“I think you’re beautiful. I know you have a sense of humor, yet I haven’t seen much of it in person, and I don’t know why. I can tell you’re smart and savvy and you know a lot of things about the world, but you have such a low opinion of yourself. It baffles me.”
What the hell? “Thanks for those observations, Seth.”
“Wait,” he answered immediately. “I’m just saying I find it odd. You don’t seem to understand how people see you. How men see you. I think that guy might’ve made you feel bad about yourself.”
A lot of guys have made me feel bad about myself.
“I don’t want to make you feel bad about yourself.” He stepped back into the light where I could finally see his face. His smile was tight but sincere, and I realized it was because he could see my face. And he knew I wasn’t having it tonight. “Okay. Drive safe, Charlotte.”
As he turned to walk away, I reached for his hand. I stepped toward him. He was hesitant, waiting for me to make a move. “When will you be back?”
“Thursday,” he said, his tone softening.
“When is your next day off?”
“Thursday.”
“How are you going to school with such a schedule?”
“I do online stuff during the season and then go to classes in the off-season.”
“Where?”
“UC Davis.”
“Really? What are you studying?”
“Veterinary medicine.”
“Huh,” I looked into his gray-green eyes. “That’s sweet.”
He laughed once. “Thanks.”
I leaned up on my toes and touched my lips to his, but he was holding back; I could tell. He was only matching my own motions, too afraid to push for more. We kissed for just a moment and then I pulled away. I could feel him leaning into me as I pulled back. He didn’t want it to end but he was trying to have some self-control.
“How about Thursday then?”
He nodded. “I’d like that.”
“I can meet Obi-Wan.”
“He’d like that.”
“Okay, then it’s a date.”
“Okay, see you Thursday.” He leaned down and kissed my cheek.
“Good luck on the road.”
I opened my door. Seth waited until I got in and started the car. He took a step back and waved as I drove away.
13. Things Change
I didn’t hear from Helen all week. I felt like my heart was breaking, but thankfully Chucky was there for comic relief. We sat on the couch every night and watched TV. He even drank Champagne with me.
“This is actually really fucking delicious. Let’s cook tonight and we’ll drink the rest of this bottle. Want to?”
“Don’t you have a girlfriend, Chucky? Why do you want to sit here and hang out with me?”
“I could say the same to you, Charlotte.” He used my full name and I instantly felt bad for calling him Chucky.
He was standing at the bar, cutting tomatoes. I moved past him to look in the refrigerator. “Salad and salmon?”
“Yep,” he said. He was trying to eat healthy for the triathlon. In the few days that he had been there, I was starting to feel healthier myself. It’s not fair to say that Helen and I were bad for each other, but it was true that we had fallen into a lot of bad habits. And we hadn’t been moving forward. She was right, it was time to put some space between us, otherwise we’d be perpetual twenty-one-year-olds, in dead-end relationships, goofing off in our pigsty apartment while the whole world was growing up around us.
“I’m dating someone, you know. He’s out of town,” I said after several moments of companionable silence.
“Helen told me.” He went to wash his hands at the sink. “But she said you weren’t serious about him. Not surprising. Have you ever been serious about anyone?”
When the hell did Helen talk to Chucky? “Not really. My track record sucks. I’m not good at picking them.”
“Helen thinks this dude is a good guy.”
“When did you have such a deep, meaningful conversation with Helen?”
“She came by when you were at work today.” There was a small box on the counter. “I forgot to give this to you.”
I opened the box and inside it was one of those best-friends trinkets. One half of a broken heart. Helen and I didn’t have them when we were kids because we thought we were too cool. There was a small note inside.
Charlie. I don’t expect you to wear this kid shit but it conveys a sentiment I want to get across to you. We’re forever, you and me. Okay? Let’s fucking go shopping soon and not act like strangers just because we don’t live together. I get you and you get me more than anyone, BFF. Love you. Helen.
I started getting misty-eyed but Chucky slapped me on the back. “She’s sweet. And hot. I wished I would’ve tapped that when I had the chance.”
“Chuck, you never had a chance with her.”
“Are you kidding? Helen was infatuated with me. She snuck into my room one night and tried to kiss me when I was thirteen.”
I was shocked. “What a slut! I can’t believe that. She never told me.”
Chucky and I laughed. Helen was always boy-crazy in general. I don’t think she had actually been into him, but I’m glad he didn’t let her kiss him. Imagine living with that your whole life. Gross.
After dinner on the couch, I paused Game of Thrones right as Jon Snow was filling the screen. “Perfect view.” I turned to Chucky. “Can I tell you something?” I couldn’t believe I was confiding in Golden Boy.
“Go for it.”
“A few months ago, I met this guy on the street a couple of blocks from here. I went to his loft and slept with him.”
“Shocker.”
“Shut up, Chuck. I liked him. He was spontaneous, kind of wild. He changed his whole life around in a year and spent every day doing exactly what he wanted to do: painting.”
“Oh, another shocker,” Chucky said. “Like Curtis and his video games? You sure know how to pick ’em.”
“I know, I know. Just listen. Here’s the thing. I fell for him . . . hard. We were acting like this couple who had been together for years. We acted like we were in love and it felt like we were. Then, the next day, he practically kicked me out.”
“Was he a drug addict?”
“No. I told you, I went to his loft. It was nice. He was a corporate lawyer but quit his job to become a painter.”
“Like a house painter?”
“No, like an artist.”
“This is the weirdest one yet, Charlotte. Who pretends to be in love after one night?”
I shook my head. “That part is hard to explain, but it made sense in the moment. The point is, I really fell for him but I didn’t think he was into me—especially after the next morning. But then I saw this new mural a few blocks away, painted on the side of a building. And it’s of me. I can’t get him out of my head now.”
“And that’s what’s making it so hard for you to date the baseball player? Seriously?”
“I think so,” I said.
“I don’t. I think any normal, suitable guy is off limits to you because you think you’re not worth it, so you have to obsess over crazies like this painter.”
I shook my head. “I don’t think so.”
He grabbed my hand, which was weird.
“What are you doing, Chucky?” I scowled.
“Charlotte, listen to me. I was a shitty brother. I think I ruined your self-esteem or something. But you’re gorgeous, okay? And you deserve better than some bipolar hipster artist guy.”
I yanked my hand away. “Ew, Chucky.”
“Oh, grow up, Charlotte. I just wanted you to know I don’t think you’re fat or dumb. Not really, anyway. My standards for women are high because I had an awesome mom and an awesome sister who showed me how smart and beautiful a woman could be. Inside and out.”
“I’m actually going to start crying if you don’t stop.”
He laughed once and looked away. “I just wanted you to know, okay?”