“He does love you. I don’t believe for one second that he doesn’t,” Rachel said softly, trying to reassure me.
“He absolutely loves you, Jess. I can promise you that,” Trevor added.
Their assurances should have made me feel marginally better, but they didn’t. Nothing did. Nick had called it off, walked away, and taken my heart with him.
How would I ever get over him?
The only thing that saved my mental health was the fact that I was moving soon and had a ton of things to do. I still needed to choose my classes at a brand-new school, and I had to find a place to live next semester ASAP.
For my own self-preservation, I buried myself in my upcoming relocation and did my best not to think about Nick. It wasn’t easy. But as each day faded into night and I hadn’t called or texted him, I gave myself a mental pat on the back for being strong enough to walk away, when all I wanted to do was call him and beg for answers.
I walked around in a daze the last few weeks of the semester, managing to avoid Nick completely except for the single class we had together. It was like a knife in the gut when he moved from his usual seat next to mine to the front row, sitting near the girl who’d clamored for his attention on the first day of class. It took every ounce of my willpower to stay seated the entire lecture and not bolt or throw up.
I hated not being near him, watching him effectively ignore me as if I didn’t exist. How could I have meant so little to him when he meant so much to me?
I forced Rachel to tell me repeatedly that I hadn’t made up my relationship with Nick in my head, that I didn’t see things that weren’t really there. Somewhere between our beginning and our end, I had convinced myself that it wasn’t real, that it was just the plot of some bad romance novel.
And every time I asked, Rachel would say the same thing. “You didn’t make anything up. It was real. He loved you. Hell, he probably still does.”
The entire campus seemed to know that we had broken up, but no one knew why. The rumor mill spun about our demise, but Rachel ran interference like an NFL linebacker so efficiently that I rarely had to deal with any of it. Most of the lies that spread were generally spoken behind my back and not to my face, and for that I was grateful. When I found the courage to make eye contact with other girls, half of them gave me sympathetic looks while the other half sneered at me, clearly excited that Nick was on the market again.
On the last day of class, Nick stopped in mid-step as he was passing by my seat. He turned, staring right into my eyes. I held my breath as I waited for him to speak, dying to hear his voice, no matter what he might say, but instead he shook his head and rushed out the door.
I jumped up from my seat, determined to confront him, but when I got outside, he was gone. It was like he had vanished into thin air, nowhere to be seen.
I couldn’t believe that that would be the last time I would ever see him. School was over and I was moving. I couldn’t wrap my head around how well I thought I knew him, and how little I truly must have. I couldn’t comprehend any of it.
“We all knew it was coming. I’m just shocked it took as long as it did,” a familiar voice said, and I came to a sudden halt.
I told myself not to look up, not to give her the time of day, but my eyes didn’t listen to my pleading. Carla Crawford stood in front of me, her hip jutted out so that she looked like she was posing for a magazine cover.
“What do you want?” I asked breathlessly before gathering something that resembled gumption. “To rub it in my face? You want to hear that you were right?”
She raised a perfect eyebrow. “I already know I was right.”
“Then what do you want?” I asked again, tired of her games.
She leaned in close to my ear, the smell of her perfume overwhelming, and I fought off the urge to wave my hands in the air. “I wanted to tell you in person that I’ll be taking your place now. And unlike you, I won’t be going anywhere. Ever. Nick and I are a sure thing, and nothing and no one is going to stand in our way.”
I bristled with her words, and as much as I didn’t want to give them any weight or value, something inside me did. “I’m not sure who you’re trying to convince,” I said, hoping my words sounded stronger than I currently felt. “Me or you.”
She made an annoyed sound before straightening, her height advantage making her seem to tower over me. “I don’t owe you anything, Jess. I was simply trying to be courteous by giving you a heads-up. I won’t make that mistake again.” She deliberately bumped her shoulder against mine as she strode away, leaving me standing there alone as other students filed out around us.
I dropped my sunglasses over my eyes and forced the tears to stay at bay as I walked across campus, staring straight ahead to avoid any further confrontations. If anyone else approached me, I knew I wouldn’t be able to keep my composure.
To be honest, I wasn’t sure how I’d held it together for so long in the first place.
My half of the apartment was in boxes as Rachel watched me pack. “I can’t believe this is really happening,” she said for the fiftieth time that afternoon.
I stopped sealing up the box that I had just filled and looked up at her from my spot on the floor. “I know. It’s not fair.”
“I just figured we’d be here the whole time together,” she said wistfully. “That we’d graduate together and throw some stupid party for the two of us.”
I swallowed around the lump in my throat. “I know. I did too.”