“So I guess it’s better you live your life unhappy so everyone else can be happy?”
“Don’t be mean. It’s not that,” she fretted.
“Then WHAT is it? Tell me. Help me see what the hell it is that you’re thinking? Make it okay for me that I let you go. God, Caroline, do you love me or not?” he asked half-crazed.
“Of course I love you. The thought of not being with you makes me feel like nothing will ever truly be right in my life again.”
His heart beat wildly with hope against the confines of his chest. “When two people love each other, they should be together.”
Filled with guilt, she asked. “At what cost? Any? That’s so selfish. I can’t live my life only thinking of myself with no regard for anyone else.”
“No. You can’t. But it’s not like you’re already married. You haven’t taken that leap yet.” His voice quivered as his tone changed. “I’m just asking you not to take it, Caroline. Because once you do that…well, I can’t keep doing this. Not if you choose to marry him.”
“Clay doesn’t deserve this.”
“But I do?”
“I never asked to meet you!” Caroline pulled the phone away from her face and yelled into the receiver. Once the words passed through her teeth she desperately wished she could stuff them back into her mouth and swallow them whole.
“As much as I’d love to say I didn’t ask to meet you either, I can’t.” The dejection coursed from his lips to her ears. “I’ve waited my whole life to find someone like you.”
“I didn’t mean that Jackson, I’m sorry…”
“I know.”
“It’s just that I need to be able to look at myself in the mirror and like the person I see there. You understand that, don’t you?”
“I do,” he sighed.
“I just need a little time to figure this all out.”
Caroline’s stomach knotted with anticipation as she waited for his response.
“I can’t wait.” Jackson’s words came out resolute mixed with disbelief.
“What do you mean, you can’t wait?” Anger coursed through her body with the intensity of white-hot heat.
His feelings spilled out into the phone. “I can’t just sit here and wait for you any more. I’ve been waiting for the last six months and look what it’s got me…a girl with a ring on her finger and a completely shattered heart.” His tone changed back to the cruel one meant to cause her pain.
“So, what then? This is it? We end it just like this?” She spat back, her head pounding.
“I can’t keep doing this to myself. It’s torture. And it’s not fair to me.”
She felt the warmth of her anger dissipate as cold shock rapidly filled its place. “What about how I feel?”
“If you’re not going to leave him, then it doesn’t really matter how you feel, does it?” A breath tore from her mouth with a loud huff as her head shook with disbelief at his words.
“Goodbye, Caroline. I love you. Please don’t call me any more.” He hung up the phone before she could respond.
Caroline sat on Bailey’s bed, staring at her cell phone. What the hell just happened and how did things go from him telling her he loved her, to saying goodbye forever?
“Bailey!!!” Caroline yelled out through her tears, which once again, fell uncontrollably down her cheeks.
The door swung open and Bailey ran into the room. “What happened?”
Caroline shook her head. “I don’t know. One minute he was begging me not to marry Clay, telling me he loved me. And the next, he’s telling me he can’t keep doing this and not to call him ever again.”
“He said that?” Bailey scrunched up her face and gave her a weird look.
“Yeah.”
“Well, wait, hold on. Back up. He told you he loved you?” Bailey smiled.
“Among other things, yes.”
“Did you tell him you loved him back?” Bailey grinned.
Caroline eyed her friend. “I did. Do you think I’m a bad person?”
“Of course not! But, oh my God! You love him?”
“I think I do.” She shrugged her shoulders and then quickly recanted. “I mean, I know I do. I just don’t know if it’s real.”
“What do you mean; you don’t know if it’s real? Of course it’s real.” Bailey reassured.
“Well, how do I know for sure? What if I’m just convincing myself that I love him? What if I’m imagining feelings that aren’t based in reality?”
“I’m sorry, Caroline, but when in your life have you ever done that? And why would you? What would be the point?”
“I don’t know, but he’s not here and I don’t have to see him every day—so what if that’s why I think I like him so much?” Caroline shook her head and closed her eyes. “I feel completely out of control.”
“Why?”
“Because it feels like my world is spinning a million miles an hour and I’m barely holding on.”
“You can stop the spinning, you know. Or at least slow it down.”
Caroline wished she believed Bailey, but she didn’t.
“So how did it end? I mean, how did you guys get off the phone?” Bailey wondered.
“He basically hung up on me after saying not to call him again.”