This was Nick, my Nick. And even though he broke my heart when he told me he didn’t want to even try to be together, I couldn’t help the way I felt when it came to him. I still wanted him, and I was too surprised by his call to hate myself for it.
“A little,” he said. “God, why aren’t you here right now? I need you. I need you here.”
His words stopped my heart, and the sound of his voice silenced the thundering in my chest. I was certain he would always affect me this way.
“Listen to me, Jess—” He stopped for a second to yell at someone, and then spoke to me again. “Sorry. Listen to me. You don’t belong up there. You don’t belong where you’re at. You belong with me, and I’m coming to get you. Me and Dan are going to head up there tomorrow to pick you up, throw you over my shoulder, and bring you home. Do you hear me? I’m coming to get you and bring you home.”
Nerves surged through me as I struggled to not only think, but to breathe. Nick wanted to come get me? God, nothing sounded more appealing in this moment than him going all caveman on me, but I knew I couldn’t let him. I couldn’t leave here—this was my school now, and I couldn’t just leave in the middle of the semester.
“I can’t leave,” I said in a whisper.
“Yes, you can. Listen, Jess. For once, just listen.”
For once? I thought, then focused on what he was saying.
“I hate that you’re up there. I can’t fucking handle how far away you are from me. Do you understand that? Do you know how crazy I’m going every day without you? And besides, you don’t even like it up there. I know for a fact you don’t,” he said so convincingly, obviously believing what he was saying. “Rachel said you were miserable. She said you hate it up there. And it’s not where you belong, anyway. I’m coming to get you tomorrow, so start packing.”
My jaw fell open. Stunned, I felt torn in two. One side of me loved his utterly crazy, insane words, and wanted him to come up here and get me away from this place.
But the other side of me knew that what he was saying was impossible, unreasonable, and unrealistic. My parents would flip out, not to mention that the whole reason I had moved here in the first place was for my degree, and ultimately, my career. I was thriving at the TV station.
“Nick—”
“Don’t fight me on this.”
“You can’t come up here. I can’t go home with you.”
“Yes, I can. And yes, you can.”
“No, I can’t.”
“We can do this all night.”
“Don’t come up here. I’m begging you. Stay home.” What am I saying?
“I’m coming. I miss you so damn much. I can’t do this without you anymore. You need to come home. I need you. I love you.”
He . . . what?
He loves me? Since fucking when?
“That’s not fair,” I said as tears filled my eyes, torn between hating him for confessing these things in his inebriated state, and hoping he’d tell me more.
“What’s not?”
“You can’t tell me you love me now.” Trembling, I clenched the comforter with my free hand and pulled it around me.
“Well, I do, Jess. I should have told you months ago. I fell in love with you the night of the fraternity party, but I was too stupid to admit it.”
“Why are you doing this?”
“I told you already. I need you. You belong with me. We belong together. I need you to come home. Just be ready. I’ll be there tomorrow.”
With that demand, he ended the call, and my complete and utter freak-out began.
Was he really going to come up here and expect to be able to drag me home? He sounded pretty drunk—maybe he wouldn’t even remember calling me in the morning.
Nick said he loves me . . .
What an asshole. He couldn’t say it when we were together, but now that we were apart, and after months of not talking, this was when he decided to tell me that?
Love.
He clearly didn’t even know what the word meant.
What the hell was I supposed to do if he showed up here tomorrow? I fought the urge to call Rachel, not knowing what I’d say or how I’d explain anything to her.
I decided to sleep on it and see what the morning would bring. My stomach knotted as I curled up in a ball on my bed and tried to force myself to sleep.
Waiting
Jess
My night was filled with fitful dreams that kept me from sleeping soundly. I woke up feeling anxious, paranoid, and sick to my stomach. Would Nick really show up here to try to take me home? What the hell would I do if he came to my door?
And what the hell would I do if he didn’t?
Sure, I’d told him not to come. Begged him, actually, but he ended the call saying he was coming anyway. I considered texting him, just to see where his head was at now that he was probably sober, but I was too scared to do it, too terrified of what his answer might be. Logically, I knew him showing up here was a long shot, but somewhere deep down, I think I genuinely wanted him to.
That caveman inclination to come rescue the girl who didn’t need rescuing turned parts of me to silk. I would have never expected that a girl like me would like the things that he said last night, but I did. I wanted Nick to want me enough that he would do something crazy for me, to love me like he couldn’t live without me. Lord only knew how “well” I was living without him.
The hours passed as I stared between my bedside clock and my cell phone, refusing to move from my room. I kept the television playing in the background in an attempt to drown out the quiet, but I wasn’t paying any attention to it.