He reached for my phone. “We have like an hour and a half before Leah freaks out.”
I knew I was taking a big chance, but how could I say no to him? There was so much joy in him that day just because he got to go to the drive-thru at In-N-Out.
“Okay.” I glanced over at him and flattened my lips. “You better not have a seizure on me.”
“I can’t think of a better place to have a seizure. Although I can see how that wouldn’t be much fun for you.”
I laughed hysterically. “Oh man, I didn’t mean literally on me; I meant on my watch.”
“Well, Charlotte, I don’t have much control over that, but I’ll try. You know what helps?”
“What?”
“Alcohol.”
“Really?”
As we passed the Four Seasons he said, “Pull in here.”
“This is too expensive, Adam.”
“What? Are you crazy?” The energy in the car was tangible. “This may be the last time I ever go to a hotel with a girl. I’m paying. I have a ton of money. Come on, Charlotte, please?” His mood was instantly lighter than it had been in several days.
“Okay.” I did a U-turn and pulled into the driveway of the hotel.
A valet greeted us right away. “Checking in?” he said, when I rolled down my window.
“Yes,” Adam barked over me.
“Last name?” the valet asked.
“Bramwell,” Adam said.
The young valet looked at Adam with suspicion but wrote the valet ticket anyway. I got the wheelchair out of the back, then helped Adam into it. He had the In-N-Out take-out bag on his lap. I wheeled him into the fancy lobby and got a lot of strange looks.
At the front desk, the clerk tried to seem normal when she took Adam’s credit card.
“The only handicap accessible room I have available is a suite,” she said.
“Perfect,” Adam returned with his lopsided smile.
The clerk handed over our keys and pointed us to the elevator. As I pushed Adam to the room, he whistled out a song. We entered a lavishly decorated suite with a large living and dining area, a huge fluffy bed, and a giant sunken tub smack in the middle of a bathroom the size of my apartment.
“Find the alcohol, Charlotte!” Adam shouted from the entryway. I found a minibar stocked full.
I grabbed minibottles of tequila and vodka and held them out to Adam. “Are you sure this is okay?”
“Yes,” he declared. “Which one do you want?”
“Either one.”
I swigged the vodka and he the tequila, and then I wheeled him over to the bar for another round. We ate In-N-Out and laughed and talked and drank a little more. Adam seemed really relaxed.
“Should we take a bath in that awesome tub?” he asked.
“I don’t know, Adam. I’d be scared to. What if something happens?”
“Please.” His eyes were pleading. “Please. I promise nothing will happen to me.”
“Okay,” I said but my heart was pounding. I was worried he’d have a seizure and I wouldn’t be able to get him out in time.
Inside the bathroom, I filled the tub up with warm water and bubbles. Adam was leaning against the counter as he removed his hospital gown. When he was naked, my mouth fell open in shock. He was much thinner than before. “Big difference, huh?” he said.
I shook my head and tried to will away the tears. I walked toward him, cupped his face, and looked into his eyes. “You’re still the most handsome guy I know.” It was true. Adam was classically handsome even in his condition. It was undeniable. I kissed him once and then helped him climb into the tub.
Once he was in, he didn’t stop smiling. He looked like the Adam I knew from that one night. It seemed like his smile was wider than possible. “Now, are you gonna put on a show for me or what?” he said.
I turned on my heel and glared at him. “Me? No!”
“Well, you have to take your clothes off to get in here. Make it fun.”
I huffed. “I’m kind of shy in that way.”
“You weren’t shy the night we were together.”
He was right—I wasn’t. I stared at the ceiling, pondering what I should do. I looked down at Adam, who was still wearing a ridiculous grin. Would Seth understand this part? Was Seth even a factor anymore?
“Let me find some music.” I put The 1975 on the iPod dock in the other room and cranked up the volume. I gathered myself and then went back into the bathroom and tried desperately not to make eye contact with Adam as I began to undress.
“How could you say no to a dying man?”
I pointed at him. “Don’t!”
He started laughing.
“You haven’t played that card yet so why start now?”
When the music picked up, I peeled off my jeans and watched as Adam arched his barely existent eyebrows and started bobbing his head. He was mesmerized. I lifted my shirt over my head and stood in front of him in my black bra and panties.
“You’re beautiful,” he whispered.
When I unhooked my bra and tossed it aside, his mouth fell open and his eyes went wide. He was up to his neck in bubbles and it made me laugh. I turned and bent seductively in front of him to peel my panties down.
“Oh my god, Charlotte . . . this is how I want to die . . . with you, standing naked in front of me. Don’t forget that part, okay? When it’s time for me to go, you have to get naked, just like this, right in front of me.”
“That might be a little awkward for the doctors and nurses.”
“Come on. Now get in here, I want to touch you.”
As I stepped in, he reached both his hands up to guide me. The water sloshed over the sides of the tub, spilling onto the floor.
“Shit,” I said.
“It’s okay, just come here.”
I sat between his legs with my back to his front. He kissed my shoulder and then my neck before slowly moving up to my ear. I shivered when he reached around and cupped my breast. Adam had lost some fine-motor skills in his left hand and he had trouble walking because his left leg wouldn’t always cooperate, but in that moment, when we were together and he was kissing me and touching me and our bodies were pressed against each other, there was no cancer, there was no death pending. I could think of nothing else but how right it all felt.
It was impossible not to question myself leading up to that day in the hotel room. I knew Adam and I had something unique, but it was hard for me to describe. If someone asked me why I felt so connected to him, I would say, “I just do, I can’t explain it.” I knew it had nothing to do with his tumor or the mural. It had to do with that thing, that feeling that allowed me to walk away from my apartment in the middle of the night seven months ago. When I looked into Adam’s eyes, I felt like I could see his sincere, genuine soul.
When thoughts of Seth would pop into my mind, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel a twinge of guilt. I hoped he’d understand, but if he didn’t, it still wouldn’t change my decision to be with Adam now. It wasn’t about Adam’s wish, it was about Adam and me and seeing it through. Everyone always said I dated men who were off-limits so that I wouldn’t have to get serious about anyone. Adam might have been dying, but he wasn’t off-limits. He was baring it all for me and I was going to do the same for him, even though I knew it would break me into a million pieces.
I turned and straddled him in the tub. Our kisses became more demanding. When he touched me down below, I lost all sense of our circumstances. I wanted him and I could tell he wanted me, and nothing else mattered.
“Let’s get out of here and go to the bed,” he said.
Adam stood and wrapped a towel around his waist. He was strong in that moment. He was driven.
I dried myself off and then met him on the bed. When we ditched the towels, I could see how turned on he was. I climbed on top of him and kissed him hard before sitting up and letting him look at me. My body was totally exposed to him in the well-lit room. He watched with wonder in his eyes. “I’m in heaven, right?” he said. It looked like he believed it.
“Yes, this is heaven, Adam.” I bent and clutched his face with both hands and kissed him delicately before moving to his neck and shoulder.