The last thing I wanted was Rachel chasing Nick down and giving him a piece of her mind. It wasn’t her place. Plus, if anyone was going to yell at Nick, it should be me.
A loud huff sounded in my ear. “Fine, chica. I will do my best.”
We stayed on the phone a little longer, neither of us saying much, but her presence helped calm me down.
I looked at the clock. It was past five. “He’s definitely not coming. What do I do?”
“You move on. Get over him. Instead of it being one hell of a grand gesture, it was the asshole move of the century.”
I nodded in agreement with my best friend’s assessment. “I know it wasn’t realistic. It’s not like I could have left with him. But I’m so fucking disappointed, Rachel. Why am I so disappointed? Why am I like this when it comes to him?”
“Because you still love him. And you want him to fight for you. But instead of fighting, he’s giving up. And that’s twice now.”
I sniffed and tried to swallow the bitter truth in her words. She was right. That was twice now. And I did want the fight . . . I wanted to be worth it. And Nick not showing up only proved to me once more how much I wasn’t.
“Are you going to call him?” she asked, breaking through my thoughts.
“No.”
“Really?”
“I can’t. What if he says he doesn’t remember calling me last night? Or that it was a mistake, that he was drunk and didn’t mean anything that he said? I can’t handle hearing that from him. I can’t handle hearing him take it all back,” I admitted as my emotions started to get the best of me.
“Then can I offer you a terrible suggestion?”
I laughed. “Yes. I expect nothing less.”
“They always say that the best way to get over a guy is to get under a new one. Go sleep with some random hottie.”
“You know I can’t do that.” I wasn’t a one-night-stand kind of girl, and I didn’t hook up with guys I wasn’t at least interested in.
“I know you’re not, but it was worth a shot. Promise me you’ll try and meet someone else. Please. Go out. Drag Brooke to some frat parties. You need to try to get over Nick once and for all.”
I sat there shaking my head, the very idea seeming impossible. “I’m not ready,” I said honestly. “I will be. Hopefully soon. But right now I’m just not ready.”
And I wasn’t. No matter how hard I wanted Nick to be a part of my past so I could move on without thinking about him, I simply wasn’t there yet. I still woke up thinking about him every morning. My heart still ached when I thought of him. Memories of us were still the last thing that played in my mind each night before I fell asleep.
She sighed into the phone. “I know, chica. You still need more time. I get that.”
I was thankful for her understanding. Rachel made me feel less alone and a little less crazy.
“Thanks. I’m gonna go.”
“Okay. And for the record? I’m sorry.”
When we ended the call, I sat there with my phone in my hand, debating whether to shoot Nick a text.
In the end, I couldn’t bring myself to do it. The fear of what he might say was far greater than my need to know where he was. It was obvious he wasn’t coming up here. And the rational part of me knew that was for the best, even if my heart didn’t agree.
My heart would eventually get on board with the rest of me. I was sure of it.
Continually Screwed
Nick
My brothers’ bar was closed for the night, but I had no intention of leaving. It was the only place where I found any sort of solace lately. Their bar had become my escape, my sole place of peace.
“Have you talked to Jess?” Ryan asked from behind the bar where he was washing and hand-drying glasses. I would have thought that he knew something about my call to her last night if he didn’t ask me that question every time I saw him.
Because he did ask. Every fucking time. And the answer was always the same as the last time he’d asked.
No.
“I might have called her last night. I was drunk out of my mind,” I said, and both my brothers stopped what they were doing to give me shocked looks.
“Classy,” Frank said with an eye roll from across the room.
“It’s the only time I have even half a ball to dial her number, okay?” I admitted, and it was the truth.
I had wanted to call Jess every second of every single day, no matter how busy I was at work, but I couldn’t do that to her. Not if I couldn’t offer her a relationship or tell her I wanted to get back together. Calling her would only hurt her, and up until last night, I’d been trying my best not to do that anymore. I knew I’d already hurt her enough. Hell, I’d hurt us both enough.
“I don’t understand why you let her go in the first place. Explain that to me, little brother.”
Strange that the question came from Frank; I would have expected it from Ryan. He was definitely the more romantic of two of them, whereas Frank was stuck in some relationship he couldn’t seem to get out of. That aside, I’d already told both of them this a thousand times.
I groaned and lifted my beer for a sip. “You already know why.”
“We just like to hear how stupid it sounds when it comes out of your mouth,” Ryan said with a laugh.
“Yeah. And we’re hoping one of these times it will sound stupid to you too. Idiot,” Frank added.
I moved my stool back to stand up and face off with my brothers. “You’re supposed to fucking help me. Not make me feel worse.”