“Did you check the pool?” Whitney asked with her heart in her throat. She lived in constant terror that Emma would fall in and drown, since she no longer remembered how to swim and her balance still wasn’t perfect. Whitney had had an automatic cover installed, but sometimes the pool cleaners forgot to close it.
“It was the first place I looked,” Brett said, choking on a sob. “Should I call the police?” If someone picked her up off a street, or Emma were lost, she wouldn’t be able to tell anyone where she lived or even her name. Whitney had tried leaving little slips of paper in her pockets with her name and address, but Emma threw them away.
“I’ll be home in ten minutes,” Whitney said in a tense voice. “Let’s drive around the neighborhood first.” Whitney glanced at her patient with an apologetic look as she hung up the phone. “Charlie, I’m really sorry. I have an emergency at home.” It was the first time she had ever said anything like it to him and he looked surprised. Whitney’s home life never intruded on her work, and in fact, he knew nothing personal about her, not even if she was married or had kids herself. He smiled as they both stood up. He liked knowing that she was human after all, and he wasn’t the only one with problems. His life was a constant battle with his parents, and he hated the school he went to. He said he had no friends there, but his parents liked its social status. He had done everything he could think of to get kicked out. His parents’ large donations to the school had kept him there so far, but he was working on it.
“It sounds like you have a kid who ran away,” he said, curious about her, and Whitney sighed.
“Not really. She may have wandered off. My niece lives with me. She was in an accident last summer, she has a brain injury, and she can’t be out on her own. She lost her memory and can’t speak.” It was as simply as she could put it, without dragging him through the details.
“That sounds sad,” he said, looking sympathetic. “Is she going to be okay?”
“I hope so. She’s probably walking around the neighborhood. She’s nine. I’ve got to go home and help find her. I’m really sorry. Can we reschedule for tomorrow?” He nodded. “Your mom should be back in a few minutes,” she said, as she put on her jacket, thanked him for his understanding, and hurried toward the door.
“I hope you find her!” he called after her, and stood at the window as he watched Whitney get in her car. He liked her. She was a lot nicer and more reasonable than his parents, whom he hadn’t gotten along with since he turned fourteen. He broke all their rules, and smoked joints in his bedroom when they were out. They went nuts when they found evidence of it later. He watched Whitney’s car drive away as fast as she dared, and sat down to wait for his mother to pick him up, thinking about the injured niece that Whitney had described. It was a surprise to him to realize that his psychiatrist had problems and a life.
The house was ten minutes from Whitney’s office, and she pulled into her driveway a few minutes later. Brett was waiting outside, looking frantic.
“Any sign of her?” Whitney asked, looking worried and fighting panic as Brett shook her head.
“I drove all around the neighborhood before I called you. No one’s seen her.” Whitney’s new station wagon was parked at the curb. It was the car she had Brett drive for errands, or when they had to take Emma to the doctor. She still hated riding in the car, so Whitney knew she wouldn’t get into a stranger’s car easily, but she was a nine-year-old child, and delicate for her age, and it wouldn’t be difficult to pick her up and abduct her. She was a beautiful little girl.
“I’ll head north, you go south,” Whitney instructed her. “Call me if you see anything. We can call the police as soon as we get back. I’ll meet you back here in twenty minutes, if we don’t find her first.”
“What if we don’t?” Brett said with tears brimming in her eyes.
“Then the police will find her,” Whitney said with a look of iron determination. “You checked every place in the house?” Brett nodded, and Whitney made a quick run-through before she got back in her car. She noticed that one of the photographs of Paige was missing from next to Emma’s bed, and Whitney wondered if Emma had gone looking for her somewhere, and then she sped off. She had an idea. Brett had shown Whitney the iPad she’d been playing with before she left. There was a picture of a house on the screen, which looked a little like Paige’s home, except that the one on the iPad had roses in front of it, a family with two children and a dog, and the word under it in bold letters said “Home.” But Whitney knew that Emma wouldn’t be able to find her way back to her old house. It was about two miles away, across several big streets.
