It was a poor substitute.
I tried my hardest not to resent the fact that he'd had to leave, but it was difficult. I’d been so excited about having the whole night together. It wasn’t that I was angry with anyone—I completely understood and didn’t blame Scotty, Levi, or his sister—so maybe resentment isn’t what I felt. Maybe it was plain old disappointment. Sadness. A little envy for any girl who got to spend every night in the arms of the person she loved. I just wanted one night. One.
Quit being selfish. So you didn’t get exactly what you wanted. So what? You had a lot more time than you’ve ever had together, and like you said—it’s about quality, not quantity. Think of all the things he said to you, the way he opened his heart. That’s worth something. That’s worth everything, isn’t it?
I wanted it to be, and I believed that he loved me, but I couldn’t shake this nagging fear that he was going to decide I wasn’t worth the hassle of trying to juggle everything in his life to fit me into it. Like he said, he hadn’t been looking for love, hadn’t needed it or wanted it. Why should I think I’d be enough to change that?
I slept fitfully and woke up to the sound of rain against my window. The clock said it was only eight thirty, so I tried going back to sleep, but I couldn’t. Eventually I gave up on sleep and made coffee, deciding to get a jump-start on my day.
Around nine thirty, I was sitting at the breakfast counter with my laptop open when my phone rang.
“Hello?”
“Good morning, beautiful.”
“Good morning.” Hearing his voice warmed my insides, and I couldn’t help smiling. “How are you?”
“Tired. How are you?”
“Good, a little tired. How’s Scotty?”
“It was a rough night. But he was up at six thirty like nothing happened.”
“Wow. That’s early. And you did all that driving last night, no wonder you’re tired.”
“All the what I did last night?”
I laughed. “Exactly.”
“I miss you.”
“I miss you too.” My eyes strayed from the counter over to the fridge, and my stomach whooshed. “Are you going to church?”
“Oh, yes. We don’t vary the schedule around here simply because Daddy got no sleep. The world might end.”
“Poor Daddy. Maybe you can get a nap in later.”
He sighed. “I’ll try. But there’s homework and laundry and other stuff too.”
“I wish I could help you.” I looked around at my condo, which was beautifully furnished and always clean, but often felt empty and too quiet on weekends.
“Me too. What are you up to today?”
“Some chores. A little paperwork. Maybe grocery shopping. Dinner at my parents’ house later.”
“With everyone?”
“Yes.” I wish you could come too.
“Say hello for me.”
“Maybe one of these Sundays, you could join us. You and Scotty.”
“Maybe.” But he didn’t sound that hopeful. “I better get us out the door. Don’t want to be late for Mass.” He lowered his voice. “Bad enough I’m showing my face there after everything I did to you last night.”
I laughed. “I’m looking at my refrigerator right now.”
“Is there a dent in it?”
“Probably several.”
He groaned. “I better go, or I’m going to walk into church with a very large erection.”
“It is large. Even larger than Magik Mike.”
He laughed. “You just made my day.”
“Good.”
I hung up feeling better.
• • •
“I’m dying,” Skylar said, dropping onto the couch next to me. She shrugged out of her coat and dropped her bag to the floor. “I have to hear about last night.”
“I promised Natalie I’d wait for her.”
“Where is she?”
“In the kitchen, helping Mom. Did you even go in and say hello yet?”
“No. Natalie!” Skylar yelled.
Sighing, I closed the magazine I’d been looking at and set it aside. “Where’s Sebastian?”
“He and Miles are helping Dad move some equipment into the barn.”
Natalie appeared in the family room doorway. “What?”
“Get in here,” Skylar said. “I want to hear about Jilly’s night, and she won’t tell me without you.”
Natalie’s face looked pained. “OK, give me one minute. I have to get the potatoes in the oven.” She darted back into the kitchen, yelling over her shoulder. “Don’t start without me!”
“So was it amazing?” Skylar raised her sculpted brows.
I sighed in response.
“I knew it!” she squealed, clapping her hands. “I swear to God, the moment I saw you two together…”
“Hey, you promised!” Natalie scurried in and sat on the floor in front of us.
“Relax, I only asked her if it was amazing and all she did was this.” Skylar imitated my lovelorn sigh, making it much more dramatic, almost tragic.
Natalie laughed and looked at me. “That good, huh?”
“Yeah. I mean, it’s always good, but last night was different.”
“What was different?” Skylar wanted to know.
“We talked a lot. He really opened up to me.”