I nod robotically.
“And you’ve still got 200 free later. I have a feeling you’ll do great.”
I slip my feet into my sneakers and stalk off the deck, passing Roxy celebrating with her family.
“Congratulations, Maggie!” her mom calls out. I give her a quick wave, then continue on, needing to be alone. I slide down next to a drink machine in a corner. I can’t believe I lost.
To make my thoughts stop racing, I picture myself lying on a beach under the hot sun. But the image turns into one of me and Levi, playing cards on a beach towel at Normandy Lake. New, hot tears rush down my face. I can’t believe what happened—I called my best friend an asshole.
While I’m hiding in the hallway, I hear Levi announced as the winner of 100 breaststroke.
That makes me smile. Even though he hurt me beyond belief, I’m still proud of him. He’s the best.
So this is what heartbreak feels like.
Jenga
I hope and pray to God I’ll do better in my second final of the day: 200 free.
To prepare, I stretch all my muscles and inhale deeply through my nose.
“Maggie!”
I look up from touching my toes to find Hunter and Georgia walking up. He’s still in his Raiders baseball uniform, and Georgia looks comfortable in leggings and a light sweater. It’s hard to believe spring is two weeks away. Normally I’d be terribly excited for warm weather and flowers blooming, but at the moment it feels like the dark of winter will never end.
“I’m so excited you guys are here,” I say. “I lost.”
We give each other side hugs.
“That sucks about your first race,” Hunter says. “But second place is pretty amazing, Mags.”
“Yeah.”
Georgia touches my elbow. “Is something wrong? Levi wouldn’t talk to us.”
“I don’t want to talk about him, okay?” I snap, startling Georgia.
Hunter pats my back, ignoring my outburst. “Can I do anything?”
“Tell me about something. Anything.”
He continues rubbing friendly circles on my back. “You won’t believe what happened at my baseball game today.”
Georgia starts cracking up so hard her face turns red.
“I can’t wait to hear this,” I say.
“Shelby and I haven’t had a whole lot of alone time lately because her dad won’t let me come over after the pizza delivery incident, and my house is always packed.” Hunter has three sisters. “I had a bit of time before the game was going to start, so Shelby and I snuck off to the equipment shed.”
Georgia snorts loudly, and Hunter gives her a look.
“We were fooling around, and I guess we were a little loud and didn’t notice the window was open…until the guys outside the shed started cheering us on.”
“Oh my God,” I say. “So now everybody on your team knows what you sound like when you’re—”
“Doing the nasty?” Georgia says. “Yup.”
Hunter shakes his head. “It’s not nasty. It’s beautiful.”
“Oh my God,” I say again. I’d be mortified. “Is Shelby okay?”
“No one saw us. She thought it was pretty funny, but I think she’s hoping and praying it doesn’t get back to her parents!”
“Maggie,” Coach Josh calls. “You’re up.”
“Gotta go, guys. Thank you so much for coming.”
They give me good luck hugs, and then I’m off. When I hit the deck, I’m not even nervous. I’m still laughing at Hunter’s story. I wipe the tears from my eyes as I head over to the blocks. Levi sees me chuckling, and it makes him grin as he fingers the goggles hanging around his neck. I wipe the smile off my face.
I strip out of my sweats and down to my suit, adjust my bottoms to make sure I don’t have a wedgie, and listen to Coach Josh’s last minute pep talk. He squeezes my shoulders. “Listen, Maggie. You swam your personal best in this event two weeks ago. You only need to do one thing today.”
“Try to improve a little?”
He smiles. “You got it.”
I step up to the blocks at lane four. Roxy’s in lane five. She says something, but I don’t process her words. I take a few practice strokes and shake out my arms. Adjust my cap and make sure my goggles are secure. Keep my eyes focused on the water in front of me.
The buzzer beeps, and I leap.
My dive is perfect. I dolphin kick to the surface and fluidly begin my free stroke. Elbows high, elbows high. I count my strokes, perfectly measuring when to make my turns. On the last length of the pool, I can feel it. I have some energy left. It’s a bit of improvement. I go for it. I put all my strength into my stroke, making this race mine.
On my last stroke, I slam both hands into the side of the pool to finish. I pop up out of the water to face the scoreboard.
My name is at the top!
I won! I won the state championship in 200 free!
I slap my hand on top of the water and scream along with the people cheering for me, doing a little dance in the water. This isn’t usually my strongest race. I never expected this. Never!
“Nice race, Maggie,” Roxy says, giving me a perfunctory hug. “See you in Huntsville next month. Tell Levi I can’t wait to see him again too,” she taunts, and climbs out of the pool.
Never in my life have I been so tempted to dunk someone. Instead I hop out of the water and rush for Coach Josh and my parents. Hunter and Georgia are there with big hugs. Oma, Opa, and Ms. Lucassen are all over me too.
“You were amazing!” Mom says.
“You’re nearly as good as I was back in the Netherlands,” Oma says.
“We’ll have to celebrate with a pizza party,” Opa says. Levi’s grandparents are the cutest.
“You are crushing it in this event,” Coach adds. “I think you’re starting to have a better chance in free than in back.”
Levi is standing a few feet away. He bites his lower lip.
Then Jason breaks the tension of the moment. “Wooo, Maggie King!” he yells, slapping my butt with a kickboard and darting off.
“Jerk!” I say.
I turn and shuffle-chase after him in my sneakers, glad for the excuse to avoid Levi.
Because he looks devastated.
Just like me.
• • •
Later that night, while Mom and Dad go check on a wedding reception one of their junior associates planned, I lie on the sofa wiping tears from my eyes. I’m surrounded by a snowstorm of tissues. It reminds me of Levi’s bed the other day when he was sick. Why does everything make me think of him?
I’m proud I won 200 free. Really proud. When I checked my phone, I must’ve had more than a hundred texts and messages from people congratulating me on winning the state championship. I did do very well.
And maybe Coach is right. Maybe I am better in 200 free than in backstroke. Not that I’m giving up back. Maybe my swimming career is just changing.
Everything’s changing.
A tear slides down my cheek. No, I’m not crying about backstroke. I’m crying because the most important relationship of my life is not as strong as I thought it was. Levi hurt me to avoid having a serious conversation. If our friendship broke this easily, the rest of my life must be as fragile as a Jenga tower.
The doorbell rings. I don’t bother getting up to answer it.
A minute later Levi appears in the doorway to the den.
“What are you doing here? And who said you can barge into my house like this?”
He flinches. “When you didn’t answer the door, I got worried.” He pointedly looks at my mess of Kleenex. He sucks in a breath. “What I did today was a total dick move. I know it.”
“Yeah, it was.”
He hesitates. “I’m sorry. Can you forgive me?”
“I’ll always forgive you Levi, but I’m really angry with you right now. I don’t know why you’re here.”
Levi sucks on his lower lip. “I hope I didn’t mess up our friendship.”
What friendship? I’m about to say, when I realize I don’t want to hurt him. I pretty much hate him right now, but I want to be a bigger person than that. No one deserves to be treated like he treated me today.