I swallowed down the bile that threatened to shoot up my throat.
“Yes, I’m really goin’ to walk away from Ryder.” I admitted. “I have no choice, Bee… he has left me no choice.”
“I don’t understand.”
“Join the club,” I mumbled.
“Bran,” my sister pressed.
I sighed. “Okay, I’ll start with Dominic. You know the way he announced on the day Keela and Alec moved into their house that he was back fightin’, and this time he would be fightin’ for Brandon Daley?”
“I’ll never forget it,” my sister grumbled.
I felt sorry for her. I knew it killed her that Dominic turned back to fighting, but he kept his promise to her. It wasn’t like his old life; he just fought in a circle and got paid.
“And do you remember how he announced his money—your money—was dried up?”
Bronagh nodded.
“Well, he wasn’t the only brother who suddenly lost his money. Alec and Ryder did, too, with some sort of investment with Brandon Daley. They should have known better since he is the only sleaze ball that they’re friendly with.”
My sister stared at me. “I asked Dominic last year about where the money went and he said he made a very bad investment.”
“Do you know what kind of investment?” I quizzed.
“I’ve no idea. He apologised to me, and swore his fightin’ at Darkness was to earn quick money to get us comfortable again. It’s been a year since he started back fightin’ and recently I told him I’d get a job to help out, but he doesn’t want me to work, he wants me at home with the baby when she is born.”
I stared at my sister as she spoke.
“I didn’t want to fight with ‘im about it, you know?” she continued. “I’ve done me anger management classes, and I’ve matured so much mentally that I didn’t want to start somethin’ out of nothin’ while we’re at such a good place in our relationship. As far as I’m concerned, the money Dominic had was blood money, and I was glad it was gone so I didn’t question where it went. I just accepted it and moved on.”
I nodded in understanding.
“Now I’m wonderin’ though,” she frowned.
I cringed. “I’m sorry, I should have kept me mouth shut to Damien.”
“No,” Bronagh stated. “You’re right. We should know where their—our—money went, we are their fianceés after all, and what’s theirs is ours, right?”
I humourlessly laughed. “After tonight, I’ll just be an ex.”
My sister tilted her head. “Tell me what’s goin’ on between you and Ryder, sis.”
“I don’t know what’s goin’ on with us, Bee, that’s the problem. I don’t know anythin’.”
Bronagh blinked, so I sighed and told her the same shortened version of my relationship’s downhill spiral that I gave to Damien. By the time I was finished speaking, she was crying and I wanted to thump myself.
“Bee,” I crooned. “Don’t cry, sweetie. It’ll all be okay, I promise.”
“It won’t,” she sniffled. “Our family is goin’ to be divided.”
I couldn’t say anything to make her feel better because she was right, once Ryder and I broke up, our family would be divided. Forever. I would make damn sure that it was an easy transition for her, though.
“It will be okay,” I repeated, firmer. “Trust me, I’ll never let me life affect yours. I’ll work it out with Ryder so things are as normal as possible for you.”
Bronagh wiped her tears away and said, “Stop that.”
“Stop what?” I asked.
She didn’t answer me instead she said, “How can you live like this?”
“Like what?”
“You brush everythin’ about yourself under the carpet. Why?”
I looked down to my hands. “I don’t know. I just do it.”
“Well, stop, you can’t continue livin’ like this.”
“Existin’.” I absentmindedly murmured.
“What?”
“I’m existin’, not livin’, there’s a difference between the two.”
My sister went still. “You don’t feel like you’re livin’?”
“Bronagh, I barely feel like I’m existin’,” I admitted. “I’m here, but I’m not at the same time. I just don’t care anymore.”
“I think you’re depressed, Branna.”
“I think it’s worse than that,” I frowned. “You have to feel somethin’ to be depressed, right? I don’t feel anythin’ anymore.”
Tears gathered in my sister’s eyes. “Bran.”
I smiled and patted her hand. “I’ll be fine, don’t you worry.”
“Stop that,” Bronagh cried. “Stop puttin’ yourself at the bottom on the list of priorities, you’ve done it all me life and I’m sick of it. Your mental health matters. You fuckin’ matter!”
I reared back as if she slapped me.
“I can’t just turn off me instincts to protect you, Bronagh,” I said defensively.
She cried harder. “I know you can’t, but I’m not askin’ you to stop protectin’ me, I’m just askin’ you not to not put me before yourself!”