"I'm fine, Angel."
As he checks over the dog, I notice blood on his hand and grab it, turning it over in my own. The flesh of his palm is all tore up with road rash from when he jumped for the dog.
"You're bleeding," my voice cracks as I choke back new tears and dab at his hand with the sleeve of my sweatshirt.
His hand closes over mine, on top of the big furry dog's back, and his gaze drifts from our joined hands, up to my face. For the first time I don't recognize the deep, dark eyes staring back into mine, but I fall right into them willingly as our lips meet. My eyes flutter closed as I tumble further into him, but he quickly jerks away, and we simultaneously suck in a startled breath, staring at each other with wide-eyed shock.
Dropping my hand, he grabs the back of my neck, yanking my mouth back to his hungrily, and I clutch his arm to keep from falling backward onto my ass. His lips are warm and demanding, his tongue pushing past my teeth, coaxing my mouth open. My heartbeats turn into soaring butterflies. Nothing has ever felt like this. He steals my breath, making me dizzy as his mouth claims mine, his fingers tightening at the back of my neck. I tilt my head slightly to deepen the kiss, and a low, guttural growl sounds in his throat, turning my sweet butterflies into fireflies and sparking heat from my tummy to my thighs. He pulls away slightly, stares into my eyes with a lusty gaze, then comes back for more, his kiss much softer now, his hand moving from my neck to gently touch my damp cheek. My body and heart reel from his sudden shift from fierce demand in one moment, to soft and loving the next.
The scared dog moves between us, breaking the spell. Tor lets go, pulling away from me, his eyes darker, wilder, and avoiding mine.
Oh shit.
Oh shit.
He clears his throat and grabs the dog’s leash again before he stands.
"Let's get him in the back of the truck and to the emergency vet. I'm pretty sure his leg is broken." Fake normalcy courses through his words, trying to erase the last ten seconds, but the shaking of his hand as he holds the leash totally betrays his efforts.
Dazed, I quietly help him maneuver the large dog into the back seat, who's calmer now, tail wagging slightly as we talk softly to him and wipe him down with the old towel. He looks like a polar bear with his thick white fur and jet black eyes and nose.
We're both soaking wet as we climb into the front seat, and I'm still trembling from head to toe from the anxiety of watching Tor try to cross that busy highway coupled with what just happened between us.
Did that really happen?
That couldn't have happened. I must have blacked out or had a psychotic episode.
Nervously, I peek over at him, but his eyes are glued to the road as he pulls out onto the busy highway. I gulp some air and shove my hands into the front pocket of my hoodie.
"Tor...?" I whisper.
He shakes his head back and forth, fast, as if he's trying to deny hearing my voice, then takes a few deep breaths, like he's about to be sick or pass out.
"Check the dog," he says softly. "Please."
I climb over the front seat and settle myself in the back next to the dog, who immediately lays his head on my lap and whimpers when he tries to move his body closer to me. If not so wet and dirty, he would be a beautiful animal and I hope he's not hurt too badly inside. Even though he's scared and in pain, he's friendly, soaking up the attention I'm lavishing on him. He's most likely someone's lost family dog; he's way too pretty and sweet to be a stray. I pet him softly and tell him how brave he is and how he's going to be okay, and his tail thumps a few times while he licks my hand. When I look up, I catch Tor watching me in the rearview mirror. My heart immediately starts to beat faster in response, my lips tingling at the memory of his on mine. I'm disappointed when he quickly averts his eyes from mine and back to the road.
He kissed me.
Tor kissed me.
I keep chanting it over and over in my head, weighing the reality of it, as half of me believes it was a hallucination and the other half believes it was indeed, very real.
After we take the dog to the animal hospital and wait for him to be admitted, Tor drives me home. Wordlessly. It's clear he's uncomfortable, and I'm confused, unsure what to do or say. Shouldn't we talk about what happened?
What did happen?
"Tor...should we...talk, maybe?" I ask tentatively.
His body goes rigid, his jaw clenches, and several incredibly long moments drag on before he finally speaks.
"I'm sorry."
Sorry? Those words could mean anything, and everything - but I haven't a clue what he wants them to mean.
I start to speak, but he puts his hand up, stopping me. "Please, Kenzi. I can't."
The torturous tone of his voice shreds my insides, rendering me utterly speechless and even more confused. I've never seen him like this before. All I want to do is reach out to him, make him talk to me like we always do, but he's making it very clear that he can't. Or won't. He's put a wall up, and I don't know if I'm supposed to knock it down or let it stay there. Some walls need to be taken down, to get to a resolution. But other walls...those walls have to stay up to protect us.
