I had never once thought that I’d have to leave State. When I had gotten accepted, it was one of the best days of my life. Now I was sitting on my apartment floor, packing up my life so I could start my junior year at a brand-new school in a brand-new city where I knew no one and had no friends.
Rachel plopped down in front of me and took my hands in hers. “Stay. Don’t go. Who cares about your major and your goals? Your dreams are dumb. Make new dreams and stay here with me, Jess,” she said seriously with a slight laugh.
Pouting, I said, “I can’t.”
“I know.”
Hit with inspiration, I perked up. “But you can come visit.”
“And don’t think I won’t. That’s only an hour flight, or one super-boring six-hour-long road trip, but don’t think that I’m not coming there. You do not get to have a new best friend. I won’t stand for it, gringa.”
I laughed. “I can’t even imagine anyone taking your place.” I blew out a soft breath. “My life is going to be so boring without you.”
“And don’t you forget it,” she said, her accent coming out a little stronger as she wagged her finger in my direction.
A knock at the door startled both of us, and we turned to stare at it as if we could figure out who was behind it if we looked hard enough.
“Trevor?” I asked.
Rachel shook her head. “He’s at work until eight.”
She pushed up off the floor and headed into the living room. When she opened the front door, my heart slammed against my chest as the sound of his voice filled the room.
Nick.
Nick is here.
Rachel stepped back into my room, sounding uncharacteristically nervous as she said, “Um, chica?”
I swallowed hard. “It’s really him?” I asked, my voice barely above a whisper.
She nodded. “Should I let him in or stomp on his nuts?”
I glanced around at my room as her options echoed in my mind. It looked like a tornado had torn through it.
Giving her a slight smile, I said, “I guess you can leave his nuts alone for now.”
“So I’m sending him in?” When I nodded, Rachel disappeared.
Nick stood in my doorway a minute later, wearing an odd expression I couldn’t quite place. “Hey.”
He looked tired, defeated even, but I wasn’t sure that it had anything to do with me. Maybe he looked that way because his reality after graduation had sunk in. Nick had to go to work for his dad’s company instead of following his heart and working with his brothers at Sam’s. I knew how that prospect tore him up, and it made me hurt for him.
Remembering that he’d addressed me, I offered a nonchalant “hey” in response.
He stood there, his hulking frame casting a shadow over me. When he didn’t say anything else, I returned to my packing, not knowing exactly what he wanted from me and half afraid to look him in the eyes. They’d be my undoing.
A moment later, he sat down directly across from me. He said nothing, his silence stabbing me a little more in my gut with each moment that passed between us.
“Why are you here?” I finally asked him, my broken heart desperate to know why he had shown up to destroy what was left of it.
“I wanted to see you,” he said, his voice sounding pained. “I’m really going to miss you, Jess.”
I finally raised my eyes to meet his, praying that I wouldn’t get emotional when I looked into their depths. The eyes of the man I had fallen in love with, still loved, but didn’t want me anymore.
“You’re going to miss me?” I managed to ask through my surprise.
“You find that hard to believe?”
I shook my head, not sure what I believed anymore. “Don’t say that, Nick. Don’t say things like that to me right now.” Swallowing hard, I gathered my courage and added, “Unless it’s followed up with something about you not letting me go, or you wanting us to get back together because you realized you made a huge mistake. If you’re not here to tell me any of those things, then don’t say you’re going to miss me. It’s not fair.” I bit my lip, still determined to keep it together.
“I’m sorry. I mean it, though. I am going to miss you.”
He winced, looking at the floor for a moment as my stomach tightened. It was so hard to be this close to him and not be a part of his life. After all, I had wrapped myself up in all things Nick Fisher so tightly that not being with him when he was this near seemed foreign. Looking at him from a distance seemed wrong—it all felt wrong. Why didn’t he feel it too?
“Then why are you giving up on us? I hate you for that.” My eyes filled with tears as my inner strength failed me.
“I know. I know you do. I just—” He squeezed his eyes shut for a second before giving me an intense look.
“You just what? Can walk away like we never mattered? Like I never mattered?”
His jaw tightened. “You know that’s not true.”
“I really don’t,” I said, fighting to keep my voice steady as the tears threatened.
He pushed up to his feet. “I shouldn’t have come. I’m sorry, Jess. I just wanted to say good-bye to you in person.”
Everything inside me fell to pieces at those words. Good-bye seemed so final, so resolute, like something we could never overcome. Part of me had held out hope that Nick was here to seal the cracks he had inflicted on my heart, but he wasn’t. I was moving, and he was letting me go without even trying to keep us together.