“Georgia. No.”
“C’mon! How about these policewoman pajamas? You can carry handcuffs.”
“No! What are you going to wear?” I ask her.
“Hello Kitty.”
That gives me an idea. I type into the search box. Pictures pop up and Georgia’s eyes balloon. “That’s definitely sexy.”
I click on the pajamas and order them because they remind me of Levi.
“Are you going with David?”
She nods. “Get this. My mother loves him.”
“Really?” That’s surprising. Georgia’s mom sticks her nose up at pretty much everybody, even the preacher at church.
“I was shocked,” Georgia says. “At first it made me wonder whether Hunter is right, that I could do better, because who wants to date a guy their totally strict mother approves of? But then David kissed me, and it was pretty good.”
I smile. “So you’re sticking with him?”
“For now. We’re having fun.”
“Is it serious?”
She looks down at her twined fingers. “I don’t know. I’m not sure if I’m ready for serious yet. I like what you said about experimenting, because I’m getting used to dating again…and part of me wants to be single when I get to college.”
Based on the magazines in Mom’s office at King’s Royal Engagements, it seems like society doesn’t interpret being single as a positive. We spend a lot of time dressing up, putting on makeup, removing unwanted hair, going on dates, all in the hope of finding someone to spend our lives with.
Before Levi, nothing—not even finding a soul mate—was as important as swimming. Now? I want someone to talk to at night, to tell about how practice went that day. I want to cuddle with a guy who finishes my sentences…and works out the annoying knots in my shoulders.
But it’s okay to be single too. I’m glad Georgia’s figuring out what she wants, or in this case, simply going with the flow. She’s okay with being with a guy who might be great for now, but maybe not forever.
The next day at lunch, the sophomore who lives in Levi’s neighborhood appears at our table. She scoots a chair between Levi and me. I raise my eyebrows at him, only to find he’s focused on her.
“Patches had such a good time playing with Pepper yesterday,” she says. “My mom was pissed the dog came home all wet and muddy, but Patches was happy.”
Levi grins. “My dog is totally going to corrupt your dog.”
“Can they play again soon?”
“I have practice every day this week, but maybe Friday after school? By the way, do you know my friends?” He introduces us all to Rebecca.
She looks at me for a sec, then turns back to Levi. “There’s going to be a puppy bowl at the pajama party this year. Do you and Pepper want to come with me and Patches?”
Levi looks at me over Rebecca’s shoulder. “If I’m not too tired that night, then sure. Pepper always likes getting out of the house.”
My heart deflates. Levi told me he wants another chance, and I said I needed time to consider it. How much time do I get? I hope he’s not interested in Rebecca—but even if he isn’t, there will eventually be another girl.
It’s something I don’t want to think about.
• • •
The day before the pajama party, I’m lounging on the back deck in my bikini, trying to tan. And by trying to tan, I mean burn. The thing about my skin is it will eventually bronze, but it has to burn a little first. Then I turn from a lobster into a giant freckle.
Tanning is the perfect excuse to relax and figure out my life. Try to, anyway. A flock of geese fly across blue skies in a perfect V. If only my relationship with Levi was that clear.
I love him. I want a relationship with him. But we’re going to different colleges, and both of us have full plates. Do we need to add one more stressor? More than anything, I want him to be happy—and for me to be happy too. He said I’m more important to him than swimming. I believe that. And I believe he wants to be with me. A sharp pain fills my chest at the idea of losing him.
Mom pokes her head out the back door. “Tadpole, Hunter’s here. He’s in the den.”
I take off my sunglasses, slip my cover-up over my head, and go inside to find Hunter hunched over on the couch, his eyes puffy and red.
“Are you okay?” I say in a rush.
Looking up at me, he nods slowly. “Can I have something to drink, please?”
In the kitchen I pour him a glass of water, then rejoin him on the couch, where he’s staring at the unlit fireplace.
“What’s up?”
He takes the water from my hand, drinking most of it in one go. “Shelby ended it with me for good.”
“What? I thought you guys were going to stay casual until you leave!”
“We had a big fight about whatever the hell our relationship is. She said things would be different if I were going to college somewhere nearby…so I told her I’d back out of the Air Force Academy if that’s what it took.” My eyes go wide, and he goes on. “I said I’d go to school in Tennessee. And then she got really mad.”
“Why?”
He sets the empty glass on the side table. “She said she wasn’t letting me throw away the Air Force for her. I’m going there because every guy in my family went…and I want to serve my country, but I want her too.”
Hunter leans over and buries his face in his hands. I rub his shoulder.
“Shelby said we need to end this now before we get in any deeper, and I told her I love her…and then she asked me to leave.”
“Oh God,” I mumble. “That sucks.”
“I know she loves me.”
Based on what she said at the baseball game, I think she does too. “Hunter, Shelby really cares about you. That’s why she wants you to go to the Air Force Academy. You’ve been working toward it for so long. You’re going to be their star pitcher!”
He smiles a little. His stomach suddenly rumbles.
“Hungry?”
“Not really.”
It rumbles again.
“Not hungry, my ass.” I fish my cell phone out of the sofa cushions to order takeout. “Pizza?”
Hunter rubs his watery eyes with a thumb and forefinger. “It’s Jiffy Burger night.”
“We don’t have to go. I’ll invite everybody over here.”
“That sounds good. I don’t much feel like going out.”
I message Georgia and Levi to get their butts over to my house. We’re doing something different for dinner.
Georgia arrives ten minutes later, followed closely by Levi. She sees that Hunter is totally wrecked and sits with him on the couch. Levi joins me on the love seat.
We’ve talked since he declared his feelings for me but not about anything important—unless you count his story about Pepper escaping her bath at the groomer’s, darting through the pet store, and shaking soapy water all over a cage full of angry hamsters.
My nose catches a whiff of Levi’s cedar scent, reminding me of the time we got tangled up on these cushions and he worshipped my body.
When Levi sees me looking at him, he clears his throat. “What’s going on? Why aren’t we going to Jiffy Burger?”
Hunter goes through his story again for Georgia and Levi, and she throws herself at Hunter, hugging him tight.
“I’m here for you,” Georgia whispers to him, and he rests his forehead against hers.
Levi and I stare at each other.
I can’t imagine life without him. And even though we’re going to separate colleges, I would figure out how to make it work. I could do long distance. I’d video chat with him every night. I’d take the risk of not seeing my boyfriend every day for us to be together. I would want him any way I can have him.
But I still don’t know whether I could stand the pain of losing him again.
The pizza arrives, and my friends sit in the den to eat. Georgia also raids Dad’s party supply closet, finding fake coconut cups with little umbrellas. We drink our water out of them as if we’re lounging at the beach together.
It’s not Jiffy Burger, but it’s still fun. We’re still together. And even though we’re going to college, maybe things won’t automatically change between us.