I press a soft kiss to her lips.
“Wow,” she murmurs.
“I’d say that just about covers it.”
She giggles. It’s the sweetest sound.
I rest my forehead against hers, breathing her in. “I’m crazy about you, Mia.” I need her to know how I feel. How much she means to me. I need her to know everything that I’m not sure how to say yet.
Her fingers touch my face. The barest of touches, but I feel it like she’s drumming on my soul.
“I feel the same,” she whispers.
My heart exhales, only now realizing how badly I needed to hear those words from her.
“Give me a second to clean up.” Easing out of her, I go to the bathroom, disposing of the condom and quickly washing up.
When I’m done, I pull the covers out from under her, and climb on the bed, covering us both. Pulling her to me, I curl my body around her, tucking her into me, and holding her tight.
I’m cuddling. After sex.
And I don’t want to run. I don’t want to be anywhere else but here with Mia in my arms.
A sense of peace like I’ve never know washes over me.
I’m drowning in her. And I want every last drop of Mia in my lungs until all I’m breathing is her.
She strokes my arm with her fingers. “I’m happy,” she whispers.
I smile against her soft skin. “Me too, babe.”
She turns over to face me, a grin on her gorgeous mouth.
“What?” I ask.
She runs her finger down my chest. “Can we, um … do it again?”
“Now?” I lift an eyebrow.
“Mmm.”
“He might need a minute to get some life back in him,” I say gesturing to my cock.
She reaches her hand down, wrapping her small fingers around me, and my c**k springs to life at her touch.
“Okay, maybe a minute was over exaggerating it,” I say, grinning as I push her onto her back. Climbing on top of her, loving the laughter spilling from her lips, which I take into me as I seal my mouth over hers.
Chapter Eighteen
Mia
I can feel warmth on my back. Fingers trailing lightly over my skin. I can’t remember every feeling such contentment when waking.
Then I remember where I am, and who is touching my back.
Jordan.
I’m in his bed.
Last night comes flooding back to me. A vivid beautiful memory of the sex Jordan and I had.
Then horror hits when I realize I’m naked.
Completely bare. Laid on my stomach.
My body is uncovered.
And Jordan’s awake.
He’s seen my scars. Probably looking at them right now.
I feel sick.
I meant to wake up before him and put my clothes on. I wasn’t ready for him to see them. Not ready for him to question me about them.
This all my stupid fault.
After seeing Anna Monroe number two yesterday … and how nice she was to me, and the disappointment I felt that she wasn’t my mother … coupled with the fact that the last Anna left on the list might actually be my mother…
It set off another episode which sent me running to a convenience store, then a motel where I holed myself up for the day and binged myself sick.
“Hey,” Jordan said softly as I walked through the lobby.
I knew he was behind the reception desk, I just couldn’t bring myself to look at him, knowing what I was going out to do. I was afraid he’d see it written all over my face.
I hadn’t spoken to him since yesterday. He’d been so sweet to me about the Anna thing, but I was lost somewhere deep inside my head … I still was.
“I’m going out,” I said. And that was it.
Then I was out the door and in my car, driving to the convenience store on the outskirts of town and buying what I needed to make myself feel better in the only way I know how.
I parked in a quiet spot and started to rip open the food, then realization hit me, quickly followed by panic. What if someone saw me out here? What if Jordan had followed me and knew what I was doing? It was irrational, I knew that, but my head was a mess.
The what ifs were there, and they weren’t leaving anytime soon.
How would I explain to him? How would I make him understand?
I wouldn’t. I’d lose him.
That was when I saw the sign for a motel just down the street.
Shoving the food back in the bag, I set my car in drive and drove to the motel.
It looked sketchy and rundown, but I didn’t care about that. I just needed to be alone, so I got a room.
Once in it, I sat down on the bed and ripped into the food. As the food hit my palette, a discontented peace slid through me that I had needed to feel since I’d left Anna Monroe’s house.
I’d hit low. And after I was done, all I’d wanted was Jordan. It was like an urgent panic … a desperate need to be with him.
He’s the only person who has ever made me feel good and whole.
I’d wanted him to give me those feelings back, so I’d cleaned up, then was out of that hotel and in my car, driving back here to him … taking my clothes off … asking him to make love to me…
I just hadn’t thought beyond that. The possibility of him seeing me. Seeing my scars.
I need to get out of here.
Moving quickly, I slide out of bed, taking the sheet with me so I can wrap it around myself.
“Morning,” he says. I can hear the careful in his voice.
I can’t bring myself to meet his eye. “Morning,” I say. “I just … need to use the bathroom.”