“Yes.” Somehow a couple of sentences made it feel right.
“Sleep, baby.”
In the morning I snuck out of bed and tiptoed into the bathroom to brush my teeth. I looked at Nate’s things. He was very organized and tidy. His toothbrush was in a metal rack. I grabbed it then opened the drawer below the sink, searching for the toothpaste. The moment I looked up, I felt hands on my bare hips. He watched me in the mirror as I sucked in a breath through my teeth. We were both completely naked in the bright light as he pressed up behind me.
“Looking for something?”
“T-toothpaste,” I answered.
He opened the drawer to the right and handed me the tube. I looked at him in the mirror curiously, hoping he would give me a private moment. Oh. I’ll give you a moment, his look said. When he turned I couldn’t help but stare at his perfect backside; the muscles in his back were angular, narrow, and strong. He turned back quickly, almost as if he had heard my thoughts. His hands were on my hips again. I stood bolt upright. He bent and kissed my shoulder then slid his hands up my sides to cup my breasts. Pulling me hard against his body, he spoke near my ear. “I can’t get enough of you.”
I held my breath, closed my eyes, and a moment later I felt his absence, he was gone, giving me the promised moment.
I found one of his T-shirts, slipped it over my head, and made my way to the kitchen, where he handed me a steaming cup of coffee.
“How do you feel?” he asked.
“Good.”
He took the coffee from my hands and set it down before he braced my hips and lifted me up onto the counter. He stood between my legs and smiled. “Good? That’s it?”
“I feel great.”
He ran his hands up my bare thighs to the bottom of the T-shirt. He inched it up ever so slowly, staring down at the space between my legs and grinning.
“For a doctor, you seem oddly mesmerized by my anatomy,” I said.
“You have no idea.” The shirt came up just enough to expose me to him. He looked up, still grinning, and arched his eyebrows.
We spent the rest of the morning in bed.
In the afternoon, I went with Nate into town to pick out some décor and furnishings for his house. He had modest tastes, which I appreciated. On our way back from town he seemed nervous about something. He tapped his thumb on the steering wheel and flicked a glance at me a few times.
“What is it?”
“Nothing.” He shook his head.
“Tell me.”
He pulled in front of my cabin, put the car in park, and turned toward me. “I wanted to see if you would stay with me again.”
“So much for taking it slow. Don’t you have to work tomorrow?”
“Yes, but I like you in my bed. You can follow me back.”
I looked up through the window of my cabin and felt nothing. There was nothing screaming in my ear to say no to him. The only hesitation I had was that I didn’t know if I was willing to give myself over to someone so fully and so quickly. Would I always just give in to the promise of life with a man because I couldn’t find happiness on my own?
When we’re young, we want so badly to connect with others that we end up reflecting them, losing ourselves in the process. Or at least I did with Jake. I love horses, I love the rodeo, but I loved the city, too. And before I met Jake, I did well in school. Being bilingual, I felt I had skills that were wasted because the moment Jake came into my life, his brightness muted all the color I had in me. His life became my life. All of his ideas became my ideas. Did I truly know if I wanted to go to college or not? I knew what Jake wanted for me, and that was it. I didn’t want that to happen again. I wanted to figure out who I was and who I wanted to become.
“Want to go for a ride instead?” I suggested.
He turned the truck engine off. “Okay.”
We saddled up Shine and Elite. Nate would have to ride Elite because Shine was still a bit skittish for his skills.
We rode out into the pasture. “You’re riding the horse that crushed Jake.”
“I know, Red told me,” he said. His calmness shocked me.
“You knew?”
“Were you trying to test me or yourself?” His demeanor was serious. As he began to trot Elite, he looked back at me. “Are you facing your fears by putting me in danger? Was that your plan?” He kicked her hard and off they went.
My heart raced. I sped up next to him and tried to reach over and grab the reins. “Oh no, missy!” He was smiling by that time. He jerked Elite to the right and took off in the other direction. We ended up at the top of the embankment near the hot spring. I watched Nate jump off the horse confidently and tie her to a tree.
I went as fast as I could to reach him but by the time I got Shine tied up, Nate was already halfway down the hill to the hot spring, leaving a trail of clothes in his wake. He disappeared behind a rock. I walked carefully down the brush-freckled hill until suddenly he popped out of a bush and grabbed me, pulling me back so that we were hidden behind a low-hanging tree branch. He was wearing his boxers and nothing else. I tugged my shirt over my head while he quickly unbuckled my jeans.
“We’re going to get poison oak in weird places,” I said, out of breath.
“It’s a good thing I’m a doctor.” He pulled me toward the hot spring. At the edge where the clear water met the rock, he swirled his index finger around, pointing at my bra and panties. “All of it. Take it all off.”
“What if someone comes up here?”