She narrows her eyes at me. "Fine. I’m glad to see you cleaned up, don’t get me wrong about that. Just know that I’m not giving up on us."
I take a deep breath, conjuring patience. "This is why it’s really challenging to be your friend. Do you get that? God damn." I run my hand through my hair. How many times do you have to tell someone something?
"Calm down, Jake. Fine. You need some space to go through your fourteen steps or whatever. I get it. I actually came here for a specific reason. I have the tickets for the autism fundraiser." She grabs an envelope out of her purse and places it on my desk. She stands up and fluffs her hair and makes a show of adjusting her dress down her hips. "Pick me up at seven thirty?"
Fuck. I almost forgot about taking Gwen to the fundraiser. I almost tell her that something came up and I can’t go but I can’t do that. It’s a benefit for autism, for Seth, and there’s no way I’m bailing on that, even if I have to put up with Gwen for a couple hours. It will be in public, and there will be lots of other people from the company there. It should be fine. "Yeah. Seven thirty. And Gwen? It’s twelve steps."
She squints at me, pursing her lips. "What’s twelve steps?"
"You said fourteen steps. I’m assuming you’re talking about AA, which, incidentally, I’m not in. But it’s twelve steps."
"Oh-kaaay. If you’re not in it, then who cares how many steps there are?"
Uh, lots of alcoholics and their families probably do. People who grow up in homes like the one I did. "Never mind, Gwen. I’ll see you Friday. And Gwen? Friends."
She sails out calling, "Whatever. See you then!" She turns at the door and pauses for a second. "Oh and I’m wearing red. You know, in case you want to match your tie or something."
"I’m not taking you to the prom, Gwen."
She smiles big and closes the door behind her. Clueless. I grit my teeth. Why do I have the feeling this is going to be painful?
CHAPTER 7
The next morning, I get up early and shower and pull on jeans and a long sleeved t-shirt. I’ll need to come home and change before I head to work, but after I check on Evie, I’m going to go visit Seth. I can’t go to a cemetery dressed in a suit. I take a deep breath. This is not going to be easy.
When I was in the hospital, I had followed up with the lawyer who had located Seth for Lauren. I had held my breath when I called him, hoping against hope that she had been lying to me. I could see her doing something like that just to get back at me. But no, she had been telling the truth. When I heard the words, it felt like I lost him again. I had held it together long enough to ask him to find out where Seth is buried, and then I had hung up and let the tears for my baby brother fall once again.
I drive over to Evie’s apartment, wondering if she’s doing okay. I thought about her late into the night last night, tossing and turning, sleep elusive. I need to see her face and make sure that she’s alright.
I park down the street, and as I get to her building, I see her locking up her apartment through the front glass doors. Nice timing. I lean against a car right in front and wait for her to come out. I can’t help the grin that spreads across my face. I feel so f**king deliriously happy that she’s back in my life. I realize it’s on completely casual, practically non-existent terms right now, but it’s a start. The happiness in that thought is so consuming that it’s even easy to push away the fact that I’m here under false pretenses. The niggling reminder that that needs to be dealt with is there in the background, but forefront in my mind is that Evie is right in front of me. After all these years, she’s right in front of me.
She steps out and spots me and halts in her tracks, a surprised look briefly flashing across her face. She crosses her arms and tilts her head to the side as her eyes roam my body and finally land on my face. "Need help 'finding your puppy' I suppose?"
I laugh. "I was actually just going to offer you some candy. It's in my van over there." I grin bigger. I must look like a f**king loon.
Her face breaks out into a beautiful grin too, and I swear I hear angels singing. Get a grip on yourself, desperado.
She shakes her head and starts walking and I fall in step beside her. From my peripheral vision, I see her inhale through her nose and then open her mouth and subtly take in a breath of my air. Holy shit! Did she just taste my scent in her mouth? I feel my dick twitch in my pants. I go over sales reports in my head trying to distract myself. Do not tent your jeans walking down the street with her.
For a minute I feel like I’m fourteen again, begging my body not to betray me in front of Evie who is unknowingly turning me on so much, I can hardly think straight. I want to start grinning again because for the first time in eight years, the thought of getting turned on feels clean and normal. The feeling of being turned on by her in the present conjures up the memory of being turned on by her in the past when sex wasn’t all about guilt and shame. This stuns me. I didn’t even know I could remember that feeling and Evie has brought it back for me in one day. I want to kiss her. Stop! Don’t think about kissing her! Sales reports, Excel spreadsheets, bar graphs.
Evie breaks the momentary silence. "You know, I'm sure there are girls all over the city who would love the opportunity to be stalked by you. It really doesn't seem fair that you focus all your creepiness on me."
I smile. "I've decided I like focusing on you, though, Evie." Is she crazy? As far as I’m concerned, there are no other girls in this city.