“That’s an easy way out, isn’t it? Blaming a lack of inspiration.”
Her eyes snapped back to mine. “What do you mean?”
“You have plenty of beautifully-inspired pieces already. Why not submit one of those?”
“Because it has to be perfect,” she said. “You don’t understand.”
“Actually, I understand perfectly. You don’t think you’re good enough.”
She opened her mouth and closed it again, struggling with a defense.
“But you are, Claire.”
“What if they don’t think that?” She shook her head. “It doesn’t matter what I think or what you think. They might tell me I’m no good. And it will crush me.”
“So what? You can’t let that scare you into never taking a chance. I get that it’s not easy for you to put yourself out there that way. You’re not guaranteed the happy ending. But Claire.” I stopped moving and forced her to look at me. “I know how it ends.”
“You do?” Her eyes were wide and trusting, like she really believed I might be able to tell the future.
“Yes. Everyone dies.”
She rolled her eyes. “I can’t believe I fell for that.”
I gave her a sheepish grin. “Sorry, couldn’t resist. But it’s true, Claire. Life is short. Do you really want to live yours this way? Never taking a risk? Never testing your limits?”
“No,” she admitted. “But I don’t know how to make myself do it. I don’t know how to be different than I am. Even though sometimes I really, really wish I was.”
“Believe me, I get that.” Fuck yes, I got that. “But you don’t have to be anyone else. You just have to stop staring over the edge and jump.”
She looked up at me with huge eyes that said I want to trust you. “You make it sound easy.”
“It could be. You just have to want it badly enough.”
She lifted her chin slightly. “I do. I do want it.”
Neither of us moved. Suddenly it felt like we were talking about something other than art. Oh, fuck. Her lips are so close to mine. I could kiss her right here, right now. Just once. No one would even question it. And I want to—I really fucking want to. Just to know what it feels like.
Her lips fell open and she rose on tiptoe. Cursing myself, I stepped back. “Hey, give me a minute, OK? I need to use the bathroom real quick.”
She blinked at me in surprise. “Oh. Of course. I’ll meet you back at the table.”
I left her standing there and took off for the lobby, but instead of going into the men’s room, I went outside, hoping the cold air would clear my head.
What the fuck was I thinking? I couldn’t kiss her. Not here, and not ever! Not only would it break the contract, it would confuse her. Claire wasn’t the kind of girl who messed around. She didn’t just give her kisses away—it would mean something to her. I would mean something to her.
And she might mean something to me.
I couldn’t let that happen.
Ten
Claire
* * *
Whoa. Whoa.
I’d almost kissed him. My rent-a-date.
I touched a hand to my stomach and caught my breath. My pulse was thundering in my ears. Had I lost my mind? He didn’t want to kiss me—this was all just a show! And I’d been enjoying it way too much. The private smiles we’d exchanged, the sweet things he’d said about me, the arm around the back of my chair, the kiss on the cheek. I was starstruck by him, a little girl with a crush on her favorite actor. How embarrassing that I’d puckered up like that!
And how maddeningly unfair that the first guy I’d felt a spark with in years was only spending time with me because I was paying him.
Suddenly I realized I was standing there alone on the dance floor like a statue, and I quickly headed for the lobby bathroom. Through the glass entry doors, I saw Theo standing outside near the valet stand, and for a moment I was terrified that I’d freaked him out so much he was going to take off on me.
You idiot! I shoved open the ladies room door and locked myself into a stall. Were you thinking it was real? It’s not! Everything tonight has been fake!
At that moment, I realized part of me had been thinking it was real. On one level, I’d known why he was here, but on another, I’d felt real chemistry with him. A real attraction. I’d started to hope for more.
And wasn’t it just like me to get caught up in this as if it were one of my Hallmark romances! But it wasn’t. And those things didn’t happen to me. Despite the red lipstick and the lacey dress and the tumble-down hair, I was still Claire French, art teacher. Girl Scout volunteer. Wallflower.
His voice echoed in my ears. You don’t have to be anyone else. You just have to stop staring over the edge and jump.
Theo didn’t get it. He’d probably never been scared of anything in his life. He was so cool and detached, just wandering around the country flying planes and escorting lonely women to weddings. He didn’t understand what it was like to have your whole heart set on something and be too afraid of failure to go for it.
Even the near kiss felt like a failure, one I wasn’t sure how to recover from. Did I just pretend it hadn’t happened? I closed my eyes and leaned back against the stall door, fighting tears. Things had been going so well—in fact, it was the most fun I’d had on a date in… Jesus, maybe ever! And it was all fake.
Get over it, Claire. This thing is done. You’re never going to see him again, and that’s that. What could ever come of it, anyway? He’s not what you want. Now buck up enough moxie to get out of this bathroom, face him, and go home.