* * *
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It took Whitney half an hour to get Emma settled in the car before the dance class. She was always tense and looked panicked whenever they had to drive anywhere. Whitney had medication to give her to calm her down, but taking a sedative before the dance class was liable to knock her out, which seemed pointless, and she was sure that Emma would relax once they got there. She was silent on the ride, and her whole body looked tense when Whitney glanced at her in the rearview mirror. She didn’t want her to have an anxiety attack when they got there.
Whitney signed in at the desk when they arrived, and a small, lively, energetic woman in a leotard and tap shoes wrote their names down on a list and confirmed that neither of them had taken tap before. Whitney didn’t correct the impression that Emma had never taken tap. It didn’t seem important. They changed into leotards in the dressing room, and the teacher had shoes for them to borrow until they got their own.
There were four women and two teenage girls in the class, and the teacher gave a brief demonstration when they started, then showed them each a simple step, and put on some music. Emma was already giggling, and Whitney was trying to remember the step. They were each supposed to take turns showing the teacher what they could do. Whitney felt ridiculous as she tried to get it right, but she managed to get through it, and then it was Emma’s turn, and she gracefully spun herself around, and then stopped herself and instantly launched into a professional dance routine that looked like Fred Astaire as the teacher stared at her. Emma flew through the air, tapped her heart out, did a little pirouette, and landed on both feet with perfect precision at the end of the routine. The look on the teacher’s face was almost comical, and it was obvious that Emma had taken lessons before, Whitney knew she just hadn’t remembered them.
“You’ve never taken tap before?” the teacher asked her in disbelief, and Emma looked puzzled for a minute.
“I don’t remember it, but now that I’m here, I think maybe I might have.” She grinned sheepishly at her aunt, who was trying not to laugh. Emma’s mind did not remember, but her body and her feet very certainly did. The teacher let her stay in the class, but she suggested an advanced class for Emma the next time.
“I think she thought I was lying to her,” Emma said, looking more relaxed as they walked back to Whitney’s car in the parking lot after the class. “I guess Mom made me take tap,” she added with a grin, still trying to remember.
“And hip-hop and modern dance and ballet,” Whitney added for her.
“She made me take all that?”
Whitney nodded.
“Was I any good at it?” She smiled at her aunt.
“Probably about the way you were today. You’re a pro, Em.” She laughed when Whitney said it.
“How come I don’t remember?”
“You will one day,” Whitney reassured her. “It will all come back eventually.”
“Maybe I’ll take ballet too,” she said pensively as Whitney watched her put her seatbelt on. She didn’t start the car until she had, and then they drove back to Beverly Hills, as they chatted and laughed about the look on the teacher’s face, when Emma did a tap dance that put the teacher to shame. “I wish everything else were as easy,” Emma said with a sigh. “I’m terrible at math, and reading is hard for me. Belinda says I used to remember my lines with one reading.”
“You’ll probably be able to do it again one day.” Emma nodded in answer, and sat staring out the window at the Pacific Ocean. Her mind was a million miles away as Whitney drove them home. Whitney wondered if she was thinking about her mother, but she didn’t want to ask. By the time they got back to Beverly Hills, Emma was sound asleep. She’d had a good time tap dancing, but she still tired easily. She went to bed right after dinner that night, and barely ate. The dance routine, the drive, and the class had worn her out.
She was already in bed when Bailey dropped by to see Whitney. Whitney made him something to eat, and they sat at the kitchen table and talked for a long time.
“What did you do today?” he asked after he kissed her. He loved spending time with her and dropping by in the evening. She told him about the tap-dancing lesson and he laughed.
“It bothers her when she can’t remember things,” Whitney said, and he nodded. And she still didn’t remember the accident, if she’d even seen more of it, like the truck bearing down on them, but Whitney never pushed her about it. When the memory finally surfaced, it would be traumatic. All she remembered now was her mother texting, and nothing after that.
“She’s come a long way,” Bailey said, “and some of it may never come back.”
“She says she doesn’t want to go back to acting. She wants to be a doctor like us.” He smiled when she said it.
“Some days I’d rather be an actor,” he teased her, and Whitney laughed.
“Me too.” She was seeing her full load of patients again but only working four days a week, so she had more time to spend with Emma.
“Have you thought about the summer at all?” he asked her. He was planning to take time off and wanted to spend it with her. But she was still living day to day with Emma’s recovery.
