“Let’s go home and eat before Momma comes looking for the both of us.”
With a nod I said, “See you there,” and dropped the truck into first.
There was no age difference. At least it felt that way to me. I loved Dixie. I loved being with her. I loved the way her laugh could make whatever shit I was dealing with better. Other girls had never done that for me. Momma said that the way I looked at Dixie was the way Dad looked at her. It was how she knew he was the one and that there’d never be anyone else for him. I felt that way about Dixie.
As the months began to pass and spring drew closer, I knew I would have to make some decisions about my future. I wanted to sign with Florida, but I couldn’t leave her. My life was with Dixie and abandoning her to go to college wasn’t what I wanted. Football wasn’t my future. It was a way to pay for school. I could get another scholarship somewhere closer. Momma said as long as I used my talent to get my schooling paid for, she didn’t care where I chose to go. I just needed a good education.
Telling Dixie all this, however, was going to be the difficult part. I’d hinted about staying around, close to her, and she’d always said, “no, you belong in a big fancy college. You love football. I want that for you.” What she didn’t understand was that I loved her more. She was my future. Not playing football.
I pulled into her drive and she was already outside on the porch doing something, wearing a pair of cut-off jeans and a brightly colored tee shirt. Her feet were bare, but she ran down the stairs, stepping through the grass until she reached me, my heart swelling with joy and pleasure, so damn big it shouldn’t fit inside my chest. This, was all I wanted. Dixie was my nirvana.
“I wasn’t expecting you for another hour. I’m not dressed yet,” she said with a smile.
“I got off early,” I replied. My shifts at the grocery store were late only on weekend nights. On school nights, I left at seven. Tonight they’d let me go at five thirty because things had been so slow. Everyone was at home eating dinner and the streets of the town were usually empty as a desert by now.
“Are you tired? We don’t have to go to Jack’s.”
I wasn’t tired, but I didn’t want to go to Jack’s either. I wanted Dixie to myself. “I could let Bray and Brent take the truck when they get off work. We could walk down to the lake.”
“I could go pack us dinner. Momma cooked plenty meatloaf. I haven’t eaten yet,” Dixie offered.
“That sounds better than a bar full of people.”
Smiling, she stood on her tip toes. “You go drop the truck off at your house for the boys and I’ll go pack us a picnic.”
“Deal,” I replied against her lips. It was getting harder and harder not to do more than just kiss, touching and kissing here and there. I wanted it all, but until she was ready, I was happy with what we did do.
I watched as she ran to the house. Her ass was too damn perfect in those shorts. I’d seen it up close and personal two weeks ago when she’d finally let me kiss my way between her legs. That had been an experience she was happy to repeat and we’d done it a lot since then. Laughing to myself, I climbed back in my truck and headed to the house.
Bray and Brent both worked at Norton Knolls’ stables. The Knolls raised and trained, then sold race horses, Bray and Brent cleaning the stalls and doing the daily chores. Both were great with horses. They took the job when they were fourteen and needed work in a place they could walk to. During football season, the Knolls had other hands, including Dallas who came in and helped. But seeing as Norton was a football fan, he tended to work alongside them. His wife and my momma were longtime friends, going back way before any of us came.
I parked the truck and left the keys in the ignition. No reason to take them out. No one was going to come down and steal it. We’d know before they left the city limits. Momma opened the front door and called, “You’re home early. Dinner’s on the stove. I got Women’s Auxiliary at the church house tonight. Momma’s busy, busy, busy.”
I walked closer to the house before answering, “Dix and me are taking a picnic down to the lake this evening.”
Momma winced and visibly shook. “I ain’t looking to be a grandmamma yet. You mind that.”
“Dix ain’t like that, Momma.”
She scoffed. “It ain’t Dixie Monroe that I’m worried about.”
I grinned. “She’s different. Trust me.”
“Yes, she is, so keep it in your pants down at that lake.”
Momma was never one to beat around the bush when discussing sex with us. She was honest and open about it. Becoming a widow by the time we were old enough to need “the talk” about sex probably had a lot to do with that. We didn’t have a dad, so Momma made sure we were all well informed.
“I’d tell you to take a condom, but I want to believe you respect that girl enough not to be having sex with her out by her daddy’s lake. You should fear Luke enough not to do that.”
“I love her. Told you that. And yes, even if she asked me to, I wouldn’t do it at the lake.”
“Luke would shoot you and I’d die trying to save your stupid ass.”
If God was ever going to leave a woman alone to raise five teenage boys, then he chose the right woman for the task. “No one will die, she’ll remain a virgin, and we will enjoy her momma’s meatloaf, just happy to be together.”
Momma nodded and replied, “That’s good. Now grab y’all some of that lemon pound cake I left on the counter. You need to contribute to the meal. Ain’t the woman’s job to always feed the man. Best you remember that.”
I did as I was told, then changed into some clothes that didn’t have that bleach water scent from the mopping I had to do at work, back in the meat department. Once I was ready, I paused by my dresser and opened the bottom drawer. I grabbed a condom because I’d lied. If Dixie asked me to make love to her tonight, I’d chance certain death at the end of a shotgun barrel, with her daddy yanking the trigger.
Dixie Monroe
I HADN’T ASKED to see the letters. I’d needed that moment to be about us. If that was the last time Asher Sutton would hold me, then I wanted nothing else. I wasn’t sure I ever wanted to read them. I didn’t know my mother. She hadn’t been around long enough for me to remember her. Reading her words didn’t mean a lot to me. There was someone else I wanted to talk to. Someone who could tell me the truth. And if he didn’t know the truth, then we could find it together.
The man who’d raised and loved me was my father. Even if he wasn’t my blood. He was my dad, nothing could change that. I just hoped he felt the same way, because I had to face this with him. I couldn’t face it with Asher or Steel.
Daddy was out at the stable with his newest purchase, a pretty quarter horse that Mom had seen and wanted when they’d gone to the sale, initially to buy some cattle. Mom had married Daddy when I was little. She was a wonderful woman who made him happy. She loved me and we loved her. My family was perfect to me.
Having that ruined in any way wasn’t easy. The one thing I always had to hold onto in my life and depend on felt like it was teetering on the brink of falling apart. Maybe another person wouldn’t be so determined to know the truth no holding onto the love and security I had would be simpler, but I needed to face the past. I had to ask daddy why he’d loved me anyway, raised me as his own, how he could even stand to look at me when I was a constant reminder of his wife’s betrayal.
As a kid, whenever I thought there was a monster under my bed, I would grab a baseball bat and immediately search for it, instead of hiding under the covers. I never backed down and hid. I faced my fears. This was no different. It was the biggest fear I’d ever faced but I was ready.
“Hey, buttercup,” Daddy called, stepping from the stables. He’d seen me headed his way.
“Hey,” I replied, my voice cracking, tears quickly filling my eyes. Apparently, this wasn’t like fighting the monsters under my bed. This was scarier. I loved this man, trusted him with my life. I knew he’d be there no matter what. But I knew my questions would hurt him.