I run my fingers over the bridge of my nose and take a deep breath.
Shay.
Pregnant.
A fuckin’ baby.
I picture a small baby with her dark hair. A baby of mixed nationalities, raised by two people whose own parents didn’t even want them.
I don’t know anything about being a good father.
Nothing. I never had one, I never had a good childhood, I never had anything, and that’s all I know to give back to a child.
Nothing.
I wouldn’t know how to be there emotionally. I wouldn’t know how to calm a crying baby, or how to bond with one. What the fuck do you even do with them all day long? A baby would just hog Shay, and I’d be there on the outside, wondering what the fuck happened to my life. Sure, Faye and Sin make it work, but they’re different. I’m a different man than Sin is. I’d have to move out of the clubhouse, because that’s not exactly a place you can raise a child for its entire life, and live the exact life I always said I never wanted. I’d be living a life I might grow to hate, or maybe I wouldn’t, I won’t know until it happens.
Maybe Shay was right in leaving. Maybe she knows, just as well as I do, that this child would be better off without me.
“He’s not going after her,” I hear Faye tell Sin. “You need to make him. You’re the president!”
“I can’t make him do anything,” Sin replies, sounding exasperated with her.
“Then give him a male pep talk, you’ve been in this situation. Imagine if you’d treated me like this when you found out I was pregnant. I would’ve thrown it in your face for the rest of your life.”
“Well hopefully Shay is a more kind and forgiving woman than you are,” Sin says in a dry tone. “Their situation is different than ours, and I can’t make Vinnie fix it, it’s his decision.”
“The longer he waits the harder it’s going to be to fix.”
“He only just heard she’s pregnant, let the man digest it. You can’t solve everyone’s problems.”
“The hell I can’t,” Faye mutters, and I can just imagine her giving Sin her narrow-eyed, stubborn look. “I love Vinnie, and I really like Shay. Vinnie’s kid will be my niece or nephew. This affects us all.”
“Well us standing in front of him discussing it isn’t really going to help now, is it?” Sin says. “You need to give him time. He’s a man. He will do what he wants, when he wants, not because there’s a stubborn-ass woman waiting at his door, a woman who’s not even his, talking about him where he can hear her.”
“Fine,” she says, then calls out, “Vinnie, if you don’t go and get Shay right now, you’re a dumb-ass. That’s all I’m going to say about it. Men become fathers the second they hold their baby, women become mothers the second they become pregnant. Don’t be a dick and realize too late what you’re going to miss out on.” She squeals, then yells, “Sin, put me down! I’m not finished yet.”
I hear her yelling down the hallway.
Thank fuck he took her away.
Still, her words play in my mind.
The thing about Faye—she’s usually right.
FORTY-ONE
Shayla
TALON gets me settled in his house, then leaves and tells me someone will be dropping off groceries and lunch. He says he’ll be back in the evening to take me out to dinner. So basically, I’m alone in a new house with nothing else to do but overthink my life and everything that’s happened in the last few days, which is the last thing I want to do right now. I wish Colt was here. I put on the TV and try to distract myself. I’m watching Supernatural when there’s a knock at the door. I open it, coming face-to-face with Ranger.
“Shayla,” he says, smiling, his hands full of bags.
“Hey, Ranger,” I say, opening the door wider for him. “Do you want some help?”
“Do I need any help from the knocked-up baby cousin of my president? No, thank you,” he teases, stepping inside and placing the bags on the kitchen counter.
“News travels fast, then,” I grumble, smiling when I see he brought some carrots, celery, and dip.
“Talon told only me,” Ranger explains, helping to unload the food. “Probably ’cause I was being an asshole asking why you can’t go to the damn store yourself.”
“I could’ve,” I say, opening the fridge to put the juice inside it. “But Talon said he’d sort it out.”
He mutters something unintelligible under his breath, then looks at the TV. “Supernatural, fuck yeah.”
He walks to the couch and makes himself comfortable. I peel and cut some carrots, put them on a plate with the dip, and bring it to the table.
“Thanks,” he says, scooping a big dollop onto his piece. I take in his features. Dark, thick hair tied at his nape. The beard he had is now gone, but I think he looks good either way, and he’s tall. I mean really tall. He must be at least six foot five. He’s just one giant winner-of-the-gene-pool biker. Oh, and he’s also very intelligent, just like Talon. Three degrees under his belt, and I won’t be surprised if he goes back for more. I remember he once said to me that knowledge is power, and he likes to keep his mind occupied.
“Did Talon tell you to babysit me too?” I ask, raising an eyebrow.
“Nah,” he says, chewing thoughtfully. “Talon normally doesn’t let me be around you for too long, but now you’re knocked up and Wind Dragons’ property, so I don’t think he’ll care if we hang out.”