“It’s Scotty. He’s upset about the nightlight.”
“Oh, fuck.” I tipped my forehead into my hands. How could I have forgotten to pack the nightlight? And after a tough week, too. Fucking idiot!
“He says he has to have it to sleep?”
I swallowed, so angry with myself I wanted to punch my reflection in the mirror over Jillian’s dresser. “He does.”
“I’ve tried everything—other nightlights, leaving the hall light on, even leaving the bedroom light on, but nothing was right. This is the problem with letting him be so particular about things all the time.”
My temper flared, but I took a deep breath and counted to five. “Let’s not get into that now. Has he slept at all?”
“I don’t think so. But he didn’t really start to break down until about ten or so.”
I grabbed my watch. “Ten! Monica, it’s twelve thirty! Why didn’t you call me?” God, I was an asshole. I knew why she hadn’t called me.
“Because I was trying to let you have a night to yourself, Levi! I’m sorry!”
I exhaled, closing my eyes. “No, I’m sorry. I appreciate your trying to help.” And would it really have been any better if she’d called sooner? I’d have missed out on half the time I’d spent with Jillian. Maybe we wouldn’t have had the kitchen sex or the shower together. Maybe she wouldn’t have told me she loved me.
“I wasn’t going to call at all, but you said if it really got bad, you wanted to know.”
“No, you did the right thing.” I set my watch down and pinched the bridge of my nose. “Can he talk?”
“I don’t know. Let me try. Hey, Scotty? Your dad’s on the phone. Want to talk to him? Come on, it’ll make you feel better. Want to say hi?”
I took a deep breath, picturing the scene. Scotty balled up in a corner somewhere, hands over his ears, crying inconsolably, rocking back and forth. Don’t get mad. It’s not his fault. It’s yours—you forgot the nightlight, asshole. You were so excited about your nonstop all-night fuckfest, you forgot one of the essential things he needs to go to bed. And if you’re really honest with yourself, you’d admit that after the kind of week he had at school, an overnight at Monica’s wasn’t the right decision for him.
“He won’t talk,” Monica said. “I’m sorry.”
“That’s OK. I’ll come get him.”
“OK,” she said. “I wish I knew how to handle this better, but it’s so late, and the girls are trying to sleep, and we have to get up for church tomorrow…”
“Monica, it’s fine. I know. I’ll be there as fast as I can.” I looked around for my bag. “Tell him I’m on my way, and he’ll be able to sleep in his own bed tonight.”
“I will. See you in a few.”
“Bye.” I ended the call, set my phone on the dresser, and rubbed my face. “Fuck.”
“Bad news?”
I turned around and saw her sitting up in bed, her arms wrapped around her knees. “Yeah. I fucking forgot to pack the damn nightlight. He needs it to sleep.”
She nodded. “Poor little guy.”
“Jillian.” I sighed. I didn’t even have time to finish what we’d started, and my dick was at half-mast anyway. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s OK, Levi.”
“No, it’s not. But there isn’t anything I can do about it.” I spotted my bag on the floor near the foot of the bed and grabbed some clothes, throwing them on with jerky movements. “And I’m mad about this, so I feel even worse.”
“It’s OK to feel mad.”
“No, it’s not.”
“You’re mad at Scotty? Or yourself?”
I paused, buttoning up my shirt. “Both,” I admitted. “And I feel like the biggest asshole in the world for saying that, but I’m angry at both of us.”
“You’re not an asshole. You’re human.”
I tugged on socks and stepped into my shoes, bending to lace them up. “Well, I feel like an asshole, because even though part of me knows I deserve all the blame for this, and I should hug him and comfort him and tell him it’s all my fault, there’s another part of me that’s like why can’t you just fucking fall asleep with the hall light on?” I straightened up and shook my head. “But I know why he can’t.” I looked around for my coat. “And I’m frustrated that there’s nothing I can do about it.”
“Well, maybe you could try doing the nightlight and the hall light for a while? Then do one or the other? So he gets comfortable with different things?”
“Maybe,” I said stiffly. I don’t know why her comment made me bristle a little. She was only trying to help. And she was a pediatrician, for fuck’s sake. It’s not like she didn’t have a clue about kids. But I was always irked when people who didn’t know Scotty tried to give me advice. “But I doubt it would work. He’s really set in his ways.”
“OK,” she said easily. “Sorry if I upset you.”
I hadn’t realized it was obvious I was bothered. Now I felt like an even bigger dick. “You didn’t. I’m sorry.” Softening my tone, I slung my bag over my shoulder and went to the side of the bed where she sat. “I’m just frustrated. For many reasons.”