“You didn’t have to do that.”
“You didn’t see yourself last night. You’re lucky you made it to the grass to throw up.”
“Oh God. I’m sorry.”
She shrugs and takes a sip of my juice. “So tell me why you broke it off with the best thing that ever happened to you.”
I stare at my empty plate, and all the grief from the past twenty-four hours comes crashing back down on me. “Because I’m not right for her.”
“Why do you think that? Seemed to me that you guys were great together.”
“We weren’t going to work out for the long haul.”
“So, you’re just not interested?” She nods. “It happens. I mean, she seems nice enough, and God knows she’s beautiful, but that’s only skin deep. Maybe’s she’s not as great as she led me to believe.”
“She’s amazing,” I whisper. “She’s better than you know.”
Chris is quiet, watching me, and finally takes my hand in hers, holding on tight. I need this, this connection with her.
“Then why aren’t you with her, J?”
“The other day, after she and I had an argument and she stormed off, frustrated with me, I drove up on an accident on the freeway. Same car as Addie’s.”
Christina’s eyes narrow, but she doesn’t say anything.
“I thought for sure it was her. I thought that she’d been angry, and she got into an accident, and that she’d been hurt. God, C, for about an hour there, when I didn’t know for sure if it was her, I thought that I’d killed her.”
“What are you talking about?”
I shake my head, staring at our linked hands. “I can’t continue a relationship with her. Yes, she’s the best thing that ever happened to me, but don’t you get it? I’ll only fuck up her life.”
She’s scowling at me now, shaking her head. “I’m not following you at all, Jake.”
“I hurt people. I disappoint people.” I swallow hard. “I didn’t care for my dad the way I should have the last few years of his life.”
“You were doing exactly what your dad wanted you to be doing, Jake. He was so proud of you, he was bursting with it.”
“How do you know?”
“Who do you think gave him regular updates on you? I spoke to him all the time. Do you know how many times I heard I’m so proud of that boy?” A tear slips down her cheek. “He wanted you to chase after the music, Jake. It would have pissed him off if you’d done anything else.”
“I know,” I whisper. She’s right. He would have. But fuck, how I miss him. I wish I’d been the one to call him regularly, to tell him about my life. “And there’s you.”
“Me?” She raises her brows.
“You.” I shake my head slowly. “I’m so sorry, C.”
“For what? For being a douche bag?”
“For the accident.” I meet her gaze now, surprised to find so much confusion in her pretty eyes. “For you losing your leg. For the horrible things I said to you before you drove off in that car that night. For it taking you so damn long to get pregnant.”
“Yeah, let’s talk about this, Jake. You’ve been dodging me on this for five damn years, and it’s time you and I have this conversation.”
“I don’t want to talk about it,” I reply. “I just wanted to apologize for it.”
“I don’t want your fucking apology!” she shouts, slamming her hand on the table. “I want you to listen to me!”
I sit back, stunned. She’s never, never yelled at me before. Not like this.
“You’re so damn stubborn,” she mutters and takes a deep breath. “First of all, I want to know, what do you think it was that you said to me before the accident?”
“You know what I said. I told you that if you didn’t like the lifestyle I’d chosen you could get the fuck out of it. I didn’t need you.”
“No you didn’t.” She’s frowning, shaking her head. “Jake, I don’t remember much about the accident itself, but I remember everything about that conversation. You were drunk as fuck, and you might have been on something, who knows.”
I cringe.
“And I was lecturing you, telling you to grow the hell up. You were drinking too much, experimenting with drugs, fucking a lot of women. I was telling you to get a grip on your life.”
“And I told you to fuck off.”
“No. You didn’t. You didn’t say much of anything at all. Maybe you were saying those things in your head, but I couldn’t get you to say anything, so I told you I’d talk to you the next day after you sobered up, and I left. Jake, do you really think I’d let you tell me that you didn’t need me and to get out of your life? I’d have kicked your ass.”
I smirk, then sober up again. “It doesn’t matter, the end result was the same. You were upset at me, and because of that you got in that accident.”
“Bullshit.”
I throw my hands up in frustration. “Now who’s stubborn?”
“You wouldn’t listen to anyone, Jake. The accident wasn’t my fault. It wasn’t anyone’s fault. I was merging onto the freeway, and the car ahead of me lost a tire. It came bouncing straight at my car, hit me, and made me lose control. I was pinned in that car because a tire fell off, not because I was so upset at you that I lost control.”