I swipe my finger across to read his text, and it's a photo of a penny laying amongst some dirt and leaves.
Tor: I found the penny I threw in the woods the other day.
Me: It hurt that you did that :(
Tor: I know. I'm sorry.
Me: It's okay. Put it back in the jar.
Tor: Some things we can't wish for. I need you to understand that.
Tears well in my eyes reading his words and I type a quick reply.
Me: I do understand. I just don't like it.
A few minutes go by and I focus on Chloe painting little flowers on my nails until my phone beeps again. Using my right hand, I swipe the screen to see his new text.
Tor: I never said I liked it either, Angel. I hate it.
I turn my phone over, so I can't see the screen anymore. If Chloe realizes I'm getting text messages that are upsetting me, she'll start asking questions, and there's no way I can tell her about this, as much as I wish I could. I'm just not ready to admit to anyone yet how I really feel about him.
His truck is in the driveway on Friday afternoon when I get to his house, and it causes a moment of panic for me. I wasn't expecting to see him today. Usually, I clean up his house, do his laundry, brush the dog, and prepare a dinner for him that's easy to heat up, and I leave.
I grab the two bags of groceries I just bought and walk down his brick walkway to the front door, hesitating before using my key to let myself in. I still don't feel right just walking into his house when I know he's inside. Instead, I ring the doorbell and wait.
"Come in!" He bellows.
When I step inside, I'm surprised to find him laying on the couch propped up on a bunch of pillows wearing gray sweatpants and a wrinkled white t-shirt, his hair all loose and messy like he just woke up. Diogee is sleeping on the floor next to the couch, but immediately lifts his head and wags his tail when he sees me.
"Hey...what are you doing home?" I ask, taking the bags into the adjoining kitchen and putting them on the counter. I pull out my phone and send a quick text to my dad to let him know I'm safe and sound.
"I hurt my fucking back again at the shop yesterday."
"Oh no, again? Did you take your pills?" He's had problems with his back ever since his truck was rear-ended while he was at a traffic light years ago.
He nods. "A bunch of them already. Why the hell do you keep knocking? You have a key." His tone is edgy from the pain as he turns to reorganize his pillows behind him.
I empty the grocery bags onto the kitchen table and start putting things away. "I feel weird just walking into your house when you're home. It feels rude and invasive."
"Kenzi, you can come in any time. I'd never have someone over here in the middle of the day if that's what you're worried about. I have a job, remember? And I don't walk around naked. So just come in."
"Okay," I admit I'm happy to hear he doesn't have women here during the day, but then, of course, I wonder if he has anyone over at night. I don't want to think about it.
"I was going to make you a beef and broccoli stir-fry for dinner. Do you feel alright to eat?"
"That sounds great, actually. All I've had to eat today is a Valium, Vicodin, and orange juice cocktail so real food would be good."
After I put the groceries away, I cross the room and sit on top of the coffee table in front of the couch to talk to him. His eyes are glazed from the high of the pills, making them look like glassy onyx gems.
"Tor, you can't take pills on an empty stomach like that."
"You sound like my mother," he scowls.
Diogee sits up and lays his head on my leg, peeking up at me with his big black eyes.
"Hi, puppy. Did you miss me?" I lean down and kiss the top of his head.
"He's an attention monger. He's constantly nudging my hands to get petted or laying his head on me like he just did to you with that face."
Laughing, I rub the dog's ears. "I think he's good company for you."
"Yeah, I guess he is. He sleeps with me every night and at least he's still here in the morning."
I try to ignore that comment that hints at more info than I care to know right now.
"Can I get you anything?" I ask. "The heating pad? Or maybe an ice pack? What helps with the pain?"
He shakes his head. "None of that shit helps."
"Okay. I'll just vacuum and do your laundry, and then straighten things up a bit."
"Skip the vacuum. The noise will make my head explode."
"Alright. What else can I do to help? Maybe you should take a hot bath or shower?"
Squinting, he falls back against the pillow, grimacing in pain. "I don't fucking know. I'm sorry, Angel. I'm in a ton of pain. I can't even think straight. Just pet the dog and make dinner. You don't have to do anything else."
