Tonight I even have news of my own.
“Noah Thompson asked me to go to the pajama party with him,” I announce. Levi had been in the process of taking a bite of his cheeseburger when I say this. He pauses, then sets his burger on his plate.
“Eeep!” Georgia says. “What happened?”
I tell my friends how it went down earlier that day. Levi, who’s playing with his fries, never lifts his head during my story. Which is a pretty boring story as far as stories go. Noah walked up to me in the hallway. He smiled. He said, “Do you want to go to the pajama party with me?”
I had to think about it for a moment because he’s not the first person I would’ve chosen. But maybe I needed to consider other guys.
“Yeah,” I told Noah. “I’ll go.”
He grinned. “Awesome, I’ll pick you up at eight.”
I attend the party every year, but I’ve never taken a date. Some girls wear lacy negligees or short shorts, but I always wear long plaid pants and a T-shirt. I need something cuter to wear for Noah.
He’s a nice, cute guy but I don’t have much interest in kissing him or anything. I don’t know if that’s because I don’t want to kiss him, or I miss kissing Levi.
God, what’s wrong with me? Why can’t my heart listen to my mind? Levi and I are over. We were never together to begin with. He doesn’t want a girlfriend. If he did, he would’ve been willing to talk about us.
Today after I agreed to go to the pajama party, Noah took my hand in the hallway, and it felt like I was finally getting some of the high school experience. The real stuff, not the crazy shit on Hunter’s bucket list.
Levi doesn’t say much during dinner. I wish I knew what he was thinking. Is he upset because he hates Noah or sad because he misses me?
• • •
On the Saturday before the Atlanta Classic, which starts on Tuesday, Levi has an appointment for a massage.
He wanted to try acupuncture to treat his stiff ankle, but Coach Josh said no way, he’s not trying something new this close to a meet.
Georgia went to Knoxville for a full-day practice camp with the University of Tennessee cheerleading squad.
On top of that, there’s no Saturday afternoon swim practice because the team is tapering, so I decide to go watch Hunter’s baseball game against Fayetteville.
At the Hundred Oaks ballpark behind the school, I choose a seat in the stands. It’s a gorgeous sunny day, though gusty winds are making knots of my hair.
It feels a little awkward sitting here by myself. It’s starting to get real that my friends and I are going to be apart. Instead of Levi picking me up every morning, I’ll be walking to the pool. No more Friday night trips to Jiffy Burger with Georgia and Hunter and Levi except for when we’re on break from college. But I’m excited to work with one of the best college swimming coaches in the country. It’s exciting and sad all at once.
Right before the game is about to start, Shelby Goodwin appears at the bottom of the stands, peering up at the rows as if trying to decide where to sit. She sees me and heads my way. I don’t know how she does it, but she always manages to look cute, no matter the weather. Her blond hair is flat-ironed and doesn’t appear the least bit affected by the wind, and she’s wearing ripped jeans, dirty boots, a plaid shirt, and sunglasses. Her family owns a horse farm, so I imagine she spent the morning working out the horses.
“Can I sit with you?” she asks, and I nod.
Hundred Oaks is taking the field as she settles down beside me. The players run out to their positions as Hunter makes his way to the pitcher’s mound at his own pace. The game can’t start without him. He pounds his fist into his glove, breaking it in. Hunter gazes over at the stands, catching sight of us, and waves with a big smile on his face.
“He’s glad you’re here,” I tell her.
She nods somberly and looks away from me, picking at her thumbnail. “I know what you guys must think of me.”
“I worry my friend is going to get hurt, but he can make his own decisions. And you can do whatever you want with a guy you like.”
“I do like him… I might even more than like him, you know? But I’m a sophomore. I have two years left of high school, and he’s leaving for Colorado… You don’t know how bad I wish we were the same age.”
“I get that.”
“It just doesn’t seem realistic that we’d be happy so far apart from each other. And I want the next two years of high school to be awesome. My brother and his girlfriend can barely stand being apart long enough to go to class. I can’t imagine being happy when the guy I love is so far away…” Her voice chokes up a little.
To me, it seems like, for Shelby, having a good time in high school is more important than trying to have a long-distance relationship. And that’s okay. We only experience high school once. It’s up to her to decide how to spend it.
I always feel bad for Jason because he’s swimming his life away when he’d rather be doing something else. I can’t fault Shelby for taking care of herself—her wants and needs.
When I look back on this time of my life, I know I’ll be glad that swimming was the cornerstone, but also that I had great friends. I chose this life for myself. Shelby should be allowed to choose her life too, like Hunter’s made his own decision to go to the Air Force Academy. If he wants to continue spending time with Shelby on her terms, I can’t stop him.
“What’s happening with you and Levi?” Shelby asks as a player from Fayetteville steps up to the plate, tapping his bat against his cleats.
“We’re getting back to normal.”
Hunter pulls off his ball cap, wipes the sweat from his brow, and secures it back in place. He cleans the baseball off on his pants and stares the batter down.
“Are you okay with that?” Shelby asks.
She’s been honest with me, so I decide to do the same. “I’m not sure.”
“Do you not want to do the long-distance thing either? I mean, you’re going to California, and he’ll be in Texas. That’s huge.”
I shrug a little. “I’ve thought about how much I’ll miss him, but I haven’t really thought about making a long-distance relationship work, to be honest. It’s not like we’re together.”
Levi was right—things were intense between us. Yes, I’m going to the pajama party with Noah Thompson, but it’s not like I picture myself kissing him. When I was getting lessons from Levi, there was no other guy I was practicing for. It was only him.
But if you’re truly interested in somebody, you wouldn’t let coaches or parents or the fact you’re on the same team stop you from dating, right? I was ready to have that talk. He wasn’t. I need to accept that and move on already.
“I think if Levi and I were together,” I say slowly, “I’d deal with the fact we’re in different states.”
“Somebody’s in love,” she sings with a smile.
“We’re not in love. If he’d truly wanted me, he would’ve talked to me—instead of pushing me away. He would’ve been mature about it.”
“Maybe. Maybe not,” Shelby says, cleaning her sunglasses on her shirt tail. “Guys do dumb stuff sometimes.”
“Oh yeah?”
“Yeah. Did Hunter tell you how he pretended to deliver a pizza just to visit me? I was joking when I suggested it. I never imagined he’d actually do it!”
Shelby and I crack up.
Out on the field, the count is 3–2. Hunter winds up and hurls the ball right down the middle of home plate.
“Strike three!” the ump calls, and the stands erupt with cheers.
Hunter grins as he runs off the field and waves up at us again. I peek at Shelby out of the corner of my eye. Her smile is trembling.
Sacrifice sucks, but sometimes it’s necessary to get what you truly need.
• • •
The Atlanta Classic swim meet will take place over three days, and one of them is my birthday.
I’m turning eighteen.
Coach Josh checks us into our hotel and gives us the usual lecture about not doing anything stupid. No sneaking out after nine. No parties in our rooms. No ordering so much Chinese takeout you can barely move the next day. (He looked directly at Jason with that one.)