That’s what I needed! Stage makeup! Something to make me feel like I fit the part of the confident, successful woman I wanted to be.
I brought my fingertips to my mouth and tried to picture myself with a candy apple pout like Giselle affected in all her selfies. It would definitely be something different for me. Since I had really full lips and generally didn’t like to call attention to them, I usually stuck to neutrals, soft beiges and pinks with names like Sweetie and Blush. But now I needed something more daring, something with a name like Brash or Brazen or Badass.
I laughed to myself…this could be fun.
Seven
Theo
* * *
Balancing two bags of groceries on each arm, I trudged through the snow up the front walk at my brother and sister-in-law’s small, one-story house. I’ll shovel while I’m here. And she needs salt for the driveway, too.
On the front porch, I set the bags on my right arm down and knocked on the door. Inside I could hear someone crying and someone else shrieking, “He’s here!” A moment later two little girls appeared in the front room window over to my right. They stood between the curtain and the glass, which was smudged with handprints, waving excitedly at me. “Hi, Uncle Theo!” shouted Ava, who was six. Her little sister Hailey grinned and jumped up and down like I was Santa Claus at their doorstep. It made my heart squeeze—would Josie be able to give the girls a good Christmas? I’d make sure of it.
Damn you, Aaron. Get clean and get the fuck home. My brother was an alcoholic like our dad had been, and even though he’d been on the wagon during the early years of his marriage, sobriety went out the window when he’d been laid off two years ago. He’d been on an almost constant bender since, and he hated himself for it, but he felt like he couldn’t change.
He wasn’t violent like our father was, and the only person he ever got mad at was himself, but when I tried to explain to him that he caused his family harm when he took off, he refused to listen. They’re better off without me, he’d say. I’m no good for them. He’d been gone for nearly two months this time, and even though he stuck an occasional envelope of cash through the mail slot, it wasn’t much. Josie worked the night shift as a waitress, but damn near her entire paycheck went to the sitter. And she was exhausted all the time.
I loved my brother, and I understood why he was the way he was, but I wanted to fucking punch him in the face until he realized what an idiot he was to throw all this away. Maybe this house wasn’t much, and hell yes life was tough when you were out of work and had a wife and three kids, but dammit—it was his house, and his wife, and his kids. They adored him. He had things worth fighting for, worth staying for. And the crazy thing was, I knew he loved them. It wasn’t like he didn’t care. So it scared the living fuck out of me that he could abandon them like he did. Like our mother had left us. Maybe he was wired to be that way. Maybe we both were.
One more reason for me to go it alone in life.
The front door opened and my sister-in-law appeared with crying toddler Peyton on her hip. Josie looked awful—skin sallow, dark circles under her eyes, thin dark hair escaping the ponytail on the top of her head.
Claire’s thick, honey-colored waves popped into my head. I wondered if they were as soft as they’d looked yesterday. Jesus, will you stop thinking about her? You’ve already jerked off to her twice and it hasn’t even been twenty-four hours since you met. What’s with you?
“Hi,” Josie said wearily. “Come on in.”
I scooped up the bags at my feet and went inside. The house was basically a box, with a front room and kitchen on one side, two bedrooms and a bathroom on the other. I noticed they didn’t have a Christmas tree as I headed for the kitchen.
“What’s wrong with Peyton?” I asked, setting the bags on the cluttered table. Broken crayons and tattered coloring books littered its surface, and I made a mental note to get them some new ones.
“It’s her ears.” Josie sounded as tired as she looked. “The doctor said the antibiotics should kick in soon, but in the meantime I’m out of Tylenol.”
“I’ll go get you some.” I pulled milk and apples and cheese from one bag. “Just let me get the stuff that needs to be refrigerated put away.”
“You do too much already,” Josie said, peeking in the bags. “I can’t believe all this food. Let me pay you back.”
“Not a chance.”
Ava and Hailey scooted into the room and threw themselves at my legs, wrapping their little arms around me. I shut the fridge, leaned down, and scooped them up, setting one on each arm. “Hey! How’s Snow White and Cinderella?” I asked, planting a kiss on their foreheads. “Are we going to have another tea party?”
“Yes!” Ava shouted. “But I want to be Sleeping Beauty this time.”
“Deal.” I looked at Hailey, noticing she wore a fuzzy pink sweater sort of like Claire had worn yesterday. “You gonna make me eat the poison apple again?”
She giggled. “Yes!”
I heaved an exaggerated sigh as I set them down. “Fine. I’m gonna run an errand for your mom real quick, but when I get back, we’ll play. OK?” They nodded and hopped back up onto chairs at the kitchen table to resume coloring.
“Have you heard from him?” Josie asked me over the sound of Peyton’s weeping. The hope in her voice made my throat get tight. No matter what he did, she loved him and wouldn’t hear of splitting up. She had family in Ohio, an aunt and some cousins, and I sometimes suggested she take the kids and go there so she’d have more support, but she refused to leave. I didn’t get it.