“Branna,” he said, firmly. “Trust. Me.”
Exhaustion hit me at that point.
“I can’t do this, Ryder. You’re killin’ me.”
“Just listen to me, carefully,” he said as he stepped closer to me, pressing his chest against mine, reintroducing me to the sensation of what it felt like for my body to be moulded against his. “I love you. I know things are up in the air with us right now, and that I haven’t shown jack shit over the last year that would make you believe me when I say it, but I do love you. I’ve never said those words to any other woman in my life. Remember that, and remember that in forty-eight hours we’re going to hash all of this out.”
Slowly, I nodded, because I wanted him to just stop talking.
“I know you love me, or the man who I fell in love with loves me, but I just don’t know if that’s enough anymore, Ry.”
“It will always be enough, and I’m going to prove that to you.”
I wanted to believe him, God knew how much, but I couldn’t let myself hope for us anymore. The heartache that I felt when things fell apart was too great.
I somehow stood strong.
“We’re over, Ryder.”
“No, Branna, we aren’t. I told you five years ago that we’d never be over, and I fuckin’ meant it. You’re my world, and I refuse to watch it, you, crumble around me. Just. Fucking. No. I’m going to fix this, I swear it.”
He turned and without another word, stalked out of the house. When I heard the front door slam shut, I dropped to my knees and let out the sob that desperately wanted to break free. I wrapped my arms around my waist, hugging myself as I rocked back and forth.
I did it, I meekly thought. I broke up with Ryder, but he refused to let me go.
A huge part of me clung onto that as a sign that something might be salvageable between us, but fear shut out that ray of light with overwhelming darkness. I couldn’t allow myself to grasp at straws like that. I couldn’t allow myself to think of what happened as anything other than a break up because if I let my mind stray, I would think of scenarios where things could end differently, and that frightened me. I was terrified that if I let Ryder back in and he closed me out again then I would cease to function altogether.
I was afraid he’d ruin me all over again.
Five years ago…
“Dominic and Bee, they’re either datin’ or they’re about to be datin’.”
Ryder’s foot slipped from the clutch of his car, and the gearbox made an unholy sound that caused me to cringe. He quickly shifted gears until the car was purring nicely once more.
“You want to explain that to me?” he asked, flicking his eyes from the road to me then back to the road. “‘Cause we’re on the way to the hospital to see your sister who got injured while beating on my brother because he was beating on her date.”
I didn’t need a reminder; I had just gotten off a phone call to Aideen explaining to her that I would take care of Dominic for jumping Gavin—her little brother. She had to call off her other brothers from finding Dominic and beating the shite out of him. I had to convince her not to end his life, too. The latter was proven the most difficult, but I managed to persuade her that I would make him pay, and I would. Somehow.
“You heard Kane’s twenty-second recap of what happened when he called me after Bronagh called you,” Ryder continued, regaining my attention, “so how did you come to the conclusion that they’re dating or almost dating?”
Do all men have such small brains? I wondered. Or is my man just lucky?
“I’m not disputin’ that Bee likes Gavin Collins, because if they got the chance, I’m sure they’d actually be great together. I’d love to see her date the brother of me best friend.”
“I’m sensing a very big but here,” Ryder sighed.
“But,” I grinned, “even though she went on a date with Gavin tonight, she likes Dominic even though he has been the king of all arseholes from the moment they met. Goin’ on a date with Gavin is her way of tryin’ to force Dominic out of her mind, but it’ll take more than that. Somethin’ about the lad draws her to ‘im, just like somethin’ about her draws ‘im to ‘er. You understand?”
“No, not at all.” Ryder exhaled. “You say the word ‘him’ and ‘her’ so messed up, do you know that? The letter H is just completely disregarded.”
I folded my arms across my chest. “Now is not the time for the pronunciation game, what are we goin’ to do about our siblin’s?”
“Pray they don’t get arrested?”
I growled. “Be serious.”
“I am,” Ryder stressed. “Dominic is on very fucking thin ice, he could have been arrested for fighting with Gavin in school, but he got away with it. He could have gotten arrested when he fought that Jason kid too, or McDonald’s security could have retained him until the cops arrived tonight. He’s messing up and all because he doesn’t know how to handle your sister.”
I scrubbed my face with my hands.
“Can you not talk to ‘im about it?” I asked. “Maybe give ‘im some pointers on how to approach me sister? He still has the compound mentality that when he says jump, women will ask how high? That doesn’t fly here, that’s the backlash he is gettin’ for tryin’ to be bossy and intimidatin’ with Bee.”