I looked from our hands up to her eyes as she examined the bruised knuckle. “Okay, splint it. I trust you.”
She nodded and then left, returning a moment later with medical tape and broken popsicle sticks. She held them up. “The hillbilly way.”
I laughed but then winced as she wrapped the tape around my knuckle.
“Sorry.”
“It’s okay, you’re doing great. You’re a natural.”
There were a few unbearable moments of silence after she finished the wrap. I felt that familiar pull toward her whenever I’d get close enough, like two magnets as they inched closer together. I ached to take her in my arms, but I was worried she’d pull away.
“Maybe, I can stay with you in the guest room. It’s almost dawn and I’m tired, but I want to talk to you,” she said.
“Of course.”
We moved from the bathroom to the guest room. Bea walked by and pushed the door open wide. “Have some manners, you two.”
We lay down on top of the comforter, me fully dressed and her in the fluffy robe. We faced each other on our sides. “Nate, I’m sorry about earlier.”
“All is forgiven. I’m sorry, too. Olivia, the woman you heard on the phone, is an old friend; there’s nothing between me and her. I wish I had the words at the moment to explain that to you, but I was so relieved to hear your voice that I could think of nothing else.”
“I want to start over. I want to learn how to be less of a wreck.” Her eyes filled with tears.
“You’re not a wreck. Don’t put so much pressure on yourself.”
She nodded, looking up to the ceiling. “Every time I think I’m over it, everything comes rushing back.”
“You don’t have to let it go.”
“I know, but it’s not letting go that scares me. Life is no longer precious when you have nothing to lose, and that’s the place I’ve been living all these years since Jake. I’ve been indifferent. But now I can feel the fear coming back. It comes back even stronger when you know there’s something to be lost again.”
It was her first real expression of her feelings for me. “I’ve never loved and lost, but I’m scared, too.”
She closed her eyes and within a few moments her breaths steadied. I wondered what it would be like to lose someone the way Ava had at such a young age.
The four-week roller coaster of my life was clicking back up the tracks. I was at that point when you reach the peak before falling and you think maybe you want off, that maybe they can stop it. But I don’t think you can stop once you start falling. At least I couldn’t, and I didn’t want to. It’s as exhilarating as it is terrifying to fall in love.
I pulled her into me, rested my chin on her head, and filled my lungs with her sweet scent.
In the morning, she was gone. I scurried past the kitchen, hoping Bea wouldn’t see me. “Slow down,” she hollered. “Get in here and eat something.”
She slopped a ladleful of grits onto a plate and handed it to me. “There’s Velveeta, or you can have corn flakes for your grits.”
I felt myself starting to gag. “How about some fruit. Can I have fruit?”
“Sure honey, check in the fruit bowl.”
I tried not to breathe through my nose as I slurped up the bland grits, occasionally chomping off a bite of apple for flavor. Caleb sat across from me eating his grits, which were swimming in Velveeta cheese. It really was a small miracle, with the amount of red meat and cheese these people ate, that they weren’t all wracked with heart disease. Their diets were so heavy in cholesterol that I couldn’t help but visualize the plaque buildup in their arteries each time they took a bite.
“Where’s Ava this morning?”
“She’s working that filly,” Bea answered. “Caleb got some barrels and set up a track for her in the field below.”
“That was nice of you, man.”
He nodded, not looking up from his bowl.
I left the kitchen and walked down the dirt road to the small arena where Ava was riding the gorgeous black filly. The horse’s movements were even more graceful than Dancer’s as Ava galloped her back and forth. I took a seat on the top slat of the wooden corral. When she spotted me she steered the horse over to where I was sitting.
“What’s her name?” I asked.
“I hadn’t named her until now, actually.” She was smiling, her hair was floating down her back, and her cheeks were pink from the cool air hitting her face.
“Well?”
“Shine.”
“It’s perfect for her . . . and for you.”
“Red told me you took a job in Missoula.”
“Yes.”
“That’s great. How’s your hand? Will you be able to do surgery?” Her eyebrows were pinched together in a worried expression.
“Don’t worry, I’ll be fine. I need to get to the hospital, though, and take care of some things. And I have a place now, not that far from here. I want to take you there but it’s not ready.”
“Okay.”
“I’ll call you this week then maybe . . .” I was suddenly very nervous. “Maybe I can take you out to dinner next weekend . . . on a date?”
“I would like that.” Her bottom lip quivered. “Nate?”
“Yeah.”
“Thank you for last night. I don’t know what I was thinking.” Her voice cracked and her eyes brimmed with tears.