I pull into my driveway and bypass the house, headed for the studio.
“You know, you were much more punctual before you had a girlfriend,” Max says with a grin as I walk inside, but when he sees my face, he sobers. “What’s wrong.”
I shake my head and sit in my office chair. “What am I doing, man?”
“Well, right now you’re freaking me out,” he replies and walks toward me, dropping into the chair on the other side of my desk. “Who died?”
“That’s not funny.”
“I didn’t mean it to be funny.”
I pick up a pen and tap it on the desk, turning it from end to end. “No one’s dead.” I tell him about the argument and coming up on the crash and waiting at the hospital for what felt like hours.
“She’s not Christina,” he says softly.
“I fucking know that.”
“But it scared you.”
I nod. “It was five years ago, all over again. And then I felt like such an asshole.”
“Because you were worried that she might have been in an accident?” Max asks with a scowl. “Yeah, that’s a real dick move.”
“No, because I started this relationship with an amazing woman. Because I’m playing music every weekend again, and I’m loving it. And I don’t deserve any of it, Max. I walked away from performing for a reason. I don’t do the relationship thing for a reason.”
Max sighs. “You know, I never really understood what exactly those reasons are.”
I narrow my eyes on my best friend, not afraid to deck him if I need to. “People around me get hurt.”
“Bullshit.”
“How can you say that? You were there five years ago. Before that.” I stand and pace. “Christina lost her leg because of me.”
“As she has said, many times, bullshit.”
I shake my head. “It’s not bullshit. And that could have been Addie today. She could have been hurt. She could have been killed.”
My blood runs cold at the thought. I lower myself into the chair and stare at Max. “She deserves so much better than me, man.”
“Maybe she should be the one to decide what she deserves.”
“I have to quit performing.”
“You’re an idiot.”
“Boy, that’s the truth.”
“And you’re being a selfish asshole.”
I stare at Max in disbelief just as my phone pings with a text.
Addie:
Kat says you were worried about me. I’m okay. I’m sorry that you were worried. Let’s talk tomorrow, okay?
“First of all, five years ago was an accident. It wasn’t your fault, but you’ve convinced yourself that it was. So the band broke up, which I don’t have too much resentment over anymore. I mean, we probably would have broken up at some point anyway, and this writing and producing gig is awesome.
“But you’ve become a hermit. And Addie was bringing you out of that. You deserve to be loved, you know.”
I shake my head, but he interrupts me before I can speak. “You do. Everyone does. You deserve to fall in love and have a dozen babies and do what you love. If you love to sing for a couple hundred people every weekend in a pretty cool restaurant, then do it.”
I don’t respond. I simply nod and stand and walk out of the studio. I need some time in the pool.
I need Addie. Everything in me is screaming at me to go find her, to hug her and make sure that she’s really safe and whole.
But Addie doesn’t need me.
Chapter Fifteen
Addison
“It’s going to be another stellar day in Portland, Bill.”
“Indeed it is, Shelley.”
I glance out the window and smile at the sunshine. The newspeople are right; it’s going to be another beautiful day in Portland.
I reach my arms high above me, stretching, and then bend over to touch my toes. Even in heels, I can touch my toes.
Not bad, if I do say so myself.
I feel great today. I slept like the freaking dead, although I would have slept better if I’d been wrapped around a certain sexy rock star, but I think it was good to have a night away from each other. My chat with Cici helped a lot. I know that there will be times that we get on each other’s nerves, but we’re just human. It happens.
And whether I like it or not, he’s a celebrity, and there will be times that he’s gone, around other famous people, and photos will be taken. The press is a son of a bitch who likes to start rumors, and I need to learn to trust.
Because I don’t really believe that he’d hurt me. Not on purpose.
In fact, I miss him. I reach for my phone, but stop with my thumb hovering over his name. What am I going to say? I’m sorry seems trite.
But I am sorry.
Just as I’m about to tap on his name, the doorbell rings, and I can’t help but smile and rush to the door, butterflies taking flight in my belly.
I hope it’s Jake.
I’m not disappointed when I fling the door wide open. He’s leaning on the jamb, and when his eyes meet mine, I see relief in their green depths.
I grip his hand in mine and pull him inside, then launch myself into his arms, holding him tightly around the neck.
“I was just about to call you! Jake, I’m so sorry for yesterday. I totally overreacted. I think I was thrown off and irritated by Jeremy showing up, and then you surprised me, and I really just reacted poorly.” I kiss his cheek and bury my face in his neck. God, he feels so damn good. “But I talked with Cici for a while yesterday and she helped me come to my senses. Sometimes I just let my emotions get the best of me. I’m sorry.”