed my eyes closed for a moment.
“Spit it out. Whatever it is, I’m sure it won’t faze me,” I lied, hoping I was convincing.
She narrowed her dark eyes at me. “I wish that were true.”
I wondered for a moment what she could possibly be wary of confessing to me after everything I’d just said to her. Then a sudden dark thought ripped through my mind.
“Wait. Nick’s okay, right? Like, there’s nothing physically wrong with him. He isn’t dying or anything?”
Rachel hunched over with laughter. “Seriously? That’s where your white-girl mind goes? You think I’d be scared to tell you Nick was dying?”
I cocked my head, studying her. “You wouldn’t be? How sick and twisted are you?”
Shrugging, she grabbed another handful of popcorn. “Pretty sick and twisted.”
“If he’s not dying, then what could it possibly be?” I asked, my curiosity piqued.
“I heard that he’s dating Carla Crawford,” she said quickly, her tone quieter than it had been a moment earlier.
Carla Crawford. The girl who told me she’d end up with Nick. The girl Nick swore to me he wasn’t interested in, and never would be.
My stomach, which moments before had been just fine, flipped and began a slow churn. Rachel had been right. I guessed there were some things I wasn’t ready to handle or hear when it came to Nick.
“Are you sure?” I squeaked out, feeling like I’d been stabbed in the back by the only guy I’d ever really loved.