He gazes over at me. “I didn’t expect to feel this way.”
Oh my God. Is he telling me he has feelings for me? Hearing that is like hitting the beach and rushing for the sparkling blue water.
“But it’s already affecting both of us in the pool,” he goes on. “I’m training for the Olympic trials… I’ve been working toward that my entire life. And I dunno, maybe I’ll do amazing and get on the team. After that, there’s college, and who knows what might happen then.” His voice fades. It sounds like he’s breaking inside. “I’m not sure I have room for a girlfriend.”
I know what he’s saying. Or, at least I think I do. I haven’t been sure of anything the past few days.
He hops out of the truck and starts walking toward the school. I follow him. We reach the school entrance and he holds the glass door open for me.
“So what are you saying?” I ask. “That we can’t do this anymore, but you have feelings? There has to be some way we can have swimming and us.”
“I’m not sure if I want a relationship,” Levi says under his breath. “All I said was that the feelings are intense with us.”
I really don’t understand what he’s saying. But on the other hand, I don’t understand how I feel either.
“Let’s get through the state championship tomorrow,” I say, “And then we can talk.”
“We should get to class.” He turns around, throwing his bag over his shoulder, and heads down the hall.
I guess that conversation is over.
• • •
That night at Jiffy Burger, things are still off.
It’s not the fries. Those are perfect as ever. At least, they taste the same—salty and piping hot. I’m just not enjoying them as much as I normally do.
It started before we even arrived at the diner when Levi texted to say he was running late and couldn’t pick me up. Mom drove me here before she went to work, which was awkward.
“Coach Josh called,” she said. “He said you seemed stressed at practice, and he’s worried. He thought maybe we should talk.”
My coach is such a meddler. At least he didn’t seem to tell her about me and Levi making out.
“Is something going on?” she asked.
“No.”
“He mentioned Levi seemed stressed too. Are you guys fighting?”
My seat belt felt tighter than usual. “No, why would you think that?”
She glanced over from the driver’s seat. “Because you two were acting weird when your dad and I came home last week.”
I shrugged, trying to act nonchalant. “I don’t know what Coach is talking about. I’m nervous about state tomorrow, I guess.”
“You know you can talk to me if you need to,” Mom said. We’re both quiet for a moment, and I’m grateful when she changes the subject. “Did I tell you about our new clients? This couple wants a Game of Thrones–themed wedding…because nothing says love like murder.”
By the time I got to Jiffy Burger, Levi was already seated in our booth. I thought he couldn’t drive me because he was behind schedule. Was he really running late? He’s never lied to me before…
I shove a bunch of fries in my mouth, totally stress eating.
“Are you excited for tomorrow?” Hunter asks us.
Levi and I nod.
“Oh, Maggie,” Georgia starts. “Get this. Noah Thompson asked me if you have a prom date.”
Levi’s chin jerks up.
Hunter looks back and forth at the two of us.
“Really?” I ask, continuing to fork salad into my mouth.
“I told him you might be going with Levi.”
Levi’s eyes won’t meet mine.
I set my fork down and finish chewing. “I doubt I can go to prom. It’s the same day as the Spring Spotlight in Cincinnati.”
May 14. It’s two months from now. That’s my final chance to qualify for the trials. Even if I get my cuts in Huntsville or Atlanta prior to that race, I will still need the practice in a long course meet. I have to go no matter what. Early that day I’ll have prelims, and then hopefully I’ll be in the finals that afternoon. Depending on how I do, I’ll either be celebrating that night, completely exhausted, or crying my eyes out. Prom isn’t really on my mind.
Okay. That’s a lie. It kind of is.
I would love to go to my senior prom. I’d love to go shopping with my mom and Georgia for a dress and get my hair and makeup done. But Cincinnati is four hours away. As it stands now, to make the prom on time, I’d probably be racing from the pool with damp hair, smelling of chlorine.
I smile to myself at the idea of dancing with Levi surrounded by twinkling lights as I stare up into his glimmering blue eyes. Even if we could only make it in time for one dance at the very end of the night, it’d be worth it.
“Yeah, prom’s out for me,” Levi says, digging into his burger like the dance is no big deal. “Unless, like, I tweet at Missy Franklin, ask her to be my date, and she says yes. Then I’d go.”
Georgia bites her lip.
I suck in a deep breath, and fake laugh at his joke. I don’t care if the hottest guy on earth invited me to prom, I’d say no. I wouldn’t want to hurt Levi.
When we’re leaving, I whisper to Levi, “I’m not interested in Noah. Just in case you were wondering.”
He nods once. “I’ll see you tomorrow morning. Pick you up at eight.” He walks across the parking lot, jingling his keys.
It’s not until he’s getting in his truck that I realize, for the first time ever, he didn’t offer me a ride home.
• • •
The state championship is taking place in Nashville at the Vanderbilt University pool.
As promised, Levi picks me up in the morning, grumpy as ever. Our parents will meet us there a bit later because we need time to warm up and get in the zone. Even though he said me he would, it surprises me when Levi picks me up considering I had to bum a ride from Hunter last night. It pissed me off, to be honest.
On top of that, I’m so nervous about going up against Roxy today, I can’t sit still in the truck. “I’m starting to understand why you hook up at meets.”
“Huh?” Levi replies.
“I’m antsy about seeing Roxy. I wish I could get my mind off it.”
My friend grunts and doesn’t say anything. My face flushes when I realize it sounds like I was asking him to fool around. God, what is wrong with me? The past day has been stressful enough for us. He’s been acting weird ever since I said we should talk after state is over. I’m probably making things worse.
But it’s true. When the meet is over, maybe tomorrow or the next day, I do want to talk to Levi about our feelings. He said things are intense with us, and I agree. A vision of him on top of me flits into my head.
I shift in my seat again.
I would feel a lot better about today if I had some assurances of how things will go with Levi.
“We’re going to talk after the meet, right?” I ask.
He drums his hands on the steering wheel, sneaking a look my way. “Okay, whatever.”
At the pool, Coach Josh claps us both on the back when he sees us.
“Feeling good?” he asks.
My stomach feels like piranhas are swimming around inside me. “Yeah,” I lie.
Coach raises an eyebrow. He doesn’t believe me for a second.
I stow my bag in a locker and head to the practice lanes, where I meet up with Coach again, who’s talking to Levi, Jason, and Susannah. Jason and Susannah go to private school and have other swim coaches here, but like me, they depend on Coach Josh.
When I hop down into the first practice lane, that’s when I see her. Roxy. She’s in the next lane over. I take a deep breath. I can do this. I may not have as many Twitter followers as she does, but I’m faster than her in the pool. I know it.
I wave at Roxy, and she ignores me. That’s fine. I’m taking care of myself right now. Like Coach said, I’m concentrating on me, my body, my race. This is my day. I will win 200 back.
Prelims go okay. In 200 free, I score the best time of any swimmer in any of the heats, which is amazing. Normally I am very focused on time and how I can shave off five-tenths of a second so I can qualify for the trials but not today. The state championships aren’t about times. They’re about the win. And I want it bad.