“I’ll take my chances.” His eyes were hooded and drowsy with desire.
I looked around; there was no sign of anyone. “You first.”
He quickly kicked his boxers off and then stepped into the hot spring, watching me the whole time. I ditched my bra and panties and stepped onto a rock that we used like a stairstep into the water. He reached up, his hands on my hips to guide me. I lost all sense of shyness and just melted into his arms as I kissed his neck.
“I want to talk to you,” he said.
“Talk? Now? Okay.”
“What happened to Jake was a terrible accident. That’s not going to happen to me. You don’t have to constantly prove to yourself or God that it can’t happen again. Frankly, it scares me a little that you want to test your theory.”
I pulled away from him and looked him in the eye. “I’m not testing the theory.”
“I feel like we get close and then you pull away.”
“I’m scared, Nate.”
“What are you scared of?”
“Not being good enough.”
He jerked his head back and squinted. There was surprise but also recognition in his expression. He nodded and then pursed his lips the way he often did when he was thinking. I ran my fingers through his hair, spiking it up with the water and then I leaned in and kissed him very sweetly. I explored his mouth, jaw, and neck with my mouth while he held me tucked against his chest. We were silent as the sun set behind the hill. It seemed like nature was unrealistically quiet, almost so much that I nearly dozed off in Nate’s arms.
“I am, too,” he said finally.
“What?”
“Scared of not being good enough.”
I smiled. “Did we just have a heart-to-heart?”
He laughed.
“What’s so funny?”
“Heart-speak is particularly hilarious to a heart surgeon.”
“Why is that?”
“Well, you have to think about it, literally. Bleeding heart, aching heart, and heavy heart all mean different things to me.”
I smiled and stood up on the rock with my hand on my hip. “Eat your heart out?”
“Exactly!” He yanked on my arm and pulled me back down with a splash. “Come here, silly girl.”
Nate stayed with me that night in the cabin and I didn’t complain when he selfishly woke me up in the morning. “God, you look so beautiful,” he said as he bent over me to kiss my forehead. The shower was running and he was standing next to the bed in his boxers.
I was curled up on my side under the covers, naked. “Do you have to go soon?”
“Yes, after I shower. There are very sick people that need me.”
I squinted up at him and made a pouty face. “Okay.”
“Hmm,” he said, crossing his arms over his chest. He took a step back and cocked his head to the side.
“What is it?”
“You look a little flushed. Before I get to the other patients, maybe I should examine you.”
I batted my eyelashes at him. “Well, Dr. Meyers, I am feeling a little faint. What do you think it could be?” I opened the blankets, revealing myself.
He sat down on the bed and ran his hand down my side to my hip. The morning light cast a bluish hue in the room, almost making the window and curtains look like set pieces in an old-timey photograph.
Nate’s expression made me think he really was examining me. His eyes narrowed inquisitively. He ran his big, soft hand against my belly and up between my breasts before resting over my heart.
I waited, trying to gauge his expression. Finally, his eyes rose to meet mine. He smiled adoringly, kissed the tip of one nipple, then moved to my mouth. “I think I know exactly what you need.”
“What’s that?”
“I’ll show you, but we have to get into the shower first.” He stood quickly, picked me up, and carried me into the bathroom.
Inside the shower I dropped to my knees and demonstrated my own version of health care.
“Oh,” he said. “Okay.”
Afterward, I stood so Nate could take me in his arms. His chest was heaving in and out. All he managed to say through a heavy breath was “Jesus.”
I giggled at the irony. “Yep.”
Before heading to Nate’s that night, I went to the library and researched getting my GED. I also found myself looking into nursing schools. My curiosity surprised me.
Later in the week, I trailered Shine and Tequila to Nate’s house when he had a day off. We rode near the lake and laid out a blanket for a picnic in a grassy field near one lone oak tree. The sun was extremely bright but the temperature was cooler than it had been. The big, cloudless sky stretched on for miles. We lay on our backs, me in the crook of Nate’s arm, while we let the clean air invade our senses. It was so bright that we had to close our eyes to keep from being blinded.
“How was work yesterday?” I asked.
“Good. I gave a man a pacemaker. The rest of the day was uneventful. How were your lessons?”
“I stopped doing the lessons when Dancer died.” I sighed.
“Well, are you going to start them up when Shine’s ready?”
“Maybe. Or maybe I’ll go back to school and get my GED,” I said, tentatively.
He turned on his side to face me and rested his hand on my hip comfortably while propping his other hand under his head. There was an ease between us. I felt safe with Nate.
Squinting, one side of his handsome mouth turned up, he said, “I think that’s a great idea, baby.”