Seeing him in so much pain and the cranky mood it's put him in bothers me and makes me want to do something - anything - to make him feel better. When I was younger, I used to rub his back and even walk on his back sometimes when it was hurting him, with my mom yelling that there was no way that could be safe for a back injury, but he said it felt good. Giving him a back massage would probably be really inappropriate after what's been changing between us recently, though, so I nix that idea.
He opens his eyes and grins when he catches me looking at him.
"You still look at me the same way you did when you were a baby," he murmurs.
"How's that?"
"Like I'm just the only thing you ever want to look at."
Not breaking eye contact, I smile at the truth in his words.
"Maybe you are."
His eyes close and he takes a deep breath as if he's inhaling my words and needs them to take his next breath. When he opens his eyes he reaches out to rest his hand on the side of my neck, his thumb slowly brushing back and forth over my cheek. My heart jumps at his touch, and I freeze, not moving, not wanting to do anything to interrupt the moment.
"And when you were little you used to come running to me when I walked into the room, and you'd hug me like I was your favorite person in the world. You have no idea how that felt," he swallows hard. "To feel so unconditionally adored."
I remember that feeling of giddy excitement every time my Uncle Tor came in the room and although my excitement of seeing him hasn't diminished, it's totally different nowadays.
"You made me feel the same way," I admit. "And I still feel that way, Tor. But now, I think I want to do a lot more than just hug you."
His hand grips my neck tighter, and I lick my lips nervously. "And I think I want you to do a lot more than just pick me up and swing me around and make me laugh."
I nearly forget how to breathe when he presses his thumb to my lips. "Don't say things like that, Kenzi," he whispers, his eyes flashing even darker. "You don't know who you're playing with."
Without even thinking, my tongue peeks out to run across his finger, and his eyes widen, riveted to my lips as I taste him. "I'm not playing. And I know exactly who you are." I don’t want to hide my feelings anymore so I embrace this moment of new bravery.
"Oh, yeah?" his voice is low and sexy, and it does indescribable things to my insides. "Who am I?"
"Did you forget?" I ask playfully, leaning a little closer to him, his hand on my neck pulling me forward, gently coaxing me even closer. "You're the man I'm going to marry someday."
"Fuck," he exhales the word and pulls my lips down to his, and our second collision is just as amazing as the first—slow, tantalizing and consuming. His mouth covers mine, his tongue delving deep as his free hand grips my waist, pulling me off the coffee table and onto the couch with him. His hand slides from my hip to the back of my thigh, pulling me until my chest is flush against his, my legs straddling him. An unexpected whimper escapes me as my body settles perfectly against him and his massive hard-on presses between my thighs, causing my entire body to quiver with electric pulses. Wow. Groaning, he grips the back of my neck tighter, his fingers in my hair, and kisses me deeper, his lips smoldering on mine. My body instinctively seeks his out, my thighs spreading wider over him, wanting to feel more of him. Needing to feel more. Ripples of longing I've never felt before tremor through my body as I slowly move against him, unsure of what I'm doing but loving the feeling of him growing even harder beneath his sweat pants. His hand moves from the back of my thigh to the small of my back, holding me firm against him, and I like how possessive it feels. A little voice inside me tries to tell me my first experience grinding against a man's body should be with any one of the millions of single men on the planet and not with Tor, but I ignore the warning. She doesn't know what the hell she's talking about. I may be seventeen, but I can feel without a shadow of a doubt our bodies and hearts were made to be together, like scattered puzzle pieces needing to be put back together.
Suddenly he pulls away and exhales with a hiss. "Shit. Fuck!" he swears, causing the dog to jump up. Pushing me off him, I fall back onto the end of the couch as he sits up, swinging his legs off the couch and planting his bare feet on the floor.
"Kenzi, I'm sorry. I'm so fucking high on pills right now," he says, running his hands through his hair. "You need to leave. Now."
"Wh - what? Why?" I'm still lost in the euphoria of his kiss, of feeling him so hard against me, my mind cloudy and humming, still wanting more of whatever just happened. I want a total head-on collision.
"Please. Go." He points to the door like I'm some kind of squatter who wandered into his house.
"Tor..." I touch his arm, but he yanks away from me.
"Kenzi, you have to go. I mean it. I can't be around you when I'm high as a fucking kite. I don't know what the hell you're doing to me."
I stand on wobbly legs, completely engulfed in confusion. "I'm sorry..." I stammer. "What about dinner?"