I jump out of his truck without so much as a goodbye when he drops me off at home, I go straight up to my room, grateful that my father isn't home yet because I don't want to see or talk to anyone right now. I need to be alone with my feelings and try to calm my racing thoughts and shaking insides.
Everything's suddenly been turned upside down.
He kissed me.
A real kiss, with passion and desire.
He growled at me.
A feral, lusty sound that I can still hear. And I want more.
A lot more.
10
Tor
Kenzi ~ age thirteen
Toren ~ age twenty-eight
It's a beautiful, warm spring day as I ride my bicycle to his house. My basket is filled with milk, bread, some cans of soup, orange juice, and chocolate chip cookies because they're his favorite.
I frown with worry when I see his truck in the driveway because it's Wednesday afternoon and he should be at the shop working. Letting myself into his house with my key, I empty the shopping bag onto the counter and throw out the old food in his fridge before I put the new groceries in that I picked up for him.
"Uncle Tor?" I call down the hall. "I'm here. It's my cleaning day."
He doesn't answer, and a quick check out the door to his back yard, and his bedroom turns up empty, but his bathroom door is partly closed.
"Tor?" I hesitate before I push the door further open, and it hits his body that's sprawled out on the bathroom floor. My heart slams into my throat as I kneel down next to him on the tile. Relief washes over me when I see his chest moving up and down. He's not dead.
"Tor!" I shake him harder than I should and he mumbles and grumbles at me. The stench of alcohol coming off him is overpowering.
"You're drunk," I observe, disgusted. "Get off the floor. You're lying in your own puke."
I want to be sick myself seeing him this way, wasted on the floor. This is not the man I grew up adoring.
He grabs onto my leg. "You're such a good kid, Kenzi," he slurs.
"You're a mess."
He rolls over away from me. "I'll never be good enough."
Grabbing his arm, I try to tug him up, but he's way too heavy for me. "I don't know what you're babbling about, but you're getting off this floor and taking a shower. Now."
I manage to heave him up into a sitting position and he slumps against the wall, trying to focus on me. His eyes are bloodshot, his hair a mess, and he's gone at least a week without shaving.
"You're the only one who really loves me, Angel," he says sadly.
Turning the shower head on, I pull the curtain closed so the floor doesn't get drenched.
"That's not true at all. Get your ass in that shower and then into bed so I can clean this mess you made. If I catch you like this again, I'm telling my father. We're not going to let you do this to yourself."
Tor
She hauled ass out of my truck like a cyclone and slammed the door so hard behind her I'm surprised the airbag didn't blow.
Fuck.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
I fucked up huge.
I've fucked up a lot in my life. And that, my friends, was the biggest fuckup ever.
I've been sitting on my couch for over an hour, in complete darkness and silence, volleying between wanting to get drunk off my ass on some hardcore liquor, calling up Sydni or Lisa and fucking the shit out of them to make myself forget what I just did, or puking my guts out. But what I really want to do is call her and hear her voice. Or better yet, see her again. After what happened, I have an intense need to know if I've affected her. Will her voice sound shaky and nervous or will it have that new wistfulness I've caught glimpses of in the past few weeks? Is she hiding in her room like I am, ashamed and confused? Or is she laying on her bed wearing one of my many shirts, with rainbow fuzzy socks on her feet, a faint smile on her lips, thinking about me? Possibly wanting me?
Fuck me. I want to kiss her again.
Kenzi.
My niece-by-association. My best friend’s daughter. My little partner in crime for the past seventeen years.
I kissed her like a fucking deranged animal and she let me. In fact, it felt an awful lot like she enjoyed it.
She welcomed it.
I lean my head into my hands and push my fingers into my skull.
No, asshole. She didn't want it. She couldn't want it. You scared the shit out of her. She's just a kid.
It was an accident, conjured up from the emotions of the situation. She was scared after watching me running through traffic and I was high on adrenaline and it all created some wacked out reaction between us. That's all it was.
Nothing else.
Nothing. Else.
Standing, I pace the dark room like a caged bear. What if she tells Asher? He'll fucking kill me. And if he does? I deserve it. I'll let him kill me. I won't even fight back.
She won't tell him, though. She would talk to me first. Which she tried to do, and I wouldn't let her. I couldn't. Because I'm a douche, just like Sydni and Lisa told me I was. I don't communicate. And here's a big fucking reminder of how true that is staring me right in the face.