“I have to get back out there.”
“I talked to the chief at the International Heart Institute in Missoula.”
I leaned against my desk and crossed my arms. “And?”
“I told him that you were a horrible surgeon and that they would be making a big mistake hiring you.” He held a white paper bag out to me. “Doughnut?”
“Dad.” I laughed. “You’ve got to stop with the doughnuts.”
“I’m kidding. It’s a veggie wrap your mom made for me. She put hummus and tofu in it. I don’t even know what tofu is.”
“I’m glad to see you’re changing your diet. You should stick with it. Mom knows what she’s talking about.”
He set the bag down and put his hands on his hips, his lab coat open around his wrists. “I’ve lost six pounds since the food Nazi took over.”
“She was really worried about you.”
He smiled and took a seat in one of the chairs facing my desk. I went around and sat down as well.
“Nate, I told the Chief at the Heart Institute that you were the best damn surgeon I’d come across and they better pay you well.”
“Thank you. You have no idea how much those words mean to me.”
He blinked. “I might have waited too long to say it.”
“Better late than never.”
“I love you, kid.”
“I love you too, Dad.”
“I want you to take the Ford out there.” Restored cars were my dad’s hobby. He didn’t actually restore them, he bought them restored and spent a great deal of money on them. His favorite was a two-toned red and white ’67 Ford pickup truck.
“I couldn’t, Dad.”
He clapped me on the shoulder. “It belongs in Montana.”
CHAPTER 13
Forever Is Only Now
Avelina
I remembered when Jake told me that forever is only now. I remembered the smoothness of his voice when he said it, as if he’d memorized it from the Bible. I sat on my porch swing, looking up at the sky, thinking that Jake was the brightest star up there, so far away but shining and powerful. He would shine like that for as long as I was living because when a sun as bright as Jake burns out, it takes a hundred years for its star to fade. Forever is only now; there’s no measure of time when it comes to love. I knew Jake would be up there in the sky for all of my life, and I promised myself that after I left this earth I would stand before God and say with pride that I loved Jacob Brian McCrea with all my heart and soul. But Jake wasn’t with me on earth anymore. When he pulled the trigger his forever ended, not mine.
That night, I had gone inside and called Nate. I had believed that I was finally ready to take my forever back. I’d even rehearsed what I was going to say. I know you’re not trying to fix me, but you’re the one who makes me better. But I hadn’t gotten a chance to say those words. He’d been with a woman, it’d been late, and he’d sounded put out. I wondered if he and the woman laughed at me when I hung up. I wondered how I could be so naïve.
Taking my dead husband’s advice turned out to be a bad idea. I went back outside, holding the whiskey bottle to the sky and screamed, “Fuck you, Jake McCrea! Fuck you!”
CHAPTER 14
Drops Between Us
Nathanial
On the road in my father’s Ford, I had plenty of time to think about how I had just left my world behind for a woman who likely didn’t want me. My parents were going to rent my condo out, and Gogo happily went to live with Frankie.
I stopped only twice: once to eat and buy food for the road and once to call Ava. She didn’t answer. I dialed Bea.
“Hello, darlin’. What a nice surprise.”
“How is Ava?”
“She’s okay, and I’m okay, too, thanks for asking.”
“I’m sorry, I’m glad you’re okay. Listen, I’m on the road headed out there. I quit the hospital.”
There was silence on the other end for several moments. “What kind of foolishness are you speaking?”
“You know I care about her. I can’t stop thinking about her and I want to be there for her.”
“What will you do?”
“I need to find a place in Missoula, I think I have a job lined up. I’ll be at the ranch by tomorrow.”
“I wish you’d told me ahead of time. We’re leavin’, Nate. All of us.”
I froze. “What?”
“We’re going to Bozeman for the rodeo. We’ll be there for two days.”
“You’re taking Ava?”
“Of course.”
“Is this the rodeo where she saw the guy that reminded her of . . . ,” my voice trailed off.
“That’s the one, but you don’t have to worry. Ava seemed to be pretty darn into you, and we’ll tell her you’ll be there when she gets back.”
“I don’t think you understand, I—”
“Head to Missoula and get your job straightened out. We’ll be back early Monday.”
“Bea, I need to see her. I haven’t slept in two days. Will you ask her to wait? I’ll drive her to Bozeman myself.”
I heard her let out a breath. “Why are we having this conversation? Ava has a phone, why don’t you call her?”
“She won’t take my calls.”
“Hmm? Why’s that?”
“I’ve tried calling her, she just won’t answer.”