“Wow. He’s got it bad.” Bailey covered her heart with her hand and stuck out her bottom lip.
“What do you mean?” Caroline was tired of feeling clueless. “And why do I feel so stupid right now? I mean, shouldn’t I be the one with all the answers? Why are you so insightful all of a sudden?”
“I’ve always been insightful, brat! You’ve just never needed my insight before because your life has always been perfect. Even when your choices were hard, you always knew exactly what you wanted, so no one could stop you. You never needed advice from anyone, because you never cared what anyone would tell you.”
Bailey shook her head and went on. “I think that’s the weirdest part for me with all of this. I just don’t really get why this situation is so different for you.”
“I think because I’m in so deep. Like I pushed for me and Clay to be here. I mean, there is no reason why Clay would feel like I wouldn’t want to marry him, you know what I mean? This was always part of my plan.”
Bailey interrupted her flow. “Until now…”
Caroline nodded her head in agreement and repeated, “Until now…”
“Well, listen. Jackson’s just telling you that you guys can’t talk any more because he’s hurt. And having you in his life is too painful. Since you’ve agreed to marry your freaking boyfriend, he can’t keep talking to you. That can only end badly for him. He’s not winning this battle, so he has to bow out before it literally kills him.”
“You should be a love counselor or something.” She smiled at her beautiful friend.
“It’s about time you appreciated my awesomeness,” Bailey remarked.
“I do,” Caroline said before she wrapped her arms around her friend’s neck. “Thank you so much, Bailey.”
Chapter Thirteen
Caroline mentally kept count of the number of days it had been since she and Jackson last talked. It surprised her that the pain in her heart never seemed to lessen as the days quickly turned into weeks.
The intercom blared and she looked down to see Bailey’s extension number on the phone’s monitor.
“What’s up?”
Bailey’s sympathetic tone asked, “Just making sure you’re okay.”
Caroline stared at the tan fabric lines of her cubicle wall. “I’m okay, thanks.”
Bailey sensed her unease. “Still counting days?”
Caroline winced. “It’s so hard, Bails. I guess I never realized how deeply he had become a part of me, you know? But it’s like I can literally feel the emptiness inside of me now that he’s gone.” She paused and her voice turned into a whisper. “It hurts to breathe.”
Bailey cringed. “I’m sorry, Care. I can’t even imagine how much it hurts.”
“I just really miss him.”
“Caroline, this came for you.” Caroline jerked and swung around in her chair as the receptionist placed a small white envelope on Caroline’s desk.
“What was that?” Bailey asked.
“Lisa just dropped off a letter for me. Let me open it and I’ll call you right back.”
Her eyes lit up when she saw the “New York, NY” postage mark. She carefully opened the envelope and removed the paper from within. It read:
Dear Caroline,
I know now that I must truly let you go. As impossible as it seems, it feels even more impossible to do. The idea of living my life without you just feels wrong somehow, but I know it’s what I have to do.
I’ve thought a lot about us these past few weeks. At first, I wanted answers as to why you came into my life if we weren’t supposed to be together. It seemed so cruel, so unfair. Why would I get to meet and fall in love with you, if I didn’t get to be with you?
I don’t know…sometimes I think that we’re like two ships passing in the night, aware of one another, but unable to come together. The current–too strong, the waves–too high, the weather–too stormy. If it was only one of those things, maybe we could have overcome it, but with all of them working against us at once, it was too difficult. Maybe if we had found each other in another time or place, things might have been different?
In all the pain however, there is hope. What you’ve given me, what you’ve made me feel. You brought me to life. I never knew I could feel so deeply for another. I never knew I could want to so badly. You’ve inspired me. And for that I am thankful.
I will always love you. I hope for your success and happiness. I wish so much that things were different for us, but I want you to know that I don’t blame you. I’m not bitter. I understand the difficult position you are in and I’m so sorry for simplifying a situation that is clearly anything but simple.
Loving you and letting you go is probably the hardest thing I’ll ever have to do. The fact that you are walking out of my life and down the aisle to another man is more painful than I can put into words. Just know that.
Forever Yours,
Jackson
Caroline struggled to catch the breath that lodged in her throat. His words sent deep fissures splintering through her already fractured heart. Desperately she attempted to read the letter again through blurred and watery eyes.
Her fingers trembled as she dialed Bailey’s extension.
“Talk to me,” Bailey answered.
“Get over here,” Caroline whispered emotionally and promptly hung up.
Bailey handed the paper to Caroline. “Holy shit. This is…I don’t even know what to say. How are you feeling? WHAT are you feeling?”