I’d only been intimate with a handful of guys, and none of them had even come close to so deep it hurts. And though Cosmo was skilled at his job, discreet, and dependable, size and strength were not his forte.
But Theo. Theo.
The man had everything. When he first slid inside me, I couldn’t even breathe. I don’t know if it was because I hadn’t had sex in so long or because Theo was really that much bigger than anyone I’d ever been with, but I felt the exhilarating thrill of losing my virginity all over again with none of the first-time awkwardness. (Am I doing this right? Will I bleed on the sheets? What’s that smell?)
As he moved inside me, those four words kept repeating in my brain—so deep it hurts—but the pain wasn’t like any I’d ever felt before. At first it was sharp, and I’d gasp every time he pushed inside me, my eyes tearing up. Then its edges started to soften, and I felt my body adjusting to his, my hips tilting to take him even deeper.
The muscles on his shoulders and abs flexed as he bracketed my head with his forearms. His breathing matched mine, hard and heavy and hot. I ran my palms over his back, raked my nails down his skin. Two hands weren’t enough—I wanted to feel every inch of him all at once. And damn this dress! I’d been so anxious to get him inside me that we hadn’t even stopped to take it off, but now I was desperate to feel his hands and mouth on my breasts, the warmth of his chest on my skin. What if I never got another chance?
But I didn’t want him to stop. Something was happening inside me that I’d never felt before, a tightening at my core that intensified with every rhythmic thrust of his hips. I chased it, digging my fingers into his ass, pulling him tighter to my body. I wanted to tell him how good it felt, how big he was, how hard, how hot, how he was going to make me come again, how badly I wanted to feel him come too.
But I forgot every word except one.
“Yes,” I panted, over and over again, my lips brushing against his throat. “Yes, yes, yes…”
Theo groaned, almost as if he was in pain. “Goddamn it, I’m gonna come.” He sounded angry about it, but I cried out in bliss as the knots inside me unraveled in glorious, pulsing pleasure. Above me, Theo’s body went stiff, and I felt his orgasm echo my own as his cock throbbed inside me.
“Oh my God.” I could barely speak, my heart was beating so fast. My body didn’t even feel like my own. (And I’d have to retitle my memoir. Or at least add an afterword.)
“Oh my God.” Theo still sounded mad. “I’m such an asshole.”
I froze. Was he sorry already? Was he going to run out? My head fell back onto the rug. “What’s the matter?”
Bracing himself on his hands, he lifted his chest up and looked down at me. “That was not supposed to happen so fast.”
Relief had me giggling. “I obviously didn’t mind.”
“I didn’t even do half the things on the list.”
“Well, then…” I lifted my shoulders and willed myself to be brave. “Stay.”
He didn’t say anything at first, just studied me from above. The tree lights lit his face just enough to show his indecision.
Maybe I can persuade him.
“Stay,” I whispered, running my hands up his chest.
He swallowed. “I want to, Claire, but—”
I put a finger over his lips. “Stay. I want to cross some more things off that list.”
He smiled. “You do?”
“Yeah. And maybe I have a list of my own.”
“Listen to you,” he said appreciatively.
“Just trying to be brave.” My heart refused to stop pounding. And it was exhilarating to speak my mind like this, even if I was risking being turned down. But what did I have to lose?
Exhaling, he shook his head. “You’re making this very difficult.”
“Good.” I crossed my ankles behind him. “Because I don’t want you to go.”
“I don’t want to go, either. I just…” Theo hesitated, like he wasn’t sure how to phrase what he wanted to say. “I’m worried about what happens tomorrow.”
He was thinking about tomorrow? “I predict I will be very sore, but I promise not to complain too much.”
He smiled, but barely. “That’s not what I meant. It’s more that I’m worried about…expectations.”
“Expectations?”
“Yes. You and I are different, Claire. I like being with you, but…I’m no good for you.”
“What makes you say that?”
“It’s the truth.”
I let that sink in for a moment, trying to think of this from his point of view. “Because I’m looking for a relationship and you’re not?”
“That’s part of it.”
“What are the other parts?”
“I’m not sure how long I’ll even be in town, or when I’ll be back. My…other job often involves traveling at the last minute.”
I nodded slowly, realizing how little I knew about him. Not even his real last name. “So maybe all we’ll ever have is tonight?”
“Not maybe, Claire. Definitely.”
So we wouldn’t see each other again. I was disappointed, sure, but did that mean our night had to end? When I’d invited him in, I hadn’t done it because I wanted to bring him home to meet Mom and Dad. I’d done it because I was attracted to him, and I wanted to have some fun.