“Morning,” Bailey said from her side of the bed.
“Hi.”
“How do you feel?”
“Just as awful and confused as I did last night.” Caroline’s face crinkled. “But you know the worst part?” Her eyes filled up with tears.
“What?”
“All I keep thinking about is Jackson. Why hasn’t he called, or texted, or something?”
Bailey smiled softly from her pillow. “I don’t think that’s the worst part.”
Caroline stared at her friend. “God, I am so tired of crying. How is it possible I have any stupid tears left? This is ridiculous.”
Bailey smirked. “You should try to call him. And you should do it now, while you’re here and we can still buy you time with Clay.”
Caroline nodded. “Okay.”
Bailey stretched and let out a yawn. “I’ll be in the other room if you need me.”
“Thanks.” Caroline reached across the bed toward the nightstand. She grabbed her phone and pressed the button to call Jackson. As it rang, her whole body began to shake uncontrollably. She was nervous. It rang more times than it had in the past six months. She thought he wasn’t going to answer, but he did.
“Hello.” His voice sounded ragged, tired, and beaten.
“Hi.” She didn’t even know where to begin. “How are you?” She wanted to kick herself after those words escaped her lips.
“Um, I’m pretty terrible, Caroline. How are you?” He was still angry, hurt, and bitter.
Her heart twisted into knots at the tone of his voice and made the bile in her stomach rise into her throat. “I’m a mess,” she admitted.
“I don’t want to play games.” His voice sounded cold and uncaring.
That sentence instantly made her defenses rise. The hairs on the back of her neck stood up as anger spread throughout her body. “Then don’t, Jackson.” She spoke his name with disdain.
“Why are you calling, Caroline? What do you want?”
The harshness of his questions infuriated her. “Nothing. My mistake. Sorry to have bothered you. Have a nice life.” She hung up and then hurled her phone at the bedroom wall. Thankful it didn’t break, she slowly got up to retrieve it.
Suddenly her phone started to blare Jackson’s ringtone and she considered briefly letting it go to voicemail just to make him suffer. But she couldn’t do it. She answered with only a breath before Jackson immediately asked, “Don’t you want to be with me?” His voice cracked with emotion.
She was quiet at first and knew he felt stupid when he quickly added, “Forget it. I shouldn’t have asked. I shouldn’t have called back.”
“No! Jackson, wait!” Caroline pleaded. “I do…want to be with you.”
“You do?” His voice sounded lighter…hopeful.
“Of course I do,” she stressed. “But it’s not that easy.”
“It is that easy, Caroline. You want something, then you do it. Why won’t you just do it?”
“Do what? Leave Clay and be with you? Is that what you want?”
“Of course that’s what I want. Isn’t that what you want?” His voice sounded desperate.
“What would people say?”
“Who gives a shit what people would say? You’re going to just stay in this relationship, marry this guy and have his kids, because you don’t want to deal with what people might say if you leave him?” Jackson spat, his tone rising.
Silence thundered between them before Jackson spoke again. “You’re not the person I thought you were.”
“What is that supposed to mean?” She choked the words out through her obvious shock.
“I just never pegged you for the kind of girl who lived her life to please everyone else. It’s pathetic, really.” He spoke the last sentence with as much disdain as he could muster up.
“That’s not fair.” She wasn’t going to sit there and let him talk to her like that. “It’s easy for you to sit there and judge me when you’re not the one who has to make the tough decisions.”
“God damn it, listen to me,” Jackson lashed out. “I want to be with you. I don’t want you to marry this guy, no matter how great he is. And if you wanted to marry him, you wouldn’t be having this conversation with me right now. Hell, we wouldn’t have done anything that we’ve done the last six months.”
“I know. It’s just…”
He cut her off. “Let me finish.”
She fell quiet as he continued. “I’m not sure I could live through you marrying someone else. I think about you all the time. And I think about us all the time. I want there to be an us, Caroline. We belong together. And if you’d stop worrying about what everyone else thought, you’d see that too.”
Caroline leaned her head into the bed and tried to muffle the sound of her heart breaking. “I don’t think I’m strong enough,” she admitted softly.
“Strong enough…for what?” his voice faltered.
She paused a moment before answering, “To leave Clay.”
The silence hung between them like thick smoke in a slow burning room, until Jackson choked out, “Caroline?”
“I’m here.” She spoke the words so faintly, he barely registered the response.
“I’m in love with you.”
It was the final blow. She broke down. “I just don’t want to hurt anyone. And leaving Clay would hurt so many people.”