I can feel him against my back, and my body starts to react, instantly lighting up … wanting to feel more of him … feel more of this.
“I love this lake,” he says close to my ear, his breath tickling and arousing me. “It reminds me of the caldera I saw at Mount Rinjani.”
“Where’s that?” asks the totally unworldly me.
“Indonesia.” Placing a hand on my cheek, he turns my face to him. “You have the exact same eye color as the water there.”
My mouth dries. “I do?”
“Hmm.” His gaze moves to my mouth. My tongue darts out to moisten my suddenly dry lips.
His eyes flare. “Are you hungry?” he asks.
I’m not entirely sure that we’re talking about food right now. “I’m hungry,” I say in a voice that doesn’t sound like mine. It’s all breathy and sexy.
Without another word, Jordan crushes his mouth to mine, his tongue instantly in my mouth. I turn in his arms. He pulls me hard against him.
I like the way it makes me feel. Protected. Wanted. He makes me feel sexy and desirable. Everything I’ve never before felt.
Our kiss quickly turns heated and desperate. I wind my fingers into his hair, pulling it, keeping him with me. He must like it because the sound he makes in my mouth is more than encouraging. He cups my behind and lifts me off my feet. Instinctively, I wrap my legs around his waist. I don’t even realize we’ve moved until I feel my back press up against the jeep.
His kiss is urgent, mirroring my own. I’m shocked by my reaction to him … how much I want him, but I’m confused—confused by the lust that is urging my body to pull him closer, yet the fear telling me to push him away.
Would he stop if I did? Do I want him to stop?
No.
Not yet.
“God, Mia,” he says against my mouth. His hand moves up my side, cupping my breast over my t-shirt. The instant he touches me, my nipple hardens. I moan against his mouth.
His hand is moving under my t-shirt, lifting it, and his fingers are running inside the cup of my bra, and I’m thinking yes … god, yes! He pulls down my bra, taking my bare breast in his warm, rough hand, running his thumb over the hardened peak…
I want him so much…
Then I feel him harden against me. His erection pressing against my girl parts…
And a flash of Forbes, pinning me to that wall, trying to rape me, takes away everything with it.
“I’m going to f**k some sense into you. You need teaching a lesson.”
Jordan’s hand suddenly becomes Forbes’ hand. And there’s no pleasure. Just fear. Pure unadulterated fear.
And panic.
I’m panicking. My muscles locking with the fear controlling me.
I’m going to be sick.
“Stop. Please, stop.” I’m breathless, pushing at his hand.
I need him off me, now.
Jordan removes his hand from my t-shirt instantly, putting it onto the truck above my head. “Jesus, I’m sorry. Mia, are you okay?” He searches my face. “Tell me you’re okay? Shit, I moved too quick. I wasn’t thinking. I’m so sorry.” He’s shaking his head.
“It’s okay, I just … I wanted…” I can hardly catch my breath. “I think … I just … I can’t. Not right now. I’m so sorry.”
“Mia, no…” He rests his forehead against mine. “You don’t have to explain. You never have to explain to me. And don’t ever be sorry. I’m the one who’s sorry. I just got lost in you for a moment there, but it won’t ever happen again.” His tone is vehement, full of promise. “From now on, I follow your lead. We go as slow, or as fast as you want.”
The sound of his voice, his words, calm me – soothe me like nothing I’ve ever known.
“Okay,” I breathe.
It takes me a moment to gather myself, but when I do, I take his face in my hands. “You’re the best person I’ve ever known, Jordan.”
He stares into my eyes for a long moment. “Ditto, babe. Ditto.”
Chapter Seventeen
Jordan
I’ve completely screwed things up with Mia.
Not surprising as this is me we’re talking about. I started thinking with my c**k instead of my brain when I had her pressed up against Wade’s jeep.
She felt so f**king amazing against me, and I wanted her so bad, but then she start panicking, her fear was palpable.
And I felt like the world’s biggest ass**le.
I still feel like an ass**le.
I know what she’s been through, but I just dove straight in. I should have asked if it was okay to touch her; I should have checked that every move I made was okay. I just thought from the way she was being with me that she was okay and that she was right there with me.
How f**king wrong was I?
She was quiet after that, not surprising. I drove us up to this ridge which is covered with wildflowers and has a great view of the canyon. I thought she would like it up there, and I was right. She seemed to perk up slightly, and was back to herself soon after, but not completely back to how she’d originally been with me. The openness from her and the sense of closeness it gave me was gone.
She’d shut down.
We ate, did some more sightseeing, and I made sure not to touch her the whole time.
It was hard, but I said I’d follow her lead and I meant it.
She didn’t make any move to touch me.
That was three days ago.