The snow is bunched up on the sides of the sidewalk where the snowplow pushed it a few days ago. The sun’s out and there’s no wind, which means there are plenty of people out getting a little fresh air. Sutton waits until we’re relatively alone to pepper me with more questions.
“When are you seeing him again?”
“I don’t know.”
“Did he say he would call you?”
“I can’t remember.”
She stops. “What’s that mean?”
“It means…” God, how do I put this delicately? “I was too worn out this morning to remember my own name. He whispered something in my ear, but I just wanted to go back to sleep.” We’d made real inroads into that box of condoms.
Her mouth drops open. “Damn,” she says finally. “Please tell me that you’re going to see him again. Or that if you’re done with him, I can get a shot.”
Every hair on my body bristles in protest. Matty with Sutton? My stomach flips over. Matty bracing himself one-armed over Sutton’s sexy body? I fist my hands. Matty whispering in her ear that he wants her to come all over his dick until there’s not an ounce left in her body? I nearly bare my teeth at her. Sutton knows immediately, without me saying even a word, how much I don’t like the thought of Matty with anyone but me, and bends over to howl with laughter.
“Shut up,” I say, but there’s no fierceness in my command. It’s more of a lament.
I wait until she’s done gasping for air to start walking again.
“So what’s your hang-up?” she says when she catches up a few minutes later—tears from her laughter still clinging to her eyes. “Because if I felt that possessive about a guy, I wouldn’t be letting him go the next morning without a second date chiseled in the sidewalk in front of the student union.”
“Why stop there?” I say sarcastically. “How about I brand him? Put my initials on his ass.”
“No,” Sutton disagrees. “If you’re going to brand him, it’s got to be a place where everyone can see it. Like his wrist. Maybe his knuckles.”
“Are you serious?”
“A little bit.” She spreads her index and thumb in a mock measurement of sorts.
“See, that’s why I’m worried. He’s gone a lot, and when he’s around and I’m busy, he’s going to get bored and wander away.” But when I hear myself criticize Matty, I know immediately it’s unfair. He told me himself that he hadn’t wanted a repeat of his failed freshman romance. I shouldn’t insult him by doubting him when he’s given me no cause for concern.
“He’s not your mom,” Sutton chides me gently.
“You mean I’m not my mom.” I’d hope not. I’ve spent my whole life trying to not be her.
“No. I meant what I said. You’re afraid every hot, attractive guy is your mom, who will end up dumping you and leaving you with your pants around your ankles and a little girl to raise.”
I really have to stop talking to Sutton so much about my past.
“I…” I don’t know what to say, but I don’t have to because Sutton isn’t finished.
“You aren’t your mom. You never were. You’re just not made up that way. What you fear is falling for someone like your mom—flighty, irresponsible. So you date people who you perceive are just like you. If you were afraid of being your mom, you’d stay away from people who feel like mirrors.”
I tug my zipper down to let some cold air into my suddenly too-warm coat, but I don’t dismiss Sutton’s theory out of hand. I’ve always chosen guys who were careful and cautious. Low angst sort of males. Ones who I figured were too dull or lazy to get tired of me and move on when, in fact, the relationships never got off the ground because of the overwhelming dullness of them.
Not one had been flighty or silly. Matt’s not either, but he’s bold and that’s shocking to my careful, plodding existence. Slowly, I start to put words to my jumbled thoughts. “Assume everything you say is true—”
“It is. Always. Forever,” she says smugly.
I ignore her. “Assume what you say is true. That still means Matt and I are opposites, and while the saying is that opposites attract, what happens after they’ve collided?” I slap my hands together. “My parents were opposites. My dad’s a hard worker, my mom is flighty. They don’t have anything in common, and it led to a lot of heartbreak for them.” For me, too, for that matter. “It’s hard for me to envision two people who are opposites sticking together.”
Sutton chews on that for a moment. “I don’t see you and Matt as opposites. You’re more alike than you think. You both love being part of a team. You both want to excel at what you do. Really the only difference is that you tend to take a more cautious approach to things, and Matt seems to be a feet-first kind of guy.”
“Isn’t that a really big difference, though?” Isn’t it? Or am I making a bunch of mountains where there doesn’t even need to be a hill?
“Only if you want it to be.”
* * *
Matty
“Eat shit, asshole.” My thumb presses the controller to the right while I trigger the kick mechanism.
“Too late, dickweed. I’ve got this.” And fuck if Hammer doesn’t block my shot.
“Fuck.” I toss the controller down. I can’t concentrate for shit tonight.