And I was leaving all of it right there at Jace’s feet.
Forty-Seven
Jace
“What the fuck are you doing?” Mack raged behind me, asshole taking up all of the confined space in the hospital room. Didn’t help that my brother was leaning against the wall with his arms crossed over his chest.
Both of them sucking the life out of the room.
Oh wait, that was just my insides shriveling up.
Turning to stone.
Been heading there all along. Wasn’t sure why I was idiot enough to think I might change it.
I threw a hard glare at Mack. “What does it look like I’m doing? I’m packing all my nice things.”
Sarcasm dripped from my tongue as I shoved all the bullshit the nurses and the discharging doctor had given me into a plastic bag.
Bandages and scripts and care instructions and a fucking pink water pitcher that I was sure was gonna go great with the décor at Ian’s condo.
I’d be staying at his place for at least a week while I finished recovering and then I’d be dragging my sorry ass back to Atlanta where I belonged.
“I know what you’re doing, asshole. I just want to know why you’re doing it.”
My head shook as I continued to shove the shit inside the bag with a little more aggression than necessary. “You know why.”
“Uh, think you might need to clarify that, because neither of us knows what the fuck you’re thinking.” This from Ian, who was watching me the same way as I’d watched him his whole life.
My head shook. “Just leave it.”
“Not leaving anything,” Mack gritted.
Anger surged. This violent twist that churned through the middle of me.
All of it directed at myself.
I whirled around, faster than my wounded body was ready for.
But I welcomed the stab of pain.
Deserved it.
“You want to know why I’m leaving?” My head craned to the side as I stared Mack down. “I’m leaving because I can’t fucking stand the thought of her looking at me and knowing what I did.”
Mack shook his head. “She loves you.”
My voice lowered. “It doesn’t matter how much she loves me, she won’t ever be able to look at me the same, and I can’t stand that. Knowing I can’t be everything because I took part of her away.”
“That’s bullshit, man. You saved her.”
My chest squeezed, and I trained my attention on the floor. “Yeah. And that’s what I came to do. And I promised both you and myself I’d be out of here the second she was safe. We all knew I wouldn’t be able to stay, and I was a fool to think I might be able to.”
Forty-Eight
Faith
I shifted in the chair where I sat across from Mack at his desk. It was the same spot where I’d sat when I’d made my first statement about Joseph. When he’d asked me for any details of what I might have known and I’d felt like a complete fool because I hadn’t known anything.
Where I’d wept and had thought I’d never been so unsure of anything in all my life.
It was the same spot I’d sat when I’d come to him after someone had been in my house. After the true threat had been revealed. When I’d been given what had turned out to be a warning.
Felix believing I had actually known the location of the log Joseph had hidden and thinking he could scare the information out of me.
Now, I sat there while Mack gave me all the details I wasn’t sure I wanted to know. I listened numbly as he told me that Joseph had been involved in illegal activity for as long as I’d known him.
Quickly rising through the ranks, working for Steven Ricci and his crooked family, the man Jace had tried to protect both his cousin and brother from.
Drugs.
Smuggling.
Money laundering.
Gambling.
With each bit of information he gave, a new piece of me was peeled back and pared down.
My love and respect for Joseph stripped away.
Piece after agonizing piece.
Mack looked away, seeming to waver, before he looked at me pointedly, dealing yet another blow. “I told you he’d been laundering money through the shipping company for the Ricci Family, but he was also siphoning off some of that money that belonged to their supplier for himself. Joseph made it look like Steven was the one pocketing the money. A few months before Joseph was killed, Steven was found floating in a lake somewhere in Massachusetts. Steven’s family, Felix included, blamed Steven’s death on Joseph, which I have to assume is the case.”
Only Felix wasn’t actually his name.
Caleb Ricci had been his name, his family’s ties so powerful they were able to get him onto the force with falsified information. Getting him on the inside and close to me.
Hooking up with Courtney had only gotten him closer.
Doug had also been one of the Ricci family’s men. He and Felix had been sent to fix the problem that had been Joseph. Mack assumed it had been Doug who’d been slipping in and out of my house.
Pain sliced through me.
A sharp blade that cut and mangled.
How could Joseph have been involved in these things?
How hadn’t I demanded more answers rather than playing the fool?
I choked over a pained sound. Horrified that I’d been so blind. Horrified for Courtney, who was still dealing with the guilt of bringing Felix into our lives, as if she ever could have known what the man’s intentions had been.
Mack swiped his wrist across his mouth, his own regret and guilt showing. “Felix killed Joseph because of his betrayal to Steven. But he still needed the log that Joseph had been using as a shield. I think Joseph thought if he held it over their heads, made them believe he was going to turn it over to the detectives, it would keep him safe.”
He gave a harsh shake of his head. “But I guess he knew that wasn’t going to work, that it was already too late, because he had a note for me hidden in those letters you found. It was information on where to find the log. He had it stashed in a locker at the gym. It contained a slew of names and information to put these guys away for the rest of their lives.”
A pang shot through my spirit.
What a waste, was all I could think. What a waste of a life. Living that way for no reason. He could have been such a good man.
Hurt and confusion and pity rocked through me in a bolt of feeling I wasn’t expecting.
What a waste.
Mack pulled open a drawer, blowing out a breath as he pulled out whatever was inside. Slowly, he slid the stack over to me.
They were the letters that had been in the safe, the ones Felix had scattered before I had the chance to figure out what they were.
“These are for you, Faith. I think you should go home and read them through. In private. It’s important.”
Tears streaked down my face.
Hot.
Hurt.
My insides such a mess I didn’t know up from down.
The loss of Jace had become this festering mess inside me.
Each day, it only grew, amplified, became more painful.
I wasn’t sure I could take any more piled on top of that.
The truth was, I was angry.
Angry at Joseph for doing all of this.
Angry at myself for falling for it, for ever saying yes to Joseph in the first place.
“I don’t want those,” I told Mack, squeezing my eyes closed and turning my head away.
He pushed them farther my direction. “Yes, Faith, I promise, you do.”
Fifteen minutes later, I pulled up in front of Courtney’s little house, that stack of letters bound by a rubber band, screaming from the seat as if they had their own voice.
As if they possessed their own energy.
I still hadn’t gathered the courage to turn them over to see what they were because my gut told me they were going to destroy me a little bit more.
And I was desperately sure I couldn’t take any more breakin’.
That the only thing left holding me together was Button.
Button.
She came running out the screen door, taking the one step down and beelining down the red-bricked walk.
Holding that Beast.
My insides clutched in a tortuous curl.
God, I didn’t know how to stand. But I did. I unlatched the door and slid from the car in time to catch her as she jumped into my arms.