We haven’t kissed, touched, or held hands, since.
We’ve been to the movies, to dinner, just hanging out at the hotel, but it’s like we’re back to the way we were before – just friends.
Yesterday, we had another unsuccessful trip out to find her mother.
With only two Anna’s left, Mia couldn’t pick which one to go to, so she’d made me choose. Not easy to do, so I’d just shut my eyes and jabbed my finger at the paper. That was how I’d picked our next Anna to visit. I only wish I had got the other one because this one was the same as the last.
Not Mia’s Anna.
At first, I’d thought she was. Blonde and tiny, just like Mia. A really nice lady. When I’d told her why we were there, she took us inside, sat us in the living room and made us tea. Then she proceeded to tell us, in a really nice way, why there was no way she could be Mia’s mother.
She couldn’t have children.
To say I’d felt like complete shit was an understatement.
We chatted awhile, but I felt Mia slowly slipping farther away. I hated the feeling more than I could begin to express.
Anna offered us more tea, so out of politeness I’d said yes. As Anna got up to go to the kitchen, she’d paused and turned to Mia. “If I had been blessed with a child, then I would have wanted one as lovely as you.”
It had been a compliment, but it had hurt Mia. I could see it written all over her face…
“Are you okay?” I asked her quietly.
“Yes.”
I wasn’t sure if she had heard me or not. She was transfixed, watching Anna Monroe with curiosity. And longing. I could see it plain on her face. I knew Mia wished that she were her mother.
It made me hurt for her. And I worried that coming here had been a mistake. I was starting to think this search for her mother was causing her more harm than good, when Mia stood abruptly.
“You okay?” I asked again, getting to my feet and moving toward her.
Her blue eyes came to me, but she wasn’t there. She was already some place lost, and buried deep in those beautiful blues was panic. She thought she was hiding it, but I saw it.
Because I see her.
“I have to go,” she uttered, her eyes flitting to the front door.
I know when Mia needs to leave, there’s no small talk, no pleasantries. She just has to go – I’d figured that out from the visit to the first Anna Monroe.
Nodding, I took her cold hand. “Sure, babe. Let’s go.”
And I got her out of there.
Mia hadn’t talked the whole ride back home, and the instant we’d arrived, she’d just got out of the car, and went straight to her room.
I’d left her be.
I didn’t see her the whole night. I knew she needed space, so I gave it to her.
When she came out of her room this morning, she looked weary and drawn, not like herself at all. She told me she was going out, and I was disappointed.
I miss her.
I know it sounds crazy because I see her all the time, but I miss being able to touch her. Miss just being with her.
She’s been out all day. I’m starting to think she might be avoiding me.
Honestly, I don’t know what to think.
And thinking is all I’ve done, and it’s messing with my head.
I hate not knowing where I stand with her. Are we back to being just friends? Have I f**ked it up completely with her? Has she changed her mind about me … us?
I can’t just come out and ask her. I’m worried if I do, I’ll hear something I don’t want to.
I stand up, feeling irritated and frustrated, and angry with myself. It’s a f**king hot day, and it hasn’t cooled with the sun going down.
Dozer lifts his head and gives a sad sigh. He’s missing her too.
Fuck this. I need to cool off.
I strip my tank and shorts off, leaving just my boxer shorts on. I run toward the lake, down the boardwalk, and dive straight in.
The cold waters hits me, making me feel instantly clearer. I swim under the water until my lungs start to burn, forcing me to resurface. I scrub my hands over my face, drying off the water, and push my hair back. Blinking the water off my lashes, I tip my head back and float in the water as I stare up at the sky.
I’ve no idea how long I stay there like that, but when I decide to swim back, I push my legs down and lift my head to see Mia standing at the edge of the boardwalk watching me.
She looks like an angel silhouetted by the glow of the early evening sky.
Taking a deep breath, I swim to her, reaching a few feet from the boardwalk when I’m stopped in my tracks.
Fingers gripping the hem of her shirt, she pulls it over her head, dropping it to the floor.
The air is knocked out of me, and I can only stare at the gorgeous sight of her. Denim shorts and a white lace bra make for a sexy image.
She looks like a f**king angel. A sexy f**king angel.
Then she unbuttons her shorts and slides them down her legs, stepping out.
She’s wearing matching lace panties.
Thank you god.
I’m transfixed. I have never seen anything as beautiful as her.
Sitting on the edge of the boardwalk, she swings her legs in the water. Hands on the sides, she slides down, submerging herself.
She swims close to me. “Hi,” she says quietly.
“Hi.”
“I’m sorry I haven’t been around. I just—”
I shake my head. “Mia, you don’t have to explain anything—”
“Yes, I do. And I will. But not right now. Right now, all I want is for you to kiss me … and make love to me.”