“I’ll stay here with Dancer,” I said firmly.
They drove up the hill and returned shortly with a big tractor. We managed to get the horse into the front loader. “You’re gonna drive this thing back to the ranch, Nate, since this was your idea.”
“Okay,” I said with a curt nod. I had no idea what I was agreeing to. Dale took off ahead of us in Ava’s truck while my father followed me in Dale’s truck. The tractor would only go about twenty-five miles per hour. I essentially drove that thing with no headlights except for the light from my uncle’s truck behind me, in the freezing cold, pouring rain for fifteen miles down a country road with a dead horse in the front loader.
My uncle met us at the bottom of the driveway leading up to the ranch. “She’s okay,” he yelled over the loudness of the engine.
“Where is she?” I asked.
“She’s in her cabin. You can go up there after we get this horse in the ground. Get down, Nate, I need to dig the hole.”
I removed Dancer’s bridle and saddle while Dale used the backhoe to dig a twenty-foot grave. When he finished, he turned the tractor around and unceremoniously dropped the horse into the hole. Something painful struck me suddenly. I thought about Lizzy and her young body in the darkness below, the promise of a beautiful life ahead of her gone. Then I did something I’d never done in my life: I prayed. I’m not sure who I was praying to but that’s what I was doing as I watched the tractor dump bucket after bucket of mud on top of Dancer. I prayed that there was something more for Lizzy and Jake and the damn horse we were burying. But most of all I prayed there was something more for Ava while she was here on earth.
After my uncle was finished, I drove Ava’s truck up to the barn. Bea was waiting on the porch with towels.
“Look at you boys. What kind of foolishness are you three up to, burying a horse in this rain?”
I took the towel and began drying off. “Have you checked on Ava?”
“She’s okay. I took her some dinner. Get in here and get warm first.”
My uncle went off to his cabin while my father and I followed Bea inside of the main house. “Jeffrey, you go ahead and use the guest shower. Nate can use the shower in our bathroom.”
I followed her into the master bedroom at the back of the house and into the large bathroom. She reached behind the curtain and started the water for me. “I can do this, Bea.”
“You’re shaking like a sober drunk.” She began to yank on my jacket. “Let me help you out of these clothes. Don’t worry, I’m not lookin’.”
She helped get my shirt over my head then turned away, sat on the closed toilet, and sighed. I had no idea what she was doing. I stripped out of my jeans and quickly got behind the curtain into the shower.
“Feelin’ better, Nathanial?”
“Yes, I’m good, Bea,” I said, wondering when she was going to leave.
“Good. You gonna go see Ava after you’re cleaned up?”
“Yes.”
“Good. Because I’m tired, kid.”
“Yeah? Of what?” I asked, wondering where she was going with this.
“I’m tired of seeing her in pain. I don’t want to be insensitive, but I’ve been wondering when she’s gonna get over Jake. And now this. She loved that horse so much. Had her since she was a kid.”
I turned the water off, reached for a towel, and stepped out. “I know, Bea. It was like they were connected. I don’t know what I’m going to say to her.”
She looked up at me and then down to where the towel was wrapped around my waist.
“Maybe try something other than words.”
My eyes shot open. “Bea! What are you saying?”
Laughing, she said, “It’s lookin’ like the ranch is doing you some good.” I had put on a couple of pounds since I had been there. They had me working every minute of the day, so most of it was muscle. I chuckled as I made my way past her and down the hallway. I went to my room and dressed in jeans, Chucks, and a pullover sweater. By the time I made it to Ava’s cabin the rain had stopped and she was asleep on the porch swing, wrapped in a blanket, like I had found her before. I watched her take steady breaths. I was uncertain if I should wake her or just carry her inside, but I knew I couldn’t leave her out there. She looked angelic in the low light. The skin on her face was perfectly smooth and she looked peaceful, even though I knew that wasn’t possible.
CHAPTER 11
Whiskey Says Go
Avelina
I was startled awake when I felt myself being lifted from the porch swing. My eyes shot open to see Nate looking down at me. I was cradled in his arms as he made his way into my cabin. “Hi, beautiful,” he whispered. “How are you feeling?”
“Drunk and sad,” I murmured.
“I know. How much of that bottle did you drink?”
“Not enough, apparently, because I’m still conscious.” He shook his head as he moved through my living room and into the bedroom. He set me down to stand on my feet. “Thank you.”
I wobbled so he braced me and then gently pushed me to sit on the edge of the bed. I looked down at my tattered quilt to where a section of the stitching had come undone. I slid my hand over the spot to cover it so Nate wouldn’t see it but when I looked up he was wearing a pitying smile.
He shook his head. “Don’t be ashamed. You should see my apartment. I don’t even have curtains.”