“Nate, what have you decided?”
“I don’t know, Dad.”
“I think you do. You can tell me. I won’t stop you, no matter what. I’ll support you.”
I swallowed. “I need to see where it’s going with Ava.”
“I see. So you’ll move there for her?”
“No. I’ll move there for me.”
“You two couldn’t be more different.”
“And Mom and you? Aren’t you two different?” My mother was a hippie artist who had quietly renounced Western medicine long ago.
“Your mother and I are more similar than you think.”
“Maybe Ava and I are more similar than you think.”
“How so?”
“People don’t know her, Dad. She’s funny and smart. Why does what we do always have to define us?”
He huffed, staring straight out the front window. “You want to drive, Nate? I’m getting tired.”
“No, I want you to answer me.”
“You’re right, it’s not about what we do, it’s about how we love, how we treat other people and ourselves. You’re just singing a very different tune than when I sent you out here, so I’m a little surprised.”
“Isn’t that what you wanted?”
“Maybe I didn’t expect you’d want to stay.”
“There’s something about her. I feel like I breathe deeper around her. Everything seems a little brighter. That sounds lame, I know.”
“No, it doesn’t. And I’m sure it’s not just something.” He looked over at me and raised his eyebrows.
He was right. It was everything with Ava. Images of her riding Dancer filled my dreams, her hair floating on the wind. Her voice, her touch, her mouth, her thighs wrapped around me. I couldn’t stop thinking about her. I was like a lovesick puppy.
At least I was until I walked through the doors of the hospital days later.
The desk in my office was stacked high with charts. I had a hundred and twelve voicemails and over two hundred emails. I got to work immediately but could barely put a dent in it before it was time to meet with the hospital director, my father, and a group of lawyers. I wouldn’t say the board’s findings and the autopsy results were surprising—I knew I hadn’t damaged her heart. Lizzy had suffered a massive heart attack and cardiac arrest due to a heart defect she’d had since birth. The heart attack created a tear in her heart, which caused it to bleed. I wasn’t going to be charged with malpractice or negligence, but I couldn’t help but feel a more skilled doctor would’ve been able to find the bleeder and stabilize her.
Still, my father was relieved after our meeting. I went back to my office to chip away at my backlogged work. I checked my phone often, but still there was no call from Ava.
I wasn’t technically back on rotation at the hospital right away, but somehow I found myself ears-deep in work. I assisted on a textbook procedure to warm up, so to speak, and then I performed a bypass for another doctor, all within a couple of days. My chances of visiting the ranch soon were looking dismal.
Later in the week, I spotted a familiar face in the hallway outside of my office.
“Olivia Green! What in God’s name are you doing in this shit hole?” I held my arms out to her for a hug.
She smiled her same old condescending smile. “This is no Stanford, you’ve got that right. But you’re looking at UCLA’s newest cardiothoracic attending surgeon.”
“You’re kidding.”
Her hair was the same fiery red and braided over her shoulder, just as I remembered it. “I’m serious as a . . .”
“Ah ah.” I put my finger over her mouth. “Don’t say it. No heart jokes allowed. You haven’t changed a bit, except maybe you have a sense of humor now.”
“Thanks.” She socked me in the arm. “Well, Nate, you haven’t changed much either.”
“Let’s get a coffee?”
“I can’t. I’m about to go into a meeting with your dad. What about dinner? You still in the condo on Wilshire?”
“I am.”
“I knew it. Same old Nate. Eat, breathe, sleep surgery.”
“Yeah,” I said, hesitantly.
“Well, are we on for dinner?”
“Sure.”
“I’ll come by around six.”
“Sounds good. Congratulations, by the way. It’s good to see you.”
“Well, you’ll be seeing a lot more of me very soon.”
I didn’t reply as she walked away. Instead, I checked my phone. No messages. I need to call her, I thought. I wanted to give her some space, but at that point I was surprised I hadn’t heard from her. In the note I’d left, I’d asked her to call me when she woke up. But she hadn’t, and I was starting to wonder if she was trying to tell me something.
I made it back to my condo at ten to six and walked in on Frankie and Gogo cuddling on my couch, watching a new flatscreen TV I didn’t buy.
“What are you doing to my cat and why are you still here?”
Frankie looked up at me and squinted as I flipped on the lights. “When are you going back to Montana?”
“Soon as I can.” I had initially planned on going that weekend. “Olivia’s coming over.”
“Why?” He scowled.
“Dude, seriously, after all these years you still can’t stand her?”