* * *
I apologize that this letter does not bring better news. I hope that you will continue your education here at State, but understand if that is no longer an option for you.
* * *
Sincerely,
Dean Samuel Corentha
Shit.
Shit.
Shit.
Nick had been right.
“Jess, you’re pale. I mean, paler than normal for a white girl.”
Rachel’s voice entered my head as I handed the letter to her without saying a word. She gasped twice as she read it, only fueling my nausea.
“What are you going to do?”
“I guess I’ll meet with my counselor and see what she thinks.”
“This blows.”
“The last thing I want to do is transfer, but I can’t stay here if they don’t have my major anymore.” I headed for my room, wanting to curl up into a ball and wish the bad news away.
“Miss Michaelson, you have a couple of options.” My counselor brushed her long black hair back over her shoulder. “The first is you can switch majors and continue at State.”
I shook my head. I refused to change my major. That wasn’t an option.
“Or you can transfer and I can help. The professor who used to run the program here transferred to Northern a while back. It’s up in Northern California; I’m sure you’ve heard of it. Anyway, he runs the program there now, and they’re really good. They’ve won awards the last two years. I’m more than happy to give him a call and put you two in touch with each other if you’d like?”
“Are there any schools in Southern California that still offer my major?”
She cocked her head to the side. “There are. Although I don’t believe that any of the programs are student-run, but you’d have to look that up yourself.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean that they have the equipment, but they’re all run by outsiders. Most of them don’t even have students involved at all. No college film program in California is a hundred percent student owned and operated anymore, aside from Northern.”
“Do you at least have a list of the local schools?”
“I’m supposed to recommend you do all the legwork on your own, but since I feel like this is State’s fault, I’ll help you out.”
Generous, I thought, keeping my sarcasm to myself.
She handed me a piece of paper where she had scribbled the names of three local schools for me to research.
“Thanks,” I said before standing up. “Can I ask you something?”
“Of course, Miss Michaelson.”
“Do you think any of the local schools are a smart choice for me?”
Her smile faded away. “I don’t. Not for what you want to do. I honestly think that Northern is your best bet. You’ll get a lot of hands-on experience there, and like I mentioned before, they’ve been winning awards for their program. They’re kind of a big deal.”
A scary thought hit me. “Will I be able to get in?” I asked, concerned that the best option wouldn’t be an option at all.
“Yes. I will personally make sure that transferring isn’t an issue, if that’s what you choose to do.”
My eyes burning, I sucked in a long breath and fought back the tears that threatened.
“I’m sorry I don’t have better news,” she said. “Would you like me to reach out to the professor running the program on your behalf?”
“Yes, please. That would be helpful, thanks.”
She stood and extended her hand, and I shook it before turning and heading out the door.
I had no idea where I’d be going to school next year, but I knew for certain that it wouldn’t be at State. And that meant leaving everything and everyone I loved behind for the sake of my future and my dreams.
I didn’t know if I could do it, but I knew that I had to.
Weak
Nick
When Jess said we needed to talk, my stomach rolled and my shoulders instantly tightened. I had no idea what the news could be, but my instincts told me it couldn’t be good. She had never “needed to talk” before. Heading over to her apartment for dinner, when I could barely stomach the thought of even eating, I carried half a dozen cupcakes from her favorite bakery on the slim chance that she might tell me something worth celebrating.
I realized that it was definitely not a cupcake-worthy moment as soon as I walked through the front door and caught sight of her face. She looked like she’d been crying, and I fucking hated it, couldn’t stand the thought.
“What is it, baby?” I tossed the box on the counter, my concern only for the girl in front of me and not the cakes that had most likely just toppled over inside the box. I stepped close to her and traced the tearstains on her cheek with my thumb.
“Remember that day in the football stadium when you said they were canceling my major?”
I thought back to that afternoon. It seemed like a hundred years ago. I knew then that I had been right, but I had convinced her otherwise in an attempt to calm her fears. I’d all but forgotten about that conversation until this moment. Somehow in the midst of falling for Jess, I’d convinced myself that I had been wrong too.
“Yeah, I remember.” My throat tightened.
“Well, you were right.”
She shoved a piece of paper at me and I took it out of her shaking hands, the knots in my stomach twisting tighter with each word that I read.
“What does this mean?”