I see the three dots flashing. They disappear.
Then come back.
Then disappear.
“For fuck’s sake, write what you were going to say!” I scream at the phone, shaking it.
Finally: Blake told Georgia and Alan. He said you were really successful now and you wrote together. I just wanted to let you know it’s cool. I just bought both your books. I had no idea you were that slutty lol.
I stare at the screen, dumbfounded.
He told them.
He told our secret.
He’s going to ruin my life.
I text her back: Please don’t tell anyone. That was supposed to be a secret.
Again with the flashing dots.
Then: I’m sorry, I think everyone knows. It’s all over Facebook.
“WHAT?!” I scream out loud and instinctively toss my phone across the room.
I cover my face in my hands and rock back and forth on the couch, trying to breath.
It’s on Facebook.
My parents are on my Facebook.
Maybe there’s still time, I think to myself. Delete every tagged post!
I bring out the laptop and go on Facebook.
It’s everywhere.
Some posts are genuinely trying to be helpful “Hey I went to school with this girl and now she’s a successful author, check it out.” Others are mocking, “Dude, who knew Amanda Newland was such a pervert?” And some are just straight up posting on my page: “Is this true? Is this you?”
I immediately start untagging my name from the posts, praying my parents aren’t still friends with anyone from my high school but it’s too late.
My phone rings.
I don’t even have to look at it to know it’s my mother.
I shouldn’t answer. I should just ignore it and try and do as much damage control as possible. But what’s the point when all the people I was trying to hide this from already know?
The damage is done.
And I’m so fucked.
I answer it.
“Hello?” I ask innocently, pretending that my head isn’t on a chopping block.
I just hear heavy, ragged breathing, like one of Khaleesi’s dragons figured out how to make a phone call.
Then, “Guess what I found out today?” my mother says, her voice so icy, eerily calm, it chills me to the bone like only she can.
“The world is round after all? Dinosaurs are real?”
She ignores that. “I found out that my daughter is not at all the person I thought she was. I found out that she’s a cheap fraud, a charlatan. A hack.”
“You heard the news,” I say flatly.
“The news? What is wrong with you?” she screeches over the phone. “Do you realize you’re going to hell by writing this stuff?”
“I’ll probably see Aunt Sylvia there.”
“How dare you,” she says. “I haven’t told your father yet about your, your…hobby. But when I do, I don’t know. Amanda, I seriously don’t know what he’s going to do or say. He might cut you out of the will.”
I can barely form words. “Seriously?”
“Oh now you’re worried? You don’t give a damn about your parents until the money stops flowing is that it? Is that why you think you can write this trash?”
I groan loudly, pressing my fingers into my head. I can’t think.
“I don’t care about the will,” I cry out, feeling my defenses come down. “But why can’t you guys just be supportive without going to extremes. Why can’t you just accept me as me? That’s all I have ever wanted.”
“As a daughter who writes porn?” She makes a sound of disgust.
“It’s not just porn!” I yell, so sick of this argument. “I’m writing my fantasy just as I always have, the book you don’t even care about, but do you know what? Even if I only wrote erotica, I wouldn’t care what you have to say. I make people happy! Blake and I provide readers with fun and entertainment and an escape from their lives, which is a damn good thing because life is hard and really sucks sometimes. Life isn’t a fairy-tale and not everyone in gets a happily-ever-after, but in our book world they do. And believe it or not, it’s made me a better writer.” I pause, breathing hard. “I don’t want to be ashamed of it. I’m not. So take it or leave it.”
Silence.
I almost think she’s hung up.
Then I hear a faint sniff.
“You know,” she says venomously, “I had a hard time being proud of you before, for turning down Alan and your bright future with him and continuing on with your silly degree. But I tried. I did. But now, now it’s impossible. I don’t even want to tell people you’re my daughter anymore.”
I can’t handle it. I burst into tears and hang up the phone.
Then I collapse to my knees, trying to hold it all together.
Kind of seems impossible now.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
Blake
The cab to the vineyard seems to take forever, traffic clogging up the highway, and once I get to there the winery is busy with people.
It’s a gorgeous day though and I’ve got a gorgeous girl waiting back at my apartment.
My girl.
I start humming that tune as I stroll through the tasting room and end up buying a bottle of pinot gris and a bouquet of yellow flowers. She probably won’t want to drink the wine for a few days but the flowers should at least cheer her up.
As I head back to the car I look around, remembering how completely weird last night was. Amanda was absolutely bombed and while I was drunk too, I had to keep it together for her sake. She was open and vulnerable, surrounded by all the sharks of her past and I wasn’t about to let anyone take advantage of her in one way or another. She may act like she’s got a coating of armor around her but I know how deeply she feels things sometimes.