I hadn’t come.
Because I was already married to Joseph.
Oh, the hate and horror that burned through my spirit. The ugliest feeling I’d ever endured.
How could he?
How could he?
I could hardly bear the thought of continuing, but there were two more letters at the bottom.
These were different. They weren’t from the correctional facility. Neither had a stamp or a postmark.
The one on top was printed with my name across the front in Joseph’s same handwriting.
Part of me wanted to rip it to shreds. End it. His voice and his malice and his greed.
Rocked with the greatest sort of sorrow, so deep I could feel it vibrating through my marrow, I forced myself to continue. The tears were so heavy, I could barely see through them as I unfolded the small stack of papers and began to read . . .
Faith,
I know by the time you find this . . . by the time you read this . . . I’ll be gone. Wish I would have had the guts to tell you the things in this letter earlier, but I’ve always been a coward. Always have been a liar. Always have been nothing but a goddamned thief.
I know you hate me. I deserve it. I deserve everything that is coming to me, and I can feel it coming fast.
I need you to know that I’m sorry. I don’t expect you to forgive me, but I do need you to know that I am sorry.
I’m a prideful man, but all that has caught up to me. I have nothing left to hide. Nowhere left to run.
I wish I could go back and do it all over again.
The first time I saw you, I wanted you. I wanted you so badly that I did whatever it took to have you.
But I should have known you would never truly belong to me. How could you when you’d always belonged to him? But I thought that, if we just had the chance . . . one chance, you’d see we were meant to be together. I was a fool. A callous, clueless, selfish fool.
I tried not to be. Tried a million times to man up and leave. Let you go back to the one you cried for at night. I knew. Fuck, of course, I knew. But I stayed, and I stole, and I cheated, thinking someday, someday you would love me the same.
I was never worthy of that love. Not for one day. I’m sorry for the pain I caused, but I can’t say I regret it, living one day with you. I never said I wasn’t a selfish bastard.
I stole you away from the one man you truly loved. The one man who truly loved you.
Because he did, Faith. He was willing to do anything for your happiness, while I continued to steal it away. While I continued to watch him suffer.
Jace sacrificed for us all. All the years growing up—he went hungry so we could eat. He took punches so we could sleep. He took the fall when he wasn’t to blame.
He went to jail because I wanted you, and then he continued to sacrifice, thinking it was making you happy, and still, he looked out for me until the day I finally drove him away.
I can make no amends, but I’m leaving you with this—he loved you. He gave up everything so you could live your dream. I know better now. Know I was wrong. I’m not ignorant enough to think I won’t rot for eternity for what I’ve done. But I won’t leave this world without you knowing.
When I was younger, I was convinced that I could be the one to give you that dream. What I didn’t know then, what took me years to admit, was that your dream was only half of one. He was the other half, he always had been.
I wish I could tell him how sorry I am to his face. I should have held him on a pedestal for all he did, and instead, I knocked him to his knees.
The only thing I can do now is give him back what belonged to him all along.
I loved you, Faith, but it wasn’t the right kind. Now go, live in his love. Don’t be afraid. Wherever he is, find him. Fight for him. I’ll no longer stand in the way. Love him freely, Faith, without regret. Without question. Let him love you back. Don’t let him walk away thinking he is less than he is.
Joseph
Shattered, gutting cries tore from my mouth, my chest heaving as I read his words.
The page underneath slipped free, and with shaking hands, I picked it up, confused by the document.
It was a deed.
One that had been transferred. It originated in Jace Jacob’s name.
I gasped when I realized it’d been signed over to Joseph.
This house.
Oh, God, he’d given us this house.
Our dream.
Our dream.
A staggering surge of emotion flooded me.
Love.
So much love, I couldn’t see.
I climbed to my feet, and I knew one thing.
I’d let him walk away once. I wasn’t about to do it again.
Forty-Nine
Jace
“Are you sure you have to go?”
Ian rocked on his soles on the edge of the curb where we stood at the front of his building, my new car parked at the valet.
I tossed my suitcase and laptop case into the trunk, my shoulder still aching like a bitch but not coming even close to the ache in my heart.
“You know I do. I can’t stay here with her that close. It just hurts too fucking bad.”
Didn’t have anything left to hide.
No reasons to give other than the one that was the truth.
It just fucking hurt.
“You haven’t even talked to her, Jace.”
My head shook as I pushed the button to close the hatch. “Don’t start on me, Ian. You know why I can’t do this. You know why I can’t stay.”
“You’re a fool.”
“Yeah.”
I’d been a fool for thinking I could find a life here with Faith.
I’d put her in danger again and again.
Lied to her.
Hurt her.
I’d never forget the expression on her face when she realized just how far those lies went.
I refused to hurt her any longer. Refused to drag her back into my life that had always been filled with turmoil. A disaster from the start.
She was free.
Finally free.
That was the only thing that mattered.
Ian pursed his lips, his hands stuffed in his dress pants, his sleeves rolled up and showing off the scars that lined his arms, covered in all those tats that screamed his pain.
Dude was a storybook not a soul could read.
Except for maybe me. Because I knew all those stories. I’d done my best so that they might be written differently, but I’d failed there, too.
God, if I could write all of them differently, I would.
He looked up, carefully eyeing me. “What if I said I wanted you to stay?”
“Then I’d tell you to come visit me. Atlanta is a big place. Plenty of room for all of us.”
“That’s not home,” he told me, voice hard.
“And this is?” It came out a little more bitter than I meant for it to.
He huffed out a frustrated sound. “I think you know the answer to that.”
I blew a strained sigh through my nose. “You didn’t see her face, man. I saw it, all the way to her soul, and she won’t be able to look at me the same. I don’t want to live with that. I don’t. She and I both deserve better than living with his ghost.”
I moved toward him, hesitating for a second before I hugged him tight, not caring that my shoulder screamed. “I’m not even sure who I am after all of this. After everything I’ve done.”
Ian squeezed me back. “You’re my brother. The best guy I know. You are more than you’ll ever see.”
I squeezed my eyes, fighting the emotion, fucking hating to say goodbye but knowing I couldn’t stay. “I love you, brother. Take care of yourself. Settle the fuck down and stop being stupid. Don’t make me come back here and kick your ass.”
I attempted to tack some playfulness on the end.
I pulled back, but Ian wasn’t smiling. “I’m not the one who’s being stupid.”
I gave a tight nod, knowing what he meant. “I’ll talk to you soon.”
He sighed. Shook his head. “Drive safe.”
“I will.”
Without another word, I hopped into the driver’s seat. When I pulled out onto the street, my guts were in knots and my heart was bleeding all over the fucking seat.
Dripping out with each mile that passed.
My cell rang, the number lighting up on the dash.
My first instinct was to reject it. Put it all in the past. Leave it the way I had to do.