I was already messing this up.
“What I’m trying to say is, I want you with me, but the clubhouse is my home, and I’m asking if you’re okay with living here, or did you want to move into a house somewhere else, like everyone else. I do own a house and land, which I’m renting out right now.”
“But you’d prefer to live here?”
I nod. “Yeah, I would. But what do you want?”
She throws the ball, then turns and gives me all of her attention. “If you want to live here, then I’m happy living here, Vinnie. We never really spoke about us though, and like we’ve said before, we’ve kind of always lived together because of our unusual circumstances.”
She looks unsure for a moment, but I have no fuckin’ idea why, or where she’s going with this.
“What are you saying?”
She looks down at Colt now and pats his head. “I guess I just don’t know where your head is at with us. You’ve never really talked about the future, and now that everything has calmed down, we have the opportunity to make more decisions and find out what we want to do.”
I still have no idea what she’s getting at.
“Do you want me?” I ask her, staring her down.
“Yes.”
“And you’re happy living at the clubhouse?”
“Yes,” she replies. “But—”
“Then that’s all I need to know.”
I cup her face with my hands and kiss her lips. “Don’t overthink everything. It’s still just you and me against the world, all right?”
“All right,” she whispers, puckering her lips for another kiss, which I give her. “I just think we need to have some talks about the future. I want to finish college and get my degree.”
“Then do it,” I tell her. “You don’t have to work if you don’t want to, but if you do, then that’s up to you. I’m not going to control your life, Shay, unless it comes to your safety. I agree that there’s a few things we need to discuss.”
I was putting off telling her that I didn’t want marriage or children, because women don’t react well to hearing that kind of shit. Maybe she really wanted children, and she’d leave me to find a man who would give that to her. I’d do anything to make her happy, but having a child with her isn’t something one just does for the other person. Being a father is a full-time gig that I’m not qualified for. We haven’t been together long, but she should know that, even in the future, I don’t plan on ever having children or walking down that aisle. What will I do if she leaves? Maybe that means she isn’t the one for me. My mind rejects that thought instantly, knowing that it isn’t true. I guess I can only tell her and see how she reacts.
But not today.
THIRTY-SEVEN
Shayla
I SPEND the rest of the day with Faye and Clover, while Vinnie goes to Rift to do some work. I wonder if he’s going to drop by Toxic to do some work there too.
“Do all the men go to Toxic?” I ask Faye as I help fold the new baby clothes she bought.
“At one point or another, I’d say yes,” she replies, looking up from the baby-blue onesie in her hand. “You need to trust your man, Shay. Do they go to Toxic and have a look at the women? I’m sure they do—as a matter of fact, I know that they do.” She grins. “I’ve been there before with them. You should ask Vinnie to take you there, you can go see for yourself. They look but don’t touch, unless they’re single.”
“I don’t think Vinnie would cheat,” I admit, sighing. “But you know, in the back of my head is always a part of my brain saying never to completely trust a man.”
“That part of your brain is called your common sense,” she surprises me by saying. “You can’t trust all men, and sometimes even good men mess up. You just have to go with your gut, honey. I think Vinnie is a great man. I’ve known him for many years.” She lowers her voice. “But you have to handle men in a way they don’t know they’re being handled.”
I laugh at that. “You’re amazing, you know that?”
“I do okay,” she replies, looking over to where Clover is asleep on the bed. “She’s so excited to be a big sister.”
“She’s such a great kid,” I say, smiling at her sleeping form. “You’ve done such an amazing job. I’m going to come to you for advice if I ever have children.”
“Aunty Faye will be more than happy to help,” she says, grinning, then studying me. “Now what do you want to talk to me about?”
I open my mouth, then close it. “How did you know that I—”
“I wasn’t born yesterday,” she says, cutting me off. “Is everything okay? Tell me.”
So I tell her everything that’s been on my mind.
* * *
“What on earth are you doing?” I ask Rake, who is looking into the oven like there’s a monster in there.
“I’m hungry, so I put something in the oven and now it’s burned. And Bailey is at work and isn’t here to make me something.”
Seriously?
I blink slowly. “You’re spoiled, you know that?”
“What I am is hungry,” he groans, rubbing his abs. How he stays that muscular with the amount he eats I have no idea.
“Do you want to do a food run?” I ask, feeling a little hungry myself.