“You should let me put little braids in your hair,” I tease.
“I’d look stupid.”
“You’d look sexy. My sexy shark.”
He shifts under my hand on his chest. “Don’t turn me on.” He laughs, but it turns into another cough. “I’m ill.”
“I figured a guy wouldn’t let a little cold get in the way of sexy times.”
“You’re right. I must be dying.”
“You’re not dying.”
“Lesson number three: Guys always want it. Except for when they are dying.”
We lie curled up together talking until his mom comes home earlier than usual. She appears in the doorway, dressed in a black power suit and red skyscraper high heels, carrying a tray with a bowl and a book.
I pull my hand out from under his and sit up, smoothing my hair. Ms. Lucassen considers me for a long moment. She’s found us lounging on his bed listening to music and hanging out before, but never holding hands.
Levi’s eyes flutter open, and he says hi to his mom, who fusses over him like I did, feeling the temperature of his forehead and fluffing his blankets.
“I brought you some soup and the next book in that Raven series you’re reading,” she says, and he moans, “Not more soup,” but immediately digs into it.
“I should go,” I say, getting to my feet. “I still need to do homework.”
“See you Saturday at the meet,” Ms. Lucassen says.
Outside his room, I start down the stairs, but remember I left my gloves on his dresser. I am heading back up when I hear them talking.
“Is something going on with you and Maggie?” his mom asks.
“No.”
“Are you sure about that?”
How do moms always know?
“I care about her,” he says slowly.
“You both have a lot going on with swimming right now,” Ms. Lucassen replies. “I don’t want things to get complicated for you. You have trials in a few months.”
“Right. There’s nothing going on.”
I grab the staircase railing to hold myself up. He said nothing’s going on between us. As if these past few weeks of growing closer physically have meant nothing. His words feel like drowning.
But would I say anything different?
Swimcest
It takes Levi a few days to get over his cold, but by the time he picks me up for the pool on Friday morning, he seems much better. I missed him a lot this week. Not being able to see him for months when I’m at college this fall will be miserable. I don’t want to think about it.
“Are you going to swim this morning?” I ask.
“I think I’ll stretch and get in a quick workout, but not do too much. Are you feeling okay? I’m worried I might’ve gotten you sick.”
“I’m fine.”
He looks over at me from behind the wheel. “You nervous about state?”
“I got this.”
A smile appears on his face. “Yeah, you do.” He reaches over to pat my knee, and I squeeze his hand. I find myself tracing his fingers, wanting to kiss them. Wanting them on my body. I bring his hand to my mouth and kiss his knuckles.
“God, I wish we didn’t have practice,” I whisper.
He fidgets in the driver’s seat. “I thought we agreed we can’t do this anymore.”
“We did…but that hasn’t stopped me from wanting it.” From wanting you.
Levi pulls into the parking lot, throws the car into park, and pulls me into his arms. He’s always grumpy in the morning, but it turns out he can be turned on too. I might drown in his kisses. My fingers slip under his shirt to touch his warm, velvety skin, and soon we’re both having trouble breathing. I love the noises he’s making as we fog up the windows. He eases me onto my back, deliciously teasing my throat with his lips.
“God, I want you,” he murmurs.
Right as things are heating up, someone pounds on the window, and we break apart. I peer through the fogged-up glass at Coach Josh while Levi adjusts his warm up pants to cover his excitement.
“You’re late again,” Coach says.
“Shit,” we say together.
Coach shakes his head. “Move it.”
My mouth falls open as Coach stalks toward the Sportsplex doors. “Shit, shit, shit.”
Before Levi will let me out of the truck, he hugs me long and hard. “We weren’t doing anything wrong, okay?”
“Except swimcest.”
We laugh awkwardly, touching our foreheads together. I hold on to him as we try to catch our breath. I can’t remember ever feeling so good. But it’s also like I just pulled up to a train crossing, with flashing red barriers dropping and warning bells dinging. Will the train smash into me or pass me by?
When we head inside to the pool, Coach puts us straight to work on stretching and studying today’s workout on the whiteboard. We’ve been tapering all week, so it’s only 3,000 yards today. Pretty easy.
What’s not so easy? As soon as laps are over, Coach wants to see us privately. With a dark-green beach towel tied around his waist, Levi walks ahead of me off the pool deck, pulling off his swim cap and shaking out his hair like Pepper emerging from Normandy Lake. I hike my towel up around my chest and go change my clothes. The entire time I’m shaking. Levi’s already in Coach’s office by the time I arrive.
“Are you out of your minds?” Coach blurts.
Levi and I glance at each other.
“Um, no?” I say.
“Yup, you’re out of your damned minds,” Coach decides. “Maggie, if you get your cuts in Huntsville in a couple weeks, you both will be going to the United States Olympic trials, but instead of practicing, you’re messing around in Levi’s truck.”
“It’s my fault,” I say.
“Yours?”
“I started it.”
“You?”
Coach takes off his visor, runs a hand through his hair, and puts his visor back on. This guy knows us as well as our parents do—if not better. Hell, he knows when it’s my time of the month, because I always get a little sluggish in the water. So I guess he thinks this is a little out of character for me, and he would be right.
“You two are best friends,” Coach says. “Teammates. This could get awkward. You saw how Susannah dating Lucas affected her times last year. I don’t want that happening to you two.”
“It won’t,” Levi and I rush to say.
“Look, I can’t control what you two do out of the pool, but it better not affect your performance here, understand?”
“Yes, Coach,” I say.
“Yes, sir,” Levi says with a nod.
“And I better not see what I saw this morning in your truck again.”
We file out of his office. I barely have the energy to cross the parking lot. I’m so humiliated and disappointed I upset my coach. God, he calls my mother when I have a bad headache. What if he calls her about this?
By the time Levi and I get to school, we’ve missed first period. Barely a word has been spoken since Coach chewed us out.
Levi starts to open his truck door but I say, “Wait. Can we talk?”
He clears his throat. “Sure.”
“I’m confused.” I can barely hear myself say it.
He reaches over to my side of the truck, gently taking my hand. “What are you confused about?”
“I don’t want to stop, but I know we should, but I can’t imagine not being with you. Both as a friend, and maybe something more. But I don’t know. I just know I’m scared…and I really want to kiss you some more.”
He chuckles softly, sadly. Then rolls his shoulders. “Things are intense with us.”
“They are?”
“You don’t feel it?”
“It’s not like this with other girls?”
He shakes his head. “Not even close.”
Maybe I didn’t recognize the spark because I’ve never been with another guy—well, except for the juicy steak dinner guy at Cal. Sure, I think of Levi all the time, but I figured it’s because the kissing is great.
“Maybe it’s because we’re friends,” I say.