Paige’s house had sold almost immediately. They’d had an offer on it a week after Whitney had listed it, because of the reasonable asking price. It was in escrow now, and the sale was due to close in two weeks. Whitney just wanted to get rid of it, and the stager had already removed the rented furniture since the deal had been made. The buyers were thrilled with their new home, and had already gone through it with an architect planning some changes. Whitney wondered now if the image of the iPad had reminded Emma of it, unlocked another door in her brain, and she was trying to find her old home. Whitney looked carefully down every street she drove through. She saw mothers pushing babies in strollers, deliveries being made to houses, a two-year-old on a little plastic tricycle with his mother, and then she saw Emma, sitting on someone’s front lawn with her arms around a black Lab, looking forlorn and lost. Whitney slowed down, and pulled over to the curb. Her heart was pounding, but Emma looked unharmed and the dog wagged its tail as Whitney approached and sat down next to Emma on the lawn. She could see that she was holding the framed photograph of her mother in her hand. Whitney gently leaned over and kissed her, and Emma looked away, and seemed disappointed to have been found. Whitney signed to her then.
“Where are you going?” Emma didn’t answer her for a long time, and struggled with a word instead of signing. She had to push out the word like she was giving birth to it, but finally made a sound that tore at Whitney’s heart.
“Home…” she said clearly, and then added one of the other words she had mastered. “Mommmm…Home…Mom…” she repeated several times. How could Whitney explain to her that both were gone now, her old house and her mother? Emma knew that Paige was gone, but there was no way to explain to her about the house, and Whitney didn’t want to. It was too complicated to tell her the house had been sold, and all the reasons why. Instead, she sat there with her arm around her, and nodded, and then slowly she stood up, and Emma did too. They walked to Whitney’s car, and the black Lab tried to follow. Whitney opened the back door of her car, and Emma slipped onto the backseat. She didn’t try to resist this time, and Whitney knew what she had to do now. Emma was still clutching the photograph of her mother as Whitney fastened her seatbelt, and then got into the car and turned on the ignition. She texted Brett that she had found Emma before putting the car in gear. She didn’t have the keys to Emma’s house with her, but even if they couldn’t go inside, at least Emma could see it. Maybe it would release some memories that would open other doors for her and remind her of all she had forgotten and was trying to remember. All her old memories were still out of reach.
Whitney drove the remaining distance, and the familiar house came into view a few minutes later. The for sale sign had been removed since it was in escrow, and Whitney noticed, as the buyers had, that it was in need of paint, but it was a sweet house, and Emma nearly jumped out of her seat when she saw it, nodded frantically at Whitney, and pounded her on the shoulder. Her guess had been right. Emma had been trying to find her old house.
“Home!” she shouted. “Home! Mom!” The words didn’t come easily as Whitney pulled into the driveway and stopped the car. She wondered if Emma thought she would find Paige then.
“I know, baby…I know….” Whitney said softly, and how could she explain to her that they didn’t live there anymore, or even own it, or not for much longer?
Emma ran to the front door, and tried to open it, and looked at Whitney expectantly as she walked up to it, and shook her head, and gestured that she couldn’t open it. Emma nodded frantically, pounded on the door then, and rang the doorbell, and no one answered. Whitney shook her head and then signed to her. “Mommy isn’t here anymore” was the best explanation she could think of, as Emma continued to nod and then started to cry, and then sank down on the front steps, looking defeated. Whitney sat down next to her, and signed, “I’m sorry.”
They sat there for a long time, as though expecting someone to come and meet them, or Paige to show up and not be dead after all. And then Emma got up and tried to look in the windows. With an aching heart, Whitney held her up, so she could see that the inside of the house was empty. She looked at Whitney with desperation. She was wondering where everything had gone but didn’t know how to ask it, or even sign it. Whitney shook her head again, and Emma was sobbing as her aunt led her back to the car and they got in. They were going home now, but not to the one Emma remembered. That home was gone forever. But at least Emma had remembered it, which Whitney thought was a good sign. The doors of the past were unlocking slowly, even if facing the memories was painful for Emma.
Brett saw them as soon as they drove up, she had been pacing on the front lawn waiting for them, and threw her arms around Emma as soon as she saw her. She looked at Whitney. “Where was she?”
“She was trying to get to her old house. She was heading in the right direction, but she had a long way to go.” Emma walked into the house looking dejected and still holding her mother’s photograph. She went up to her room and set it on the night table with the others, and then sat there, staring into space for a long time. She already knew her mother wasn’t coming back, or Whitney assumed she did, but she looked as though she had lost her all over again after seeing the house.