“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I put you through that.” Holding her close, I stroked her hair and kissed the top of her head, not wanting to let her go.
“I’m so happy to see that you’re okay. Really, I am. But I’m not.” She pulled away from me as tears spilled down her beautiful cheeks, and I had never felt so small before now. “I’m not okay. I haven’t been since Friday, Dalton. Where have you been?”
Knowing that I was the cause of Cammie’s tears gutted me. I never wanted to hurt her, and seeing her like this was unsettling, to say the least. “Can we please talk?” I practically begged as she moved to walk down her hallway and into the living room. I peeked in her bedroom as we passed, noticing a body next to the space where Cammie’s covers had been pulled back.
“Is Kristy here?”
“Of course she’s here.”
Cammie was shaky as she sat on the couch, flipped on a light, and pulled her knees up to her chest, watching my every move. She grabbed a loose blanket and tucked it around her body as I moved to sit next to her, giving her some personal space, but not too much.
I reached out to her, moving some of the dampened hair that was stuck to her cheek and tucked it behind her ear, grateful that she let me touch her at all. “I’m so sorry for everything. I can’t tell you that enough.” She swallowed, her facial expression hard to read, so I dove right into my explanation, realizing that I’d royally screwed things up between us. “I’ve been in New York since Friday. I didn’t have my phone with me, and I didn’t have your number memorized.”
Her head tilted as she processed my words. “What? New York?”
I could see so many emotions racing through her eyes. I couldn’t even imagine what I’d put her through these past couple of days, but I hated myself for every minute I was away and couldn’t contact her.
“Friday morning I got a call from my informant that our perp was at the docks. My partner and I went there, but it was wrong. It all felt wrong. It was a setup, but we realized it too late.” A slight gasp escaped her perfect lips, but I continued. “It wasn’t a setup for us; it was a setup for my informant. He gave us information and when we showed up, it only confirmed that he was a rat. My partner and I raced to meet the head of the case, where our entire West Coast squad got loaded onto a plane and flown to New York without any notice. Two of our informants, mine included, were missing. They’re still missing, actually. The whole case was in jeopardy.”
I ran my fingers through my hair. “I didn’t have my phone because Tucker drove that morning. He’s my partner.” I paused, my head shaking as I bridled my annoyance. “He never drives. Ever. My personal cell was in my car, and I didn’t make it back there until tonight. I just landed and the battery was dead. I drove straight here.”
I waited for the relief to flood her eyes, but it never came. “You believe me, don’t you?” I asked, wondering if she thought I might be lying to her, something I’d never do.
Her sad eyes looked through me as she nodded halfheartedly. “I believe you.”
“Then what is it? I’ve missed you so much. I knew you had to be freaking out, and there was nothing I could do about it. I couldn’t call you. I didn’t know Kristy’s number, or your mom’s. I didn’t have any way to get a hold of you, and by the time we landed in New York, I was losing my fucking mind over it.” As I admitted all of this to her, I clenched and released my fists over and over again.
Cammie gave me a dejected look. “Same here. Except I pretty much thought you were dead and that no one would ever tell me because no one knew about me.” More tears spilled down her cheeks, each one gutting me more than the last. “There was a part of me that honestly thought I’d never see you again.”
Nothing made me feel smaller than the pain I caused this woman. I felt like less of a man for it, and wished more than anything that I could go back and change it. But I couldn’t.
“Please don’t cry. You’re breaking my heart.” I punched at my chest. “I came back as soon as I could. My whole squad’s still in the city. I flew home tonight because I couldn’t wait another day to see you, and I knew you’d be worried. I just didn’t realize how much. I’m such an idiot. I’m so fucking sorry.”
She sucked in a long breath and wiped at her cheeks with the back of her hand. “I had a panic attack on Friday when you didn’t show up to the restaurant.”
My jaw dropped slightly as she recounted what had happened that evening, her voice growing more despondent with each minute that passed. It tore me apart to hear what she’d gone through, even more so knowing it was all because of me.
“I’ve never had a panic attack before in my life,” she said. “I thought I was dying. I made Kristy take me to the hospital because I was convinced I was having a heart attack.”
I pressed my palms to my eyes and rubbed. Tired of telling her how sorry I was, I didn’t know what the hell else to say to fix this. And it needed to be fixed because she wasn’t okay; that much I knew.
Cammie looked up at me, her eyes huge and glistening with tears. “I can’t do this. I can’t go through this with you, Dalton.”
She can’t be saying what I think she’s saying. This is not happening.
“What do you mean exactly?” Everything seemed to stand still as I held my breath, waiting for what she would say next.