“I’m thinking a house in Tahoe might be fun,” she said, and he nodded. They had made no official plans, but were spending more and more time together, on weekends and in the evenings, and he was wonderful with Emma.
“Can I come up and visit you?” he asked shyly, and Whitney smiled at him.
“I think that could be arranged,” she teased him.
“So, no trip to Italy this year?” He hoped there wouldn’t be, but didn’t want to say so. She shook her head, looking serious.
“I don’t want to go that far away with Emma, in case she has any problems. Tahoe is far enough.” And there was no question of her going on the boat with Chad again.
“She should be fine to go to Tahoe by then,” he said, and then pulled Whitney gently into his arms and kissed her. He wanted to spend more time with her, but it was awkward with Emma around all the time, and Whitney didn’t want to leave her. She hadn’t left her for a single night since July, but she was hungry to spend more time with Bailey too.
“Now I understand why my sister had no love life most of the time. How do people manage it with kids?” she said, and he laughed.
“That’s why I never had any.”
“Yeah, me too.” They were kissing like two teenagers, and she would have liked to sneak him upstairs to her bedroom, but she didn’t dare. What if Emma woke up or had a bad dream? She didn’t want Emma to find Bailey in her bedroom. At least the night terrors had ended when she started speaking, and she hadn’t been aggressive since then either. Being able to talk again had made everything easier.
He finally left around eleven o’clock, and they lingered at the front door, kissing for a long time.
“Maybe I should come to your office between patients,” he teased her, and she laughed.
“We’ll figure it out one of these days,” she whispered, but it made the anticipation sweeter. It was a problem she’d never had before, since she’d lived alone. She waved as he drove away, locked the front door, turned off the lights, and went upstairs. She stood in the doorway of Emma’s bedroom. She looked so sweet and peaceful. No one would have guessed that she’d had a brain injury and had nearly died nine months before. Then Whitney went back to her bedroom, thinking of Bailey. She was so attracted to him, but she was afraid too. He was the kind of person who was going to want more than just a casual relationship, and her old demons still haunted her at times. She didn’t want anyone controlling her life, or taking over. She loved the idea of spending time with him, and even sleeping with him, but she didn’t want anyone to run her life, or tell her what to do. She had promised herself never to let that happen, and if she opened her heart to Bailey, who knew what he would want? Letting someone else run her life was the one thing she knew she could never do. She was never going to let any man control her, the way her father had her mother. For now she was still safe. But for how long, if she got involved with Bailey? Maybe letting herself fall in love with him would spoil everything, especially now with Emma. No matter how much she liked him, and was attracted to him, she was afraid to take the risk. It was easier to be brave for Emma than for Bailey. And in some ways, having Emma around all the time kept Whitney safe.
Chapter 12
Little by little, Whitney was trying to ease Emma into the kind of things that ordinary people did. They went to the grocery store, the dry cleaner, the hardware store, and drugstore. She had Emma help put the dishes in the dishwasher, and learn to make her bed. They did laundry together. Her life with her mother had been fraught with lessons and activities which all centered around Emma’s work on the show. They were always rushing somewhere to meet another drama coach, or take another singing lesson, or go to an audition for a commercial, or for the musical in New York. But if Emma wanted a more ordinary life, away from show business, Whitney wanted to get her used to it now, before she started school in the fall. She had never really had a normal life with her mother.
They went to the supermarket together on a Saturday afternoon, when Brett was off. She didn’t like taking Emma to places like that in case she got lost. But Whitney kept a close eye on her, and they were in the cereal aisle looking at breakfast cereal together, while Whitney tried to convince her to pick one of the healthier brands. Emma was telling her aunt that her mother had let her eat whatever kind of cereal she wanted, even one of the chocolate ones.
“I strongly doubt that,” Whitney said, as Emma gave her a guilty look and giggled. Emma had been pushing the cart they’d already filled with dairy products and fresh vegetables, when a woman behind them jostled Emma and then let out a gasp when she saw her.
“Oh my God, it’s you! I can’t believe it,” she said, staring at Emma, who looked confused. The woman was only inches from her face. “I watched the show every week until you left it, and I cried for a week when you died.” She was talking a mile a minute, and Emma looked frightened. Whitney wanted to get her away from the woman as fast as she could, but she was blocking them in the aisle with her cart.