“What do you mean?”
“Why is the truck shut down?”
“It’s in transition.”
“Transition?”
“Yes. I sold it. Got a buyer unexpectedly.”
“You sold the truck? Why didn’t you tell me you were selling it?”
“I was going to tell you. I didn’t want to give you false hope until I signed on the dotted line. Today’s literally the first day it’s shut down. I wanted to make sure I had everything else in order before I told you.”
“Everything else in order? What do you mean?”
“I mean…I’m getting out of my apartment, and I have to get rid of the Range Rover.”
“What’s happening?”
“Isn’t it obvious? I’m moving to Michigan. But I didn’t tell you yet because it still might take a while to sell my car and close out all of my business here. But a buyer came about unexpectedly for the truck, so I had to take advantage of that while I could, since that was the biggest hurdle.”
It still hadn’t fully registered. “You’re…moving…here?”
“Did you really think I could stay out here much longer? Clearly you underestimate my need for you.”
Feeling all kinds of happy inside, I didn’t even know what to say. “I mean, of course, I hoped it would happen but—”
“How else are we gonna work on our relationship? I understand now that there’s no way you could ever move here, nor would I ever want you to now that I know about Lilith. There’s no choice. I don’t want to live without you, so I need to get off my ass and move.”
“I had no idea you were moving here so soon. In fact, I was afraid I was losing you. You’ve been a little distant lately.”
“I’m sorry if it seemed that way. I’ve been so busy trying to tie up loose ends here. And I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting. My therapist has really helped me to look at things from a different perspective. I can fill you in on the stuff I’ve learned when I get there. It’s too much to get into right now and over the phone.”
“I can’t wait to hear more about it.”
“I’ve told you this before, but I think you’d benefit from therapy, too. You can always talk to me—you know that—but it’s nice to have someone totally unbiased to help you work through shit.”
Going to formal therapy was something I’d always avoided.
“I’ll consider it. I promise.”
“I hope so.”
I changed the subject. “What will you do for work here?”
“Well, the money from the sale of the truck will help. I didn’t just sell the vehicle. It was the name and the business as a whole, the app, everything. That, along with the money from my Range Rover, is enough to keep us on our feet for a couple of years, at least.”
Us.
I’d never been part of an “us” before.
He continued, “I’ll have to figure out a way to start over. Maybe I’ll see if I can operate a truck out there, or maybe I can get a cook position somewhere. I don’t know exactly what’s going to happen in terms of work, but it’s honestly not the most important thing. I need to get out there first before I can even interview. I’ll get something. I don’t really give a fuck what it is as long as we’re together.”
His last line made me tear up.
He could hear my sniffles. “Why are you crying? This is supposed to be good news.”
“I’m just emotional over this and sad at the same time that you had to give up the truck. You worked so hard to grow that business. You’re giving up everything.”
“Don’t you know by now that you are everything?”
Still not feeling worthy of his love, I closed my eyes to cherish those words.
He continued, “I’ve been miserable here the last few weeks, Rana. The things that were important to me before you came into my life are no longer significant. I’d be a fool to let the truck stop me from being there to make love to my woman every night. Fuck the truck. I can open another truck. You’re irreplaceable. You’ve been handling a lot of major shit on your own. And I know now more than ever that you need me there.”
A month later, Landon was set to fly to Detroit in two days.
His bags were packed, and he was staying in a motel by the beach after vacating his apartment.
He called me sounding gutted.
“Landon, what’s wrong?”
“I just came back from the cemetery, visited Beverly for the last time. It was very emotional, knowing that I’m not gonna be nearby anymore. It kind of felt like I was deserting her.”
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay. I knew this would be hard.”
“It won’t be the last time. We’ll go back and visit her.”
“I know we will. I’m looking forward to our trips back out here, actually.”
“What can I do to make you feel better?”
“Tell me something funny.”
He was putting me on the spot, and I felt a tremendous responsibility to brighten his spirits, especially after what he just told me. Unfortunately, the story I was about to tell was all too true.
“So, I wanted to surprise you with something when you got here. I figured what better thing to take your mind off leaving California than a freshly bare girlfriend…so I went for a Brazilian bikini wax.”
“Are you shitting me? That’s amazingly hot. You’re bare right now?”
“Not exactly.”
“What happened?”
“The woman got called away for an emergency in the middle of my appointment, so it sort of looks like my hoo-ha has a Mohawk.”
My ear filled with the sound of Landon’s laughter.
Success.
“What the fuck?”
“It’s not pretty.”
“There’s nothing about that pussy that’s not pretty. Leave it. I want to see it. Then, I’ll shave the rest.”
“I’m getting my very own personal groomer, too?”
“Among other things. Sex slave, housekeeper, bodyguard. I’m gonna have the time for a while to be whatever you want, baby.”
“Are you at the beach right now?”
“Yeah.”
“I can hear the water. It makes me sad that you won’t be able to fall asleep anymore to the magnificent sounds of the ocean.”
“I’ll be listening to you breathe and smelling your hair. I think that’s pretty damn magnificent, if you ask me. Anyway, you still have the ocean sounds machine I got you, right? We can listen to that together.”
“I do.” I smiled. “I can’t wait for you to get here, Landon.”
“I’m coming home, Banana.”
SASSYPANTS
The morning after he arrived, Landon’s bags weren’t even unpacked when he suddenly put his coffee down and walked over to where I was standing by the sink.
“You said you’re going to see her today, right?”
“Lilith? Yes.”
“I want to meet her.”
Surprised by the sudden request, I said, “Like…today?”
“Yes. I need to see her. I want to go with you.”
I swallowed. “Okay.”
Later that day, my heart felt heavy as we drove to Lilith’s house in Landon’s father’s car. He’d borrowed it until he was able to go out and purchase a vehicle, which he planned to do later this week.
It was my normal day of the week to see Lilith, so the only thing out of the ordinary was that Landon was accompanying me.
His nerves were evident. It reminded me a lot of the ride we’d taken home from the restaurant in L.A., the night he confessed his sordid past to me. He was completely having a silent conversation with himself. Even though I wished he were talking about his feelings in that moment, I knew that he needed the quiet time to process his own thoughts and gear up to see my child for the first time.
As nervous as I was for him to meet Lilith, the pure relief I was feeling from having finally told him balanced everything out. It made me realize just how much my harboring that secret had been eating away at me.