“That’s makes no sense,” I tell her. I glance at Amanda expectantly. “Shall we go?”
She nods quickly as Ana chirps “Have a good time, sweet things!”
We hurry up to the car and get in. The moment her door closes, I lean in, running my hands through her hair, the thick, silky feel of her strands causing something inside me to loosen, like all the tension from earlier is finally being released.
She stares at me, her eyes searching mine in the dark, probably wondering what I’m doing.
“Is that lipstick kissproof?” I ask quietly, focused on her hot pink lips.
She gives a gentle shake of her head, her mouth parting slightly.
“Too bad.” I lean in closer, closing my eyes as I very gently press my lips to hers. She inhales sharply before she gives in, opening her mouth just so, just enough to gently tease the rim of her lips with my tongue.
At this point I’ve probably kissed Amanda a hundred different ways but this kiss is different. This kiss reveres her. In this kiss she should know she’s a goddess, a fantasy priestess, a ruler of my world.
I slowly pull my lips away and press my forehead against hers while she gives a small breathless gasp.
“What was that for?” she asks after a beat.
“For you,” I tell her before breaking apart.
I buckle up my seatbelt and start the engine, Mr. Mean roaring to life.
The party is located out at winery in Saanichton, so we have a half an hour drive ahead of us. She’s strangely silent for most of it, staring out the window at the darkened highway.
“Will it be good to see your friends?” I ask her lamely. It sounds like small talk and I hate that but the dynamics between us keep on changing and I can’t even keep up with my own feelings.
“Maybe,” she says, running her fingers absently down the windows. “Like I said, I haven’t seen Sarah in forever.”
“And the rest of them?”
“Well, actually I saw the rest of them the last time I saw her.”
“Which was…”
“New Year’s Eve.” Something in her voice catches.
A light goes off in my head. “You mean when you chundered on your ex during his marriage proposal?”
“That’s the night.”
I exhale loudly, gripping the steering wheel. “Wow. Okay. So tell me why we’re going to this again.”
She finally looks at me. “I told you. I just want to…show them I’m okay.”
“But, you turned him down. Doesn’t this situation usually call for the other way around? The jilted lover shows up with something to prove? I mean, maybe Alan will do just that.”
Her mouth pinches together.
“Oh,” I say, finally getting it. “He’s going to be there. Your ex-boyfriend.”
She nods, looking sheepish. “Yeah. I asked Sarah. He’ll be there. With his new girlfriend who is supposed to be a genetic scientist slash supermodel. Apparently they exist outside of sitcoms.”
“So you’re taking me to try and make your ex jealous?” I can’t seem to keep the annoyance out of my voice. The fact that she’s pretty much using me makes a hot and bitter coal burn in my chest.
“Kind of,” she says. “You don’t mind, do you?”
“The fact that you’re using me or the fact that you want your ex to care?” I pause while she doesn’t say anything. “Do you seriously want him back?”
Bloody hell, she better not say yes. My heart starts to spin in my chest.
“No,” she says quickly, shaking her head. “Not at all. I told you. I didn’t love him and breaking it off was the right thing. Believe it or not I’m a million times happier now.”
But do I have anything to do with that?
“I just want to show them all that I did okay, that’s all.” She sighs and starts examining her hands. “I was the nerd in high school.”
“You’re still a nerd, geek, dork, and a hundred other things that make you you,” I point out. “Own it.”
“I do. But I mean, people only liked me or put up with it in my final year because I was with Alan. I wasn’t bullied or anything like that, but I was never the one people wanted to hang out with.” She seems to think that over. “Maybe it’s because I never wanted to hang out with them.”
“You think?”
“Anyway, you wouldn’t understand.”
“Hey, peach, I get it. You want to prove that you’re still a catch or cool or whatever on your own and that it had nothing to do with that tosser. But these people…they don’t matter. Nothing that happened in high school matters. That was a different world, a different planet. It doesn’t matter who you ate lunch with back then or what your nicknames were. Like it or not, act like it or not, but you’re an adult now. You’re almost finished university. You’re living in a great place with an older roommate and getting all these life experiences you can’t buy. You’re being you and you’re doing your thing…and you happen to be a motherfucking bestselling author with a huge career in front of her, as well as one hell of a paycheck.”
I put my hand on top of hers and squeeze. “And you’ve got me.”
She rolls her eyes.
“No,” I tell her, my voice rough. She blinks at me in surprise. “I mean you really have me. If you’ll have me.”
She worries her lip between her teeth, staring at me with wild eyes. I don’t know what she’s thinking but I need her to say something, anything, because for the first time I’m putting my heart on the line here and I have absolutely no idea how she’s going